Music cue 1: Fairy enters (SR)

Fairy

Hello boys and girls mums and dads. My name is Fairy Nuff. Yes it is a rather funny name. But I’ll bet some of you have even funnier names. Isn’t that so ‘Mr Ben Dover’ P.E. Instructor? Now I am a Fairygodmother, and I’ve come here to help a poor young girl called ‘Cinders’ achieve her dream of getting on the British Netball Team. But her wicked head-teacher, Greta Bucket’ is determined to stop her at all costs and get one of her own daughters on the team instead.

Music cue 2: Greta enters (SL)

Fairy

Greta Bucket!

Greta

It’s pronounced ‘Bouquet’ you stupid Fairy!
And you really must be rather lairy,
To think that you can stop my scheme,
And get your Cinders on the team.

Fairy

I’ll lead you such a merry dance.
And see that Cinders gets her chance,
No matter how you plot and scheme,
She will achieve her long-held dream.

Greta

I’ll leave your sights for a short time,
But rest assured this day will be mine.
My girls will be on that netball team,
And I will crush your stupid, Cinder’s dream (exits)

Fairy

Greta thinks she’ll win the day,
But I’ll show her that good holds sway.
So will you help me in my fight,
And put the evil head to flight? (audience shout)
Thanks. Now let the term begin.(exits)

Blackout – cloth/tabs out – lights up.

Scene One

The Schoolyard

Students enter. Music cue 3: Students. After song ends…

Buttons enters (SL)

Buttons

(to Children) Good morning people!

Children

Good morning Buttons!

Buttons

(to audience) It’s brilliant being head boy here at (name of local school). Everyone respects you so.

Students make faces and stick their tongues out behind his back.

Buttons

(to audience) Are you all new here? (audience reply) why didn’t anyone tell me you were coming? (to Students) Are you lot holding out on me?

Chorus

No buttons!

Buttons

I should hope not. Now off you go, or you’ll be late for your lessons.

Students exit (SR)

Buttons

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is ‘Bobby Buttons’ and it’s my job to make sure all the students stay out of trouble, and I help anyone in need. I hope we can all be friends. Now I’ve noticed that some of you aren’t wearing uniform. But seeing as it’s your first day, I’ll let you off this once. Although if the acting head spots you, you could be in big trouble. Her name is Greta Bucket and she’s really horrible. The previous head was lovely. But he/she suddenly took ill just after Greta joined the teaching staff, and it wasn’t long afterwards that Greta’s two daughters Ofsteda & Algebra joined the school. I wouldn’t say they were ugly, but since they arrived all the mirrors in the girls washroom have cracked. Anyway, let me show you around the place. Now this is the playground where we spend our breaks, and it’s also where our famous netball team practices. I never miss a game. Especially as my girlfriend ‘Cinders’ plays in the team…well she’s not officially my girlfriend, because I’m too shy to ask her out. Would you like to meet her? (audience respond) Ok, I’ll call her. Cinders! Oh cinders!

Cinders enters (SL)

Cinders

Hello Buttons. Did you call?

Buttons

Yes Cinders. I’d like to introduce you to the new lot of students that have just started today.

Cinders

(to audience) Hello there. I hope you’ll like it here. (to Buttons) I’m just on my way to biology lessons? Are you coming, buttons?

Buttons

Oh no, I can’t stand biology. Besides, I have to run through the school timetable with the new students. Not to mention telling them about all the new school rules.

Cinders

Greta has introduced rather a lot of new rules this term.

Buttons

You’re not kidding. She’s passed more rules than an N.U.T conference.

Cinders

Well, I’ll leave you to it then. (to audience) Bye everyone, see you later. (waves to audience and exits SR)

Buttons

(to audience) Isn’t Cinders nice? (audience respond) Although underneath that bubbly exterior I think she’s quite unhappy. She’s never been the same since her mother passed away last term.

Uglies

(singing off) #don’t blame it on the sunshine, don’t blame it on the moonlight, don’t blame on the good times, blame it on the boogie#

Buttons

(looking to wing) Oh no, here comes Ofsteda & Algebra! I’m off. Watch out boys, they’ll be after you! (exits)

Uglies enter (SL)

Uglies

(singing) #don’t blame it on the sunshine, don’t blame it on the moonlight, don’t blame on the good times, blame it on the boogie#

Ofsteda

Sister dear, you’re so out of tune again.

