The Sultan’s Palace

The scene opens with a Chorus of dancing girls. (Dance routine) As it ends, Dez du fez, the Sultan’s manservant speaks.

Dez

(announcing) His Imperial Magnificence, the Sultan of Morocco, Sheik Rattlenroll.

FX:

Fanfare.

All ‘subjects’ fall to the floor in respect as the Sheik enters.

Sheik

Thank you my subjects. You have my permission to rise.

Dez

Loyal greetings Sire.

Sheik

Never mind loyal greetings, what about all these squeakings?

Dez

Squeakings, oh gracious one?

Sheik

Those terrible rats! What news of them?

Dez

At the present time, the rats have taken up residence in the Palace kitchens, your flatulence.

Sheik

Then why are we all here singing and dancing the night away? Arm yourselves with brooms, spades, swords, anything you can to kill these rats.

Dez

Your Majesty, I have been trying to kill these creatures to no avail.

Sheik

Well, no wonder you haven’t killed any if you’re walking around wearing a veil. You can’t see what you’re doing. Send the slaves into the kitchens to sort out these rats, once and for all.

Dez

At once your highness. (claps his hands, all slaves exit quickly)

Sheik

(to Dez) You must issue a proclamation that I will halve my gold and jewels to anyone who can rid my kingdom of rats.

Dez

Your command shall be obeyed, your significance.

FX:

Knock at the door.

Shiek

(to Dez) Answer the door.

Dez

(goes to answer it and returns) Sire, there’s a young man at the door who wishes to see you.

Sheik

Where is he from?

Dez

From a place called England, Sire.

Sheik

England? In that case, show him in. And send word to the kitchens to get the cooking pot ready just in case.

Dez

Yes Sire. (he exits/re-enters escorting Dick)

Dick

Hi.

Dez

Bow to his majesty, you English peasant. (he exits)

Dick

(bows) My sincerest apologies sir. May I introduce you to my friend, Tommy?

Sheik

Tommy? These ugly English names! Ha ha! (turns around to see Tommy standing behind him and suddenly stops laughing) Aaaaaah! What terrible beast is this?

Dick

Your majesty. My name is Dick Whittington and this is my cat.

Sheik

Mycat, I’ve never heard of a ‘mycat’.

Dick

He’s harmless Your Majesty, he won’t hurt you…will you Tommy? Your majesty, may I present Tommy. Tommy, this is his Imperial majesty, the Sultan of Morocco, Sheik Rattlenroll.

Dick

Honestly, he’s not dangerous at all. Shake hands with the Sultan.

Dick

(to Sultan) Go on Sir, it’s quite alright. Shake paws.

The Sultan and Tommy, shake hands.

Sheik

(to Tommy) So, you’re a mycat. Welcome to Morocco.

Tommy bows

Dick

Welcome indeed your majesty, because cats are the one thing rats are scared of.

Sheik

(to Tommy) So, you’re going to help me get rid of my rats Tommy?

Tommy nods. Dez enters.

Dez

Your majesty. We have acquired some new prisoners.

Jack, Captain, Alice, Fitzwarren enter and kneel in a line in front of the Sultan wailing loudly.

Sheik

Be quiet!

Jack

(to Sultan) Oh Percy! Percy! I mean…mercy!

Captain

(to Mr Skate) Stay on your knees and plead.

Skate

What?

Captain

Plead! You should be pleading.

Skate

But I haven’t cut myself.

Dez

Silence! You are all spies and in this country spies have their heads cut off.

Jack

Oh don’t cut my head off!

Sheik

And why not?

Jack

I’d have nothing to put my hat on..

Sheik

(to Fitzwarren) And how would you like to die?

Fitzwarren

Of old age. But I wouldn’t mind a suspended sentence.

Sheik

Splendid idea. (to Dez) Hang him.

Fitzwarren

Couldn’t you just shoot me at dawn?

Sheik

Impossible.

Fitzwarren

Why?

Sheik

I don’t get up till ten.

Skate

(to Sultan) If you shoot me I’ll never speak to you again.

Sheik

Before you are exterminated, have you any last requests?

Skate

Yes, for my mum and dad, uncle George and auntie Freda, I’d like to hear Will Young singing ‘Evergreen’.

