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Pantomania - By Bob Marden |
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Characters
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Sample From Scene One. |
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Wendy |
But I live in England - and I want to go home! |
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Aladdin |
What time’s the next bus, Mum? |
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Twankey |
Don't be silly, the next bus isn't for about…er…(takes out a bus timetable) 250 years - and then two will come along at once. |
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Wendy |
But how can Rover and I get home? England's hundreds of miles away. |
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Aladdin |
I'm sorry Wendy, but we can't help you. You see, we haven't any money! |
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Twankey |
We're ever so poor. |
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Aladdin |
(encourages audience) Ah!…We're poorer than that! (audience react) That's better. |
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Twankey |
And it gets worse! |
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Aladdin |
(encourages audience throughout) Aaaaaah! |
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Twankey |
We're a one-parent family! |
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Aladdin |
Aaaaaah! |
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Twankey |
My husband, Herbert is no longer with us! |
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Aladdin |
Aaaaaah! |
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Twankey |
He left us when Aladdin was a baby! |
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Aladdin |
Aaaaaah! |
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Wendy |
Why did he go? |
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Twankey |
He suffered from fallen arches. |
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Wendy |
You mean flat feet? |
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Aladdin |
No, a bridge fell on him! |
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Twankey |
Aaaaaaaah! |
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Wendy |
But this is not helping me get home. |
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Aladdin |
I'm sorry, But I don't think there's anything we can do to help. |
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Twankey |
I wish Algie were here, he'd think of something. |
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Wendy |
Algie, I thought your husband was called Herbert? |
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Twankey |
He was (dreamily) But Algie was my first love. |
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Aladdin |
Aaaaaaaah! |
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Twankey |
Oh, don't start that again! My dearest Algie went to town one day to buy me an engagement ring and never came back. He left his "Little Rosebud" all alone! |
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Aladdin |
Aaaaaaaaaah! |
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Wendy |
Little Rosebud!? |
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Twankey |
(dreamily) He always called me his "Little rosebud". |
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Aladdin |
And you've been a blooming nuisance ever since! |
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Wendy |
Aladdin, that's not very nice. |
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Aladdin |
Sorry! |
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Wendy |
So how come you married Herbert? |
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Twankey |
I married him on the rebound. |
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Aladdin |
And I was the result…a bouncing baby! |
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Wendy |
(sits at table) Oh dear, this is not getting me back home. |
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Twankey |
(thinks) Wait a minute! What about the lamp? |
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Wendy |
The lamp? |
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Aladdin |
We've got a magic lamp. |
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Wendy |
Of course you have…and it's got a Genie inside it. |
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Twankey; |
That's right! But how do you know? |
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Wendy |
I've read the book. |
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Twankey |
Are there no secrets? |
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Aladdin |
Well, I suppose the lamp might work. |
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Twankey |
It's worth a try. |
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Aladdin |
You're right. I'll fetch it. |
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Aladdin exits (SR) |
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FX: |
Sound of a squeaky wheel. |
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Aladdin enters with a large oil lamp on wheels - squeaking stops. |
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Aladdin |
There we are! |
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Twankey |
Ooh, it's a bit dusty. I'll just give it a polish. |
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Twankey takes a duster form her pocket and polishes the lamp. |
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FX: |
Cymbal clash. |
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The Genie pops up from behind the lamp. |
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Wendy stands in surprise. |
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Genie |
(yawns to audience) It's always the same isn't it? You just get to sleep and somebody rubs your lamp again. (bored) You called Master? |
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Aladdin |
Master? My Mother rubbed your lamp. Shouldn't you call her Mistress? |
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Genie |
(to audience) Would you want her as your mistress? Anyway, I saw her getting ready in the dressing room earlier. |
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Twankey |
That’s enough Tarquin! |
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Genie/B> |
Oh! I see we're on first name terms again…I suppose you want my help (pause) again! |
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Aladdin |
Please Tarquin! We're desperate! |
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Genie |
Desperate! They must be if they gave these two the parts! |
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Aladdin |
We really do need your help. Wendy has got herself in a fix. |
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Genie |
Well, I'll try to help, but I've only got one wish left. |
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Twankey |
That's a fat lot of good. I wish we hadn't called you! |
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FX: |
Cymbals clash. |
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Genie bobs back behind the lamp. |
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Twankey |
Where's he gone now? |
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Aladdin |
Well, you said that you wished you hadn't sent for him; so he's gone - and so has the only wish he had. |
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Wendy |
Well, what do we do now? |
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Aladdin |
Oh come on; let me have a go. |
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FX: |
Cymbals clash. |
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Genie pops up again. |
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Genie |
(fed up) What is it now, O Master? |
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Aladdin |
I really am sorry about that. |
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Genie |
So am I, but I can't change the fact that your mother used up the last wish. I'm all wished out! |
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Twankey |
Yes, you do look a little pale. |
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Genie |
Wished out; not washed out! We Genie’s can't give out wishes willy-nilly you know. We have to recharge our wish tank. |
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Aladdin |
Wish tank? How do you know it's empty? |
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Genie |
Because my wick's limp! |
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Twankey |
Pardon? |
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Genie |
My wick is limp…look! (points to lamp) The lampwick! |
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Twankey |
I had a bedspread made of that. |
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Aladdin |
That was candlewick Mother! |
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Twankey |
Oh yes, silly me. |