Algebra

I am so not!

Ofsteda

You are so! It’s like listening to nails scratching down a chalkboard.

Algebra

Am I boovered? Am I boovered?

Ofsteda

Everyone knows I have the best voice in the school,

Algebra

So how come the music teacher banned you from the school choir?

Ofsteda

Because he didn’t want the others to look bad when put next to me.

Algebra

(notices boys in the audience) Ofsteda…

Ofsteda

What?

Algebra

Boys! (points to audience)

Ofsteda

Oh, they look new.

Algebra

Let’s introduce each other.

Ofsteda

All right. This is my sister Algebra (indicates Algebra)

Algebra

Yoo-hoo! Pleased to meet you. Now let me tell you all about myself. Well as you can see, I’m gorgeous with a fantastic body…well that’s pretty much all you need to know. Now which of you boys would like to meet me behind the bike shed?

Ofsteda

Oi! Introduce me, you selfish tart! There’s enough boys out there for the both of us.

Algebra

They won’t fancy you!

Ofsteda

And why not?

Algebra

Well don’t take this the wrong way sister dear. But you’re fat!

Ofsteda

Look who’s talking!

Algebra

I’ve been on numerous diets I’ll have you know.

Ofsteda

They obviously didn’t work. Even your weight watcher’s diet failed.

Algebra

Well it wasn’t easy watching the scales while I ate.

Ofsteda

Well don’t start dieting again. Since you got to that size we’ve been able to get channel five on the television. Now, introduce me.

Algebra

Oh, all right then. Boys and girls, mums and dads, people of all ages and abilities, allow me to introduce my sister – Ofsteda.

Ofsteda

(to audience) How do you do?

Algebra

And we're

Uglies

‘The beautiful sister’s’!

Algebra

Everyone calls us the ‘ugly sister’s’, but they’re just jealous because we’re the best players on the netball team.

Ofsteda

Oh yes we are! And a scout for the national team is coming here today, to check out our marvelous ball handling skills.

Algebra

One of us is going to be picked for the national team and earn our fortune as a professional player.

Ofsteda

The only problem is that there are lots of better…I mean ‘bitter’ people who stand in our way.

Ofsteda

So we have to find a way to nobble the others. Especially that sickly sweet swot, Cinderella.

Algebra

If only there was someone who could help us. (hinting to someone in wing) I said. ‘If only there was someone who could help us’!

Uglies

(shouts) Mumsy!

Music cue 4: Greta enters (SL)

Greta

(to Uglies) You called girls?

Algebra

Of course we’re called ‘girls’ mum!

Ofsteda

We have to find way to stop Cinderella getting on the netball team mumsy.

Greta

Don’t worry girls. I am already working on a clever plan to make sure one of you wins that place on the National Netball Team.

Algebra

But which one?

Greta

I don’t know. You’ll just have to fight each other for it.

Ofsteda

Ok, sister. Let’s go. (starts rolling her sleeves up)

Algebra

Bring it on, sister. (raises her fists) I’ll make mincemeat out of you.

Greta

No, no you idiots! I don’t mean literally ‘fight’. There is only one place available on the team, so you’ll just have to pit your netball skills against each other – and the one who impresses the coach the most, will win.

Ofsteda

In that case, I’ll easily win.

Algebra

Oh no you won’t!

Ofsteda

Oh yes I will!

Algebra

Oh no you won’t!

Greta

Stop arguing! I want you to work together to make sure Cinderella doesn’t get a place on the team ahead of you.

Uglies

Yes, mumsy!

Algebra

Music cue 5: Ofsteda and Algebra. After song ends…

Greta

Now, are you ready to give my plan 110%?

Algebra

That’s not possible, mumsy. Despite what all the footballers say. 100% dictates a full load, and effort can not go beyond the maximum mark. So 110% is unachievable.

Greta

If I’d wanted a maths lesson I’d have booked Carol Vorderman! Now both of you get out of my sight until I need you.

Uglies

Yes, mumsy!

Uglies exit (SR)

Greta

And now to put my plan in place,
A netball coach shall be my ace.
His training routine will make quite sure,
That Cinder’s career is no more.

Greta exits (SL)

Vince charming enters (SL)

Vince

Hello everyone! My name is Vince Charming and I'm the National Netball scout. And I’ve come here to…(current place)…because I’ve heard there’s a lot of talent here at…(name of current school)