Scene Two

The Leaky Bucket

The curtain goes up to reveal the large set of the ship The Leaky Bucket. Large deck, mast, barrels, ropes, etc. They continue to sing and dance before leaving SR) After number ends…

FX:

Sea sounds play quietly in the background.

Bridget the Parrot, (a hand-puppet) multi-coloured feathers, appears over the edge of the ship. In a female parrot voice, she begins to sing the Akon classic. She seems despondent.

Bridget

‘Lonely…I’m so lonely….I have nobody….to call my own…’Oh hello you lot. Don’t mind me! I’m not important. I’m just Bridget Bones. Just a parrot with thighs the size of oak trees. Do you know how many calories there are in a peanut? How am I going to pull a fella looking like a technicolour whale that’s washed up on the beach? (sigh) Yes, I’m Bridget. Official Lucky Mascot of the Leaky Bucket and confidante to Mr Loverman himself, Sinbad. Oh he’s good at heart, he really is, but he’s always treated us ladies like he treats his Nintendo, as mere objects of pleasure to be discarded when he’s had his fun. I need to meet other birds really. It’s not healthy spending so much time with humans. Last night I found myself nibbling a digestive biscuit and watching Deal Or No Deal.

Sinbad comes on (SR) with Malignant. Both regard an ancient-looking map.

Malignant

We are approaching the first of the challenges that will test our nerve and cunning once we reach Skull Island, the starting point for our quest. They run in this order. The Cape of Catastrophe, The Trio of Terror, The Haunted Graveyard, The Jungle of the Damned, The Ship of Doom, and finally, the Cave of the Living Dead.

Sinbad

Ha! Reminds me of my last visit to…(neighbouring town/village)…! (looks for acclaim but it goes down like a lead balloon. He coughs)

Malignant

It is through the Cave we shall find the entrance to the Kingdom of Atlantis. I will summon your crew. The Cape of Catastrophe draws near, though what terrors it holds is not written. You must be ready for anything.

Malignant exits (SR)

Sinbad sees Bridget who has been listening. He goes over to her.

Sinbad

Ah, my faithful old friend Bridget.

Bridget

Less of the ‘old’ thank you!

Sinbad

Something troubles thee? You fear the peril ahead?

Bridget

I suppose I’m feeling my age. I have just turned….ahem….twenty nine.

Sinbad

Again?

Bridget

All right genius! I’m thirty two. That’s the age a parrot should be thinking about giving up the mascot business and building a nest for two.

Sinbad

Ah ha! So it is matters of the heart that way heavy on you. Strange you should say this, for such a subject has been pressing upon me lately. Yes, even me, the lone wolf of the high seas. (sleazy) Emphasis on ‘wolf’. Grrrrrrrr!

Bridget

(muttering bitterly to herself) Oh yes, let’s make it all about you again.

Sinbad

(not hearing) For I myself, more often lately have wondered about settling down. But what woman could endure following me around the world on the Leaky Bucket?

Bridget

How fairs the good princess? It’s been a while since you seen her. You used to pull her pigtails at school.

Sinbad

Ha! A freckled-faced young whelp with thighs the size of oak trees.

Bridget

Humph! Appearance isn’t everything you know.

Sinbad

No, but it sure as sugar helps!

Harry, Ron and Hermione and the Penelope enter (SR) Penelope, like all of them, has a dagger now attached to her side.

Harry

We stand ready and waiting Captain Sinbad

Hermione

Ready to fight at your side against any danger.

Ron

Hotpants. Were they really so bad? Just think about it.

Sinbad

Princess Penelope. Please stay below. Danger approaches though I know not in what form. It is not safe to be on deck.

Penelope

I’ve been below deck for weeks. I’m not a weakling or a coward. I have a dagger. I have courage! I can fight. I fought you often enough behind the bike sheds.

All

Oooooooh!

Sinbad

This isn’t the time or place for this.

Harry

Do you two have history?

Hermione

Harry! Don’t be nosy! (Whispers to Sinbad) Do you?

Sinbad

She had a thing for me at school. It was a long time ago! I can’t believe she’s still angry at me, just because I took somebody else to the school Prom.

Penelope

Look ‘Sindy….’

Everyone sniggers.

Sinbad

(seethes).I told you at school not to call me that.

Penelope

And I told you not to call me Princess Ploppypotts, but that didn’t stop you writing it on the wall of the school gymnasium did it?

They get closer and closer, voices rising.

Sinbad

That was ten years ago!

Penelope

I still get Christmas cards addressed to that name, Captain BinBag!

Sinbad

It’s Sinbad!

Penelope

I HATE YOU!

Sinbad

I HATE YOU MORE!

Bridget

‘Lonely, I’m so lonely…’

A giant tentacle, green with circular suckers on the base, perhaps ten feet long lollops over the side of the ship and Sinbad is immediately wrapped up in it.

Music Cue 6: Terrifying music. Hermione & Penelope scream.

FX:

Deafening thunder and lightning. Evil hissing sound of the Kraken. Creaking wood. People start staggering as though the ship is being shaken. Everyone has to shout to be heard

Hermione and Penelope scream.

Malignant

By the Gods! It is the Kraken!

Ron screams even louder and more girlishly.

Malignant

The Kraken is a giant squid! The first challenge is to defeat the Kraken. Defeat him or be pulled under.

Harry

Yes! I think we’ve all reached that conclusion!

Hermione

Why is there only one tentacle! Octopus have eight.

Malignant

We’re in a recession! Cut it off him, before we are torn apart!

Everyone draws a sword or a dagger and starts hacking at the tentacle as the thunder and lighting deafen and blind with their intensity. Penelope stabs at it. Even Bridget is pecking at it.

Sinbad

Oww!

Penelope

Sorry! I missed!

Sinbad

You did that on purpose!

Penelope

Now that’s just paranoia talking.

Ron

It’s not working!

Harry

Wait! Hermione. Give us one of your health and safety lectures! Nobody can stand listening to those!

Hermione moves away and starts to speak in a prim and formal manner.

Hermione

Ahem. The importance of proper hygiene aboard an ocean-going vessel is paramount due to the prevalence of bacteria found in the various organisms that frequent the densely populated environment of the ocean…..

Harry

It’s working. It’s loosening its grip!

Hermione

….Of greater importance on long sea voyages is proper nutrition, necessitating the need for a balanced diet of vitamins and minerals to avoid such complaints as scurvy, osteoparosis….

Ron

It’s going away!