The Debt Collector’s Kiosk

Dimmed lighting. Hide and Seek enter (SL)

Seek

That’s it. We’re gonna forget debt collecting and go back to being detectives.

Hide

Suits me. Debt collecting is much too dangerous.

They enter the kiosk and disappear.

Dandini and the Prince enter.

Dandini

This looks like the place sire. (knocks on the counter)

Seek

(from inside the kiosk) Who’s there?

Dandini

Dandini.

Hide

Houdini!?

Dandini

No, ‘Dandini’ from the palace.

Hide & Seek appear.

Hide

What do you want at this time of night?

Prince

I need you to find me a girl.

Seek

Sorry sir, but we’re not that sort of agency. (goes to close the window)

Prince

(stops him closing the window) No, no. She’s run away.

Hide

Is she lost then?

Dandini

Well of course she’s lost! Why else would you be looking for her?

Seek

I’m not looking for anyone.

Hide

Neither am I.

Dandini

Not yet you aren’t!

Prince

But you soon will be.

Seek

He’s lost me now.

Hide

He’s very careless isn’t he – that’s the second person he’s lost today

Prince

I haven’t lost anybody!

Seek

Make your mind up. Have you lost someone or haven’t you?

Dandini

Look, a girl ran away from the palace last night, and we’re trying to find her.

Seek

Oh, I’m with you now.

Hide

You’re with him, now. But I thought we were partners.

Prince

Listen, the girl ran away from the palace and for some strange reason Dandini seems to think you can help find her. But having met you, I’m not so sure.

Seek

Don’t worry your highupness. We’re used to finding runaways.

Dandini

Yeah, last week we found four runaways at Heathrow.

Prince

(impressed) Really!?

Seek

Yeah. They were airport ‘runaways’ (laughs) Get it. Airport ‘runaways’. (no one laughs – sheepish) Ahem. Right, we’ll need some details. Name?

Dandini

Dandini

Seek

Not you. The girls name.

Prince

Princess Rose.

Hide

Oooh, she’s a princess!

Seek

Where’s she from?

Dandini

I don’t know.

Seek

Well how old is she?

Dandini

I’m not sure.

Hide

(to Seek) This isn’t going to be easy.

Seek

Easy! It’s nigh on impossible!

Dandini

So you can’t help?

Seek

Now I never said that, did I?

Hide

Do you think you can find her then?

Seek

Just leave it to us, sir.

Prince

Very good. Come along Dandini, we’ll continue searching for her.

Hide

‘Ang on! ‘Ang on! I thought we was looking for her?

Dandini

You are?

Seek

But if you find her first, that means we’ll have wasted our time and won’t get paid.

Prince

I will pay you for your time even if we find her first.

Dandini

Can’t say fairer than that, can we?

Prince

Let’s go Dandini.

The Prince and Dandini exit.

Hide

Do you think we’ll manage to find this Princess Rose, then?

Seek

Don’t worry, she’ll be back here before you can say ‘Jack Robinson’!

Hide

Jack Robinson! (pause) Jack Robinson! Jack Robinson!

Seek

What are you doing?

Hide

Well, you said she’d be back here before we could say ‘Jack Robinson’! So I thought if I said ‘Jack Robinson’ she’d turn up and we wouldn’t have to spend time looking for her.

Count

(hits him) You great twit! She isn’t going to suddenly turn up just because you said ‘Jack Robinson’?

Hide

It was you who said it!

Cinderella runs on (SL) she is looking at the ground and crying and bumps into Seek knocking him forward onto Hide and they both fall to the floor.

Cinderella

(realising what she’s done) Oh, I’m so sorry!

Hide & Seek get to their feet.

Seek

Cor blimey, Miss. What’s the hurry?

Cinderella

I was running away…and …and…now I’m lost! (cries)

Hide

(to Seek) Now look what you’ve done. You’ve made her cry.

Seek

(to Cinders) Please don’t cry. Did you say you were running away?

Cinderella

Yes. And now I’m lost?

Seek

(to Hide) A girl who’s running away and is lost. You know what this means don’t you, Hide?

Hide

No. What does it mean?

Seek

It means we’ll have to help her home.

Hide

You’re right.

Seek

What’s your name Miss?

Cinderella

Cinderella.

Hide

Not Princess Rose, then?

Seek

What…but…but…how did you know?

Hide

Because you just said you weren’t. Now, tell us where you live and we’ll take you home.

Cinderella

I live at Hardup Hall.

Seek

You’re Baron Hardup’s daughter?

Cinderella

That’s right.

Hide

(drags him away) We can’t take her home.

Seek

Why not?

Hide

Because you said you never wanted to set eyes on those two uglies ever again.

Seek

I know, but we can’t leave the poor girl stranded here alone at this time of night, can we?

Hide

I suppose not.

Hide

And who knows, we might even bump into that Princess Rose on the way.

Seek

(turns to Cinders) Come along Miss, we’ll take you home.

Cinderella

Oh thank you. Father will be so worried about me.

Hide

(aside to audience) Not as much as I will be if we bump into the uglies again.