The curtain opens just as the last line of the song is being sung. Laura’s father is driving in the car that is on stage. Laura is waiting down-stage right. She sees him and waves. He sees her and mimes pulling the car over. She hops in the passenger side. He mimes pulling out and driving.

Father

So, how was the singing lesson?

Laura

(playing with her MP3 player while giving a disappointed look) Horrible!

Father

Oh really, did you tell her about the audition?

Laura

(putting her headphones on, trying to get her player to work, but not succeeding and really not wanting to discuss the music lesson, frustrated) I can’t believe it. My ipod was working yesterday. (irritably) Yes, I told her about the audition.

Father

And?

Laura

(looking frustrated about not getting her player to work, then rolling her eyes knowing that her father isn‘t going to let up until he gets an answer) She says if I don’t start using my diaphragm, I’m never going to get the sound out of my voice that will get me any audition. I think it’s my headphones, can I plug into the radio? (doesn’t wait for an answer, goes ahead and plugs her headphones into the car radio anyway)

Father

You’re diawhat?

Laura

My diaphragm! Suddenly the father’s cell phone rings and he is immediately engaged in what looks like a very important conversation. Laura, turns on her ipod. As she adjusts the volume, the three rock musicians walk onto the right portion of the stage with their guitars and take their places. This song is sung like your typical heavy metal rock song, with lots of jumping around, head bopping and intense angry expressions. While the musicians are playing, Laura is bobbing her head up and down to the music. By the time the second verse comes, the father is becoming frustrated at trying to hear on his cell phone. He shifts his phone from one ear to the other, then puts one finger in the ear, leans his head part-way out the window and anything else so that he can hear. Finally, in verse three, he tells Laura to turn it down. She can’t hear a word he is saying and tells him. For the last two lines of the song, they engage in this ferocious battle with the volume control. The sound person can turn the volume up and down on the real sound system as Laura and her father fight for the volume control in the car. Finally, the father turns the radio off completely. Hello? Yea… (Laura fiddles with the car radio until the song comes on)

Chorus

Singing is grand, everyone can
If you fully utilize use your diaphragm
First you make your jaw and neck go just like jelly
Then relax your torso from shoulders to belly
Take the air in slow where the backs meets the pelvis
Then empty your lungs slowly, you’ll be singing like Elvis

Chorus
Singing is grand, everyone can

Father

(while still on his cell phone) Laura, can you turn that down? (he goes back to talking on his phone)

If you fully utilize use your diaphragm

Laura

What?

Diaphragm breathing for singing is vital

Father

(covering up the cell phone and raising his voice) I said turn it down. (He goes back to talking on the phone)

For renditions in auditions and for every recital

Laura

I can’t hear you.

Just keep all your muscles loose and try to relax

At this point, the crazy dancing of the rock musicians dies down, so that the focus can be put more on Laura and her father. The father reaches over and turns down the volume. Laura then turns it back up. The father reaches over again while still talking on the phone, to turn it down. Laura then turns it up.

Point your hips down forward and don’t slouch your back

Finally, after become tired of this tug of war, the father reaches over and turns off the radio completely.

Chorus (x2)#

Father

(angrily) Laura, do you mind? I’m on the phone.

Laura

But Dad, those were the Arrowheads.

The musicians look at each other, shrug, then walk off stage with their instruments. The father turns back to his cell phone.

Father

(apologetically) Look, can I call you back? I need to address something here. (waiting for a reply) Thanks.

Father

(turning to Laura, still angry) Laura, that just happened to be my boss.

Laura

(slumps in her seat sheepishly) I’m sorry, but I couldn’t hear.

Father

(trying desperately not to explode) How could you not hear? Everyone within ten city blocks could.

Laura

(giving her father a persecuted look and somewhat succeeding) I’m sorry. I just wanted to listen to the song. They’re my favorite band.

Father

Look, the Airheads may be your favorite band…

Laura

Arrowheads, Dad! Not airheads!

Father

Whatever! But, you don’t have to listen to them at that volume. (He starts putting his cell phone away.)

Laura

(thinking carefully)Dad, didn’t you used to belong to a rock and roll band?

Father

Yes.

Laura

And weren‘t you the lead singer?

Father

(proudly) Yes, as a matter of fact, I was.

Laura

And didn‘t you always talk about how LOUD your band always played?

Father

(realizing that he is being conned, the father decides to change the subject: irritably) We’re not going there. Now, didn’t you saying about singing with a diagram?

Laura

(rolling her eyes) Diaphragm! I’m supposed to sing from the diaphragm.

Father

And what exactly is that?

Laura

(contemplates explaining the whole thing to him, then decides not to) Oh, never mind.

Father

(unplugs Laura‘s headphones and makes a few adjustments on the radio) Let’s try the radio. Maybe we can find something that sounds a little more like music.

Laura

(sarcastically) Oh Dad, please! Not Snooze Country.

Father

(patronizingly) Now, young lady, you need to keep an open mind to all forms of music.

Country DJ

(in a very put on country accent) That was Merrill O’Connor with I Lost my Woman When I Lost My Truck and…(Father reaches over to adjust the volume)

Laura

(pondering) You know, maybe I need an instrument to play, like a guitar. Avril Lavigne has a guitar. I mean, it might help me with my singing.

Father

(still adjusting the volume) Maybe…

Country DJ

And this is Dale Picket with The Best Instrument is Your Voice

Both father and daughter freeze in mid conversation as the four country musicians come on and take their places. The most important thing for the musicians is that they should all look a little forlorn and hurtin’. For Laura and her father, some really animated hand gestures might be good here to make sure the audience knows that they are in a frozen position. This sung is song by the lead singer and choir with a real country twang.

#You could play a fancy Spanish guitar with flamenco dancers thrown in
Pay a professional string quartet with Stradivarius violins
Hire a Dixie-land jazz band
That makes a wonderful noise
But, no one will swoon if nobody croons
‘Cause the best instrument is your voice

You can drum on a bongo from the Congo
And bang your Chinese gong
Conduct the Slavonic philharmonic
But, it would not help your song
Play minor chords on a church keyboard
That would make heaven rejoice
But the grandest piano, still needs a soprano
‘Cause the best instrument is your voice

(lead singer with choir)
Flutes, trombones and saxophones
A whole section of strings
love all of them, but not like when
With all your heart you sing.
You could go to far off India and meditate on a sitar
Hire a rock group from LA with electric distortion guitar
Get a viola from Austria
A six string from Detroit
But for my vocals, I think I’ll just stay local
‘Cause the best instrument…
The best instrument is your voice#