Scene One

The Banqueting Hall

Chorus are on stage for the opening number. Song: Chorus. After song ends…The first few bars of Doctor Beat is heard. Nurse Penny Sillin enters through the audience. She carries a small bag, which contains bags of crisps and underneath is hidden a nine carrot necklace. She carries boiled sweets in her apron.

Nurse

Cooee! Hello dears!

Chorus 1

Where have you been?

Chorus 2

What’s in the basket?

Nurse

I had to do the shopping for the banquet.

Chorus 3

Surely the cooks can do that?

Nurse

They forgot the crisps and peanuts. You can’t have a party without crisps and peanuts, can you? Now, hands up, who would like a sweetie? (audience respond) Well I just happen to have some in my pocket. (hands her basket to a Chorus Member and throws the sweets out)

Chorus 4

(looking in the basket) Nurse. You’ve left something in the bottom of your basket.

Nurse

(looking in) Oh yes. (pulling out a string of carrots) It’s my new jewellery.

All

What!?

Nurse

(putting it around her neck) Do you like it? It cost me a fortune. Nine carrot gold. (laughs) Now, get that Shopping to the Royal kitchens, and take this with you. (takes off necklace)

Chorus exit, leaving Nurse alone on stage.

Hello everyone, are you all right? Good. You look a lovely crowd tonight. Much better than that lot last night. And for those who might be interested (indicating to a man who takes her fancy) And you’re interested, I can tell. What’s your name? Well…(man’s name)…you’ll be pleased to know that I’m single. Hard to believe I know, but I’m open to offers. I’m not so much on the shelf as…who said, ‘past your sell by date’? I never married, I grew up in a generation that believed in saving it for marriage. Well at my age I’ve got an awful lot saved up. So, if any of you men fancy coming around to my dressing room after the show, form an orderly queue behind (man’s name) Anyway I can’t stand around here, I’ve work to do. See you later. Bye.

Just as she is about to exit. Sniffles, enters carrying a box.

Sniffles

Hello Penny. Where have you been?

Nurse

Hello Sniffles. Just getting the rest of the food together for Princess Beauty’s christening.

Sniffles

Did you get my favourite?

Nurse

Yes. I got your favourite

Sniffles

I knew I could rely on you.

Nurse

Ah you see. I know you’re always partial to a bit

Sniffles

Penny! That was a long time ago. We were young. You remember how poor I was? There were so many holes in my socks I could put them on seventeen different ways. That’s when the King and Queen took me in. They were always fair with me. Remember when I wanted a cat, and the Queen wanted a dog? The King brought a cat and taught it to bark.

Nurse

Well, you’re doing all right now, aren’t you? Living here in the Palace. Anyway, where were you taking that box?

Sniffles

This is my special box.

Nurse

What’s so special about it?

Sniffles

It’s my sweetie jar. Look. (lifts the lid)

Nurse

Ooooh I say. Look at all these. There’s too many here for you. Can’t we give some away?

Sniffles

Who to?

Nurse

What about my friends out there?

Sniffles

No. They’re mine.

Nurse

Go on you meanie. Isn’t he mean boys and girls? (audience should shout ‘yes’)

Sniffles

Oh no I’m not! (business as usual) Oh all right. Here you are. (throws sweets out)

Nurse

That’ll keep them quiet for a bit. I’m off to see the King and Queen. You coming?

Sniffles

I’ll be there in a minute. I just want somewhere to hide my sweets.

Nurse

Ok. See you later. (exits)

Sniffles

(puts his box in a suitable hiding place – to audience) If I leave my sweets here, will you look after them for me? Because if anyone pinches them, there won’t be any sweets for later. So if anyone comes near it, will you shout for me? (audience should shout ‘yes’) Shall we try it? I’ll pretend to steal the sweets. Will you shout Sniffles? Ready? (business as usual) That’s fantastic. I’ll see you later. (exits)

FX:

Lights dim as Duck & Dive enter.

Dive

‘Ere Duck. Is this the right place?

Duck

I dunno. It’s a bit empty for a palace, innit?

Dive

‘Course it’s empty, you clot. They ‘eard us coming and didn’t want to cross the bad guys, did they?

Duck

No Dive. Er…what bad guys?

Dive

You really are one step away from an idiot

Duck

(shaking hands) How do you do, idiot?

Dive goes to slap him, but Duck ducks.

Dive

It’s us, cloth ‘ead. We’re the bad guys.

Duck

Are we?

Dive

‘Course we are. Song: Duck & Dive. After song ends…

Duck

So what do we do now Dive?

Dive

We wait for the boss.

Duck

What’s she want with us then?

Dive

She’s a woman isn’t she? You know women can’t do anything for themselves. She uses us for the muscle.

Duck

Oh, I love mussels I do – and cockles.

Dive

‘Muscles’ you idiot. Not ‘mussels’. (standing in a body-building pose)

Duck

(feeling his muscles) Who’s muscles is she using then?

Dive

I don’t know. Haven’t you got any brains?

Duck

Yeah. I got some from the butchers last week, along with half a pound of liver.

Dive

You fool. (spots the sweet box) ‘Ere I wonder what this is?

They walk over to the box – audience should shout and Sniffles runs on.

Sniffles

Aha!

Duck

Run, Dive!

Duck & Dive quickly exit.

Sniffles

Thanks kids!

Nurse enters followed by the Chorus.

Nurse

Who are you talking to?

Sniffles

My friends out there.