Dez

Silence!

Dick

Your majesty, you must spare them! They are my friends. I thought you were pleased with me and my cat?

Tommy kneels on floor and brings paws together as if praying.

Sheik

All right. The mycat may save the Kingdom from rats, and because of him, you shall go free.

They all stand showing relief.

Alice

(running over to Dick) Dick, you and Tommy have saved us.

Sheik

I shall get one of my guards to show you around my Palace. (he claps his hands and a guard appears. They all exit, leaving Dez and the Sultan onstage.)

Dez

Your Magnificence, it seems that the dancing girl you ordered has arrived a week early.

Sheik

Very well, send her in. (Dez nods and exits. Donna enters dressed as a belly dancer.) It’s Baghdad’s answer to Britney Spears.

Donna

My name is Sultana.

Sheik

But I was told your name was Yasmin.

Donna

Sultana is what they currently call me.

Sheik

My beautiful one. I haven’t had the pleasure.

Donna

No. And you won’t either.

Sheik

I must say, I do like your outfit.

Donna

Yes, and it wasn’t cheap. I bought it for a ridiculous figure.

Sheik

(to audience) You can say that again. (to Donna) Oh wonderful one. Men are prepared to die for women such as you.

Donna

Funny you should say that. Two men did fight a duel over me once! They used pistols to see who would get me.

Sheik

What happened?

Donna

One got me in the leg, one got me in the arm.

Sheik

There are words written in the Holy Book – "She shall come from heaven, she shall come from Paradise." Where do you come from?

Donna

Chelmsley Wood.

Sheik

I do not understand why you have come to the Middle East.

Donna

Because my father was something in oil.

Sheik

What was that?

Donna

A sardine.

Sheik

(grabbing Donna around the waist) I love you beautiful one! You must know how I feel.

Donna

I do, your hands are everywhere. Stop it!

Sheik

You can’t talk to me like that. Don’t you know who I am? My name is Sheik Rattlenroll.

Donna

I won’t tell you again, get off me.

Sheik

But I love you.

(Song) Sheik and Donna – "Do you love me?" "Teddy Bear" or "Don’t be cruel". After song, Dick and Alice enter followed by Fitzwarren, Captain and Mr Skate.

Dick

What’s all this noise?

Alice

Ha ha it’s Donna. You look fantastic.

Donna

(taking the Sultan’s hand) I think I’m going to be Mrs Rattlenroll.

Dick

Donna, that’s great.

Fitzwarren

Well done Donna.

Captain

Good Luck.

Dramatic music and lights change as King Rat enters. All freeze.

King Rat

King Rat rules Morocco as you see,
And who is it that dares to challenge me?

Fairy Belle enters with Tommy.

Fairy

I do.

King Rat

Drat! Come here my rats, come this way. (Rats enter. Tommy chases them and chases them off) Ha, you think I’m finished and the end will be tragic,
But I have a sword surrounded with magic.

Fairy

King Rat

I’m a brilliant swordsman,
The best in town.
Success for me is on the cards,
Stand strong young Whittington.
Be on your guard.

Donna exits during duel. A duel takes place between King Rat and Dick, with the outcome of Dick winning.

Dick

What shall I do with him boys and girls? (audience respond)

Alice

No Dick, don’t kill him. I have a far more horrible ending for him. Fairy, I wonder if you can help me? (she whispers in Fairy’s ear)

Fairy

Of course my dear. (waving her wand)
You’ve terrorised people all your life,
Casting magic spells and causing strife,
Your character will change by voice and sight,
I will make you now all sweetness and light.

King Rat

(angrily) You will not see the last of me Whittington, I... (there is a sudden flash and King Rat’s voice and personality changes and becomes soft and polite) I do think you’re wonderful Mr Whittington. And I promise, hand on heart, Mr Fitzwarren, never to be a bother to you again.

All

Hooray!

Sheik

There is just one honour left to perform. (he claps his hands and Dez enters carrying a velvet cushion, on which sits a large gold medallion with a thick ribbon attached to it, and puts it around Tommy’s neck) Arise Sir Tommy – Grand Sultan of all Mycats.

All

Hooray!