Scene One

The Royal ballroom

Rostrum along the back with centre Chorus on stage, Bodgit & Scarper stand one each side of the steps. Song 10. Chorus. After song ends…

Prince & Dandini enter.

Prince

(to Bodgit) Well?

Bodgit

Yes thanks.

Prince

Aren’t you going to announce me?

Bodgit

Who are you?

Scarper

It’s him!

Bodgit

Who?

Scarper

I can’t remember

Prince

Why do you think I’m dressed like this, I’m the prince of course, now please announce me

Bodgit

Certainly. (announces) His Royal Highness, the Prince of course!

Prince

No! Just say His Royal Highness - not ‘of course’!

Scarper

Beg pardon, His Royal Highness, Prince Not Of Course!

Prince

No! No! No! (to Bodgit) I’m the prince, right?

Bodgit

Right. (announces) His Royal Highness Prince Right!

Prince

Wrong!

Bodgit

(announces) His Royal Highness, Prince Wrong!

Prince

I suppose that will have to do. (to Chorus) Good Evening everyone. I trust you are all enjoying yourselves.

Chorus

(bow and curtsy) Yes your Highness

Prince descends the steps and chats to Chorus.

Bodgit

I’m getting quite good at this announcing lark. You can announce the next guests.

Scarper

Who are the next guests on the list?

Bodgit

The Hardups.

Buttons

We’d better think of something else. I know, we’ll have a ball of our own.

Bodgit

No! You’ve got to announce them separately, like this. (announcing) His Lordship, The Baron Hardup! And the Honourable Miss Britney and Whitney, Hardup!

Scarper

(sings) And Uncle Tom Cobley an all!

Bodgit

Quiet!

Scarper

(looking around) Well? Where are they then?

Bodgit

I don’t know.

Uglies enter from the rear of the hall and make their way to the stage through the audience.

Whitney

There doesn’t seem too much dancing going on.

Britney

No. I can see this is going to be a boring party.

Bodgit

Oi! You’re supposed to be up here, not down there.

Whitney

We’re just coming. (stops suddenly and looks around) Where’s Daddy?

Runs in from the rear of the hall.

Baron

I’m here, my angels!

Whitney

About time, too!

Uglies moving towards the stage flirting and ad-libbing with male members of the audience.

Bodgit

(to Uglies) Do you mind? When you have quite finished ravishing our male guests, we’re waiting to announce you!

Britney

That’s enough from you! Now just get on and announce us!

Scarper

Ok, but it will have to be a condensed version ‘cos we’re running short of time. (announcing) The Hardup family!

All three make their way to the stage.

Britney

(sees Dandini) Oh look Whitney, its the prince, I’m all of a dither. (moves towards him, but Whitney trips her up and she falls flat on her face) Sorry princekins, I’m so eager to meet you, I’m falling over myself

Dandini

My dear lady, I’m afraid you’ve made a mistake. (indicating the Prince) This is the prince

Uglies

(exclaim) What!?

Britney

But I thought…

Whitney

(to Prince) I must apologise for my sister, I’m afraid she’s a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic. But of course I knew you were the prince all along.

Britney

So did I! (to Prince) I was having a laugh, princikins.

Prince

Ah, Baron Hardup!

Baron

(bowing) Your Highness

Prince

Isn’t your other daughter with you tonight, baron?

Baron

Cinderella? I’m afraid not your highness

Britney

She said she couldn’t be bothered to come

Prince

(deflated) Oh, I see.

Baron

I thought it was because…

Uglies

…Sssshhh!

Bodgit

(announcing) Ladies & gentlemen!

Scarper

The next dance will be a ladies excuse me!

Uglies

A Ladies excuse me!

Prince

In that case ladies…excuse me.

They start to go – Dandini manages to get away and exits. But the Uglies grab the Prince. In the meantime, the Chorus form couples.

Britney

Princey, our dance I think

Whitney

No! I think you’ll find its ours

Chor Girl

(to Prince) Excuse me.

Prince

Delighted Miss.

They dance.

Britney

We’ve been gazzumped!

Whitney

We’ll soon put a stop to that.

The Uglies march over and tap the Chorus Girl on the shoulder.

Britney

Excuse us

Uglies snatch the Prince away and dance off with him.

Whitney

Oh, princey, what a fantastic dance you are, have you been having lessons from that Michael Flatfoot?

Britney

Heavenly music, your highness.

Whitney

Yes, it’s a pity they can’t keep in time with us

Britney

Do you like the fox-trot princeykins?

Prince

Yes, but this is a waltz. (dance ends) Thank you ladies. (bows and tries to get away again)

Britney

I expect you would like the next dance with me?

Whitney

Or sit it out – with me?

Prince

Ladies, until I recover from your outstanding dancing techniques I shall dance with no-one else, I assure you. (calls) Dandini!

Dandini enters.

Dandini

Your highness?

Prince

Don’t ever leave my side again while those two are around

Dandini

Yes Sir

Buttons enters.

Baron

(to Uglies) What’s Buttons doing here?

Bodgit

(to Buttons) Would you like to be announced?

Buttons

No thank you. But you can announce the Princess Crystal.

Bodgit

Ok. (announcing) My Lords!

Scarper

Ladies!

Bod/Scar

And gentlemen! Her Royal Highness, Princess Crystal!

FX:

Fanfare.

Cinders enters to general gasps from all assembled.

Dandini

(steps forward) Princess Crystal. May I present his Highness, Prince Charming.

Cinders

Prince Charming!?

Prince

May I take the liberty of asking you to dance with me all night?

FX:

Sound of clock striking eleven.

Cinders

Not all night, your Highness, I can only stay one hour.

Prince

Then let’s not waste anymore time, princess.

Music starts and Cinders & Prince dance. During the dance everybody dances slowly off leaving them alone on the stage.

Prince

Where have you come from, princess? We have never met, although I feel I know you from somewhere.

Cinders

I feel that too, your highness. Perhaps we met in a dream.

At the end of the dance ends…Cinders & the Prince exit.

Britney

I can’t see what the prince sees in that girl.

Whitney

Neither can I. Let’s give up men for ever.

Britney

And ever.

Uglies spot Dandini and run over to him.

Whitney

He’s mine!

Britney

He’s mine!

Chorus girl enters.

Girl

No he’s not, he’s mine

Britney

I think there’s a mistake, we were just asking this gentleman the time

Whitney

Exactly! We’re not men chasers you know

They turn to exit as two Chorus Men enter and the Uglies chase them both off.

Girl

You told me you were the prince

Dandini

That was yesterday. Yesterday I was the prince.

Girl

Really? Who are you today then?

Dandini

Dandini

Girl

And tomorrow?

Dandini

Who knows – perhaps your husband?

Girl

Perhaps – I don’t know.

Dandini

Come and dance with me. it might make your mind up

Girl

Oh no! All that dancing will get me terribly confused

Dandini & Girl start to dance, Chorus joins them. Prince & Cinderella also join in, as they dance the clock strikes twelve All freeze except Prince & Cinderella. Cinderella runs off leaving slipper behind.

Prince

Princess, wait, don’t go! (finds the slipper and picks it up. On the last clock chime, every one comes to life) She’s gone! Princess Crystal has gone! Dandini, this girl must be found!

Dandini

But where sir, she has never been seen before?

Prince

I don’t know, but find her we will, she has left this slipper behind Dandini, issue this proclamation, ‘Whosoever this slipper fits, this girl will be my bride’, now go Dandini, we have no time to lose.