Nurse

My friends, you mean!

Sniffles

No. They’re my friends.

Nurse

I’ll tell you what we can do. We’ll share them. I’ll have all the good-looking ones. (looking at the audience trying hard to find a good looking one) Yes. well I’ll have…(famous hunks name)….look-a-like and you can take the rest.

Chorus run on.

Chorus 1

They’re coming! They’re coming! King Arthur, Queen Martha and the baby!

FX:

Fanfare.

King & Queen enter carrying the baby.

Queen

Hello dears.

King

You can’t do it like that Martha. You have to have an announcement.

Queen

Why?

King

So they know we’re coming

Queen

But we’re already here.

King

It’s so they know who we are.

Queen

But they already know who we are. Don’t you?

King

But this is a formal occasion. Not a coffee morning.

Queen

I know that.

King

My dear. You must keep up with these things, or our daughter will grow up cleverer than you.

Sniffles

(aside to Nurse) Well that wouldn’t be difficult.

Sniffles

Nothing your Majesty.

King

Martha dear. Have all the guests now arrived?

Queen

Yes dear.

King

And have they all brought presents?

Queen

Yes dear. Lovely presents. She’s had seventy-seven silver spoons and sixty-six teething rings.

King

(wiping his eye) How nice.

Sniffles

(to Nurse) I thought she got beauty and happiness? Things like that?

Nurse

She’s got those already. Fairy Rose and Fairy Sunshine came earlier.

Queen

But Fairy Light didn’t.

Nurse

Late again is she?

Sniffles

Forgotten again more like.

King

Well her invitation was sent out

Queen

That doesn’t mean anything. She’s probably put it somewhere safe. That safe that she can’t find it.

Nurse

What about Fairy Rose and Fairy Sunshine. They’ll remind her won’t they?

Queen

They will .If they can find her.

Chorus 2

Your Majesty. We could search for her.

King

What a good idea. Try the Royal television room first. She’s probably watching Celebrity Big Brother again.

Queen

What was that, Sniffles?

Chorus 3

Yes your Majesty.

Chorus exit.

FX:

Lights dim. Spooky music plays.

Nightshade enters dressed as an old lady.

Nurse

Who’s that?

Sniffles

Blimey. It’s E.T

Queen

Arthur dear. What’s happened to the lights? Have you forgotten to pay the electricity bill again? (the lights go back to normal) Thank goodness. I was beginning to think something awful had happened.

Night

So, you had your lovely baby after all. My advice was good then?

King

What advice? What is she talking about?

Night

I helped the Queen, your Majesty. Because of me, you now have an heir

King

Well why didn’t you say so? You saved us from that terrible curse.

Night

I thought the Queen would have told you, your Majesty.

King

Why didn’t you my dear?

Queen

I didn’t think you would approve.

King

There, there, don’t upset yourself. (whispers) Was it a magic spell? Never mind. It’s all turned out with a happy ending. However it happened, we have our daughter.

Queen

But you don’t understand.

Night

No your Majesty, he doesn’t, does he? You see Sire, your lovely wife here promised to let me know about the birth of your child and invite me to the Christening.

King

Well I don’t see anything wrong in that. So why didn’t we invite her?

Queen

Because she wanted to be our child’s godmother. I thought if I didn’t tell her, then she wouldn’t know about it.

King

(looking at Nightshade) I think I’m beginning to understand my dear.

Night

I’m sure you are. After all, you wouldn’t want an old hag like me as godmother to the heir, would you?

King

Oh…er…

Night

Even if the old hag could save you from the curse? Sadly, your wife’s oversight has cost you dearly. (throws off cloak)

All gasp.

King

Who are you?

Night

You will have heard of me. My name is Nightshade Music cue spooky

Queen

I knew there was something mysterious about her.

Night

Now hear this, all of you. You think the curse of Princess Beauty no longer exists.

King

Well, yes.

Night

(snaps) How wrong you are. You have betrayed me, and you will pay.

King

Sniffles. Summon the Royal guards, and have this thing ejected.

Night

But I have yet to give her my present. Before her eighteenth birthday, she will die! Ha-ha-ha!

King

But you won’t. My magic forest will surround you, and time will stop, and you will all die.

Night

And don’t think you will have anymore children, because

Queen

Nurse. You won’t let Princess Beauty corn to any harm, will you?

Nurse

Over my dead body.

Night

That can be arranged. Your beloved child will prick her finger on a spinning wheel.

King

Sniffles. Send out a proclamation. All spinning wheels in the kingdom are banned, with immediate effect.

Sniffles

Yes, your Majesty.

Night

That won’t help you. Your fate is sealed. Ha-ha-ha!

Magical sound. Fairy Light enters, yawning.

Queen

Fairy Light! Where have you been?

Fairy

Sorry your Highness, I overslept. Have I missed anything?

Queen

Yes! Nightshade!

Fairy

Where? (looks behind her) Nightshade has been here? Just what did she want? I wish I’d got here sooner Because I’d have pushed her in the font.

King

She’s been and gone, Fairy Light. You missed her. But she’s…(suddenly overcome)

Sniffles

Allow me to explain, your Majesty. Apparently Nightshade helped Queen Martha when she wanted a child, as she saw herself as Princess Beauty’s godmother. When she didn’t tell her of her child’s birth, she became angry and says the Princess will die before her eighteenth birthday.

Nurse

And on top of that. A magic forest will surround us, and we too will die

King

Can you help us Fairy Light? Can you break the spell?