Scene One – The Village

Music cue 1: Opening chorus. Jack & Jill & Chorus. A happy song and dance maybe round a maypole.

Ma Kipling enters from bakers shop (SR)

Ma Kipling

(wiping flour from her apron) What is all this noise about?

Jack

Haven’t you heard, Mother? The Queen has given birth to a daughter.

Jill

We have a new Princess, isn’t it exciting?

Jack grabs Jill and they start to dance.

Ma Kipling

Calm down you two! Old Baron Bankrupt will hear you and we don't want him around, do we?

Jack & Jill stop dancing and hold hands.

Ma Kipling

(notices audience) Oh! Hallo boys and girls!

Chorus

Hello Mrs Bun the Baker.

Ma Kipling

My names not Mrs Bun, I’m Ma Kipling the baker.

Chorus

Oh no you’re not!

Ma Kipling

Oh yes I am! I must be because I make exceedingly good cakes. I’ll tell you what, as we are all friends you can call me Katy, ok?

Chorus

Hello Katy ok!

Ma Kipling

No, no, no! You just call me Katy, ok?

Jack

Well, that is what they called you.

Ma Kipling

Look son, you know my name is Katy, don’t you?

Jack;

Yes, so why did you tell them your name was Katy ok?

Ma Kipling

I didn’t say my name was Katy ok, I said it was Katy…ok!

Chorus

Oh no you didn’t!

Ma Kipling

Oh yes I did!

Chorus

Oh no you didn’t!

Ma Kipling

Oh, let’s not argue over this, I’m getting confused.

Jill;

So is everybody else!

Ma Kipling

Now! When I shout "Hello boys & girls" will you please answer "Hello Katy"?

Chorus

Ok, Katy!

Ma Kipling

Oh dear! I think we’ll be here all night trying to get this right. Anyway, let’s give it a try-Hello boys & girls!

Chorus

Hello Katy!

Ma Kipling

That’s better! Now we’d better get on, we’ve a lot of work to do. Now that the Princess has been born the King will have a big party to celebrate. And what do parties need?

Jack

Cakes?

Ma Kipling

Right! And who makes the cakes for the King?

Jack

You do?

Ma Kipling

Right! So come on Jack, back to work or we won’t be finished on time.

Jill

Oh, Ma, do you really need Jack? We were going for a walk in the woods.

Ma Kipling

I’m sorry Jill, but I really do need him. Anyway, you’ll not want to go to the woods with Jack. You don’t know what will happen!

Jill

(to audience) I know what will happen, that’s why I want to go to the woods with him. He’s exceedingly good company!

Ma Kipling

What did you say? Oh, never mind. Come on Jack!

Jack/Jill

(together) Goodbye, my love!

Ma Kipling and Jack exit (SR) into bakers shop.

Baron Bankrupt enters (UR)

Baron

What’s going on here? Why isn’t every body working?

Jill

Father, we’ve just found out that the Queen has given birth to a daughter. Isn’t it great?

Baron

Don’t be silly, Jill, as a daughter of mine you should know better.

Jill

Father, what do you mean? It’s great news. The King & Queen have always wanted a daughter.

Baron

But daughters cost money! As Chancellor of the Exchequer I will have to raise more money for the royal coffers.

Jill

You don’t mean…

Baron

(interrupting) Oh yes I do. I’m going to raise the taxes

Chorus groan.

Jill

Oh no, Father! The people of Fairlictenstein already pay too much tax! You can’t take more money off them

Baron

You mean that they have some money left? (rubs hands together)

Jill

A little, but…

Baron

Then I will have that as well! I’ll tax them till the pips squeak!

Chorus groan.

Baron

Anyway, Old Ma Kipling hasn’t paid her last years tax yet!

Ma Kipling pokes her head out of the bakers shop.

Ma Kipling

Did someone mention my name?

Chorus

Yes, it was him, Ma Kipling. (points to the Baron)

Ma Kipling

(dismissive) Oh him! It’s only Baron Blastoff!

Baron

(indignant) What did you call me? My name is Baron Bankrupt!

Ma Kipling

(enters from bakers shop) I know what your name is, and I think it’s funny.

Ma Kipling, Jill & the Chorus laugh.

Baron

I’m proud of my name! I come from a long line of Bankrupts. My father was a bankrupt, my Grandfather was a Bankrupt and his father before him.

Ma Kipling

Well, it’s about time your family learned to balance their books then.

Baron

I see, so you find it amusing to make fun of my name.

Ma Kipling

Yup!

Baron

(continuing) But you’ll be laughing on the other side of your face when I send you to the dungeons for not paying your taxes.

Ma kipling

But I’ve paid my taxes.

Baron

You haven’t paid me!

Ma Kipling

The cheques in the post!

Baron

But the post hasn’t been invented yet!

Ma Kipling

Then I’m afraid it will take a little time to arrive. Bye! (exits into shop)

Baron

That woman will be the death of me!

Ma Kipling

(pops head though shop door) Oh, I do hope so! (pops head back in)

Beadle & Bundle enter (UL)

Baron

(to Beadle & Bundle) Well, I never did!

Villager

You must have done, you’ve got a daughter!