Scene Eight

Sherwood Forest

Bashem & Thumpem enter with the Babes.

Rosie

I’m tired.

Jim

How much further are we going?

Thumpem

This is far enough.

FX:

Animal noises.

The Babes hug each other in fright - Bashem & Thumpem also hug each other.

Bashem

I don’t like it here.

Thumpem

Me neither – the quicker we leave the better.

Bashem

Let’s go then (turns to go)

Thumpem

All right, just as soon as we’ve (draws his finger across his throat) Keecchh!

Bashem

I’m not cutting my throat!

Thumpem

Not us you idiot – them!

Rosie

I’m frightened, Jim.

Jim

Don’t worry Rosie, Robin will save us.

Rosie

Well he’ll have to be quick.

Thumpem

(to Bashem) Right, you go first.

Bashem

Why me?

Thumpem

Because I did the last ones.

Bashem

What last ones? This is the first time we’ve ever done anything like this.

Thumpem

Well I would have done the last ones if there were any.

Bashem

Ok (raises his sword) Here I go then.

Jim

Close your eyes Rosie.

Bashem suddenly lowers his sword and blubs.

Bashem

Its no use, I can’t do it!

Thumpem

You big wuss. Here, let me show you how it’s done.

Thumpem raises his sword.

Jim

This is it! Goodbye Rosie!

Rosie

Goodbye Jim!

Bashem

(covers his eyes) I can’t look.

Thumpem

Right, just one swift blow and it’s all over (hesitates and blows hard) Come on Thumpem, think of all that lovely reward money (lowers his sword) It’s no use, I can’t do it either.

Jim

You mean you’re not going to kill us after all?

Thumpem

No.

Rosie

Are you giving up being baddies then?

Thumpem

Yeah, we’re not cut out for it.

Bashem

How are we going to tell the sheriff?

Thumpem

We’ll write him a letter of resignation.

Bashem

I can’t write.

Thumpem

And I can’t read.

Bashem

Why don’t you write it and then I’ll read all the rot what you’ve rit?

Thumpem

Good idea (takes out a pencil and pad) Dear Sheriff (takes a big breath) We wish to encapsulate in its entirety our earnest endeavour to escape from your erroneous edict and ensure that you are entirely aware of our intent to equitably end our entanglement in your nefarious activities.

Bashem

Could you repeat that?

Thumpem

Not a chance. Now read back what I’ve rit.

Bashem

(reads) Dear sheriff - We quit.

Thumpen

That’ll do. Now let’s scarper.

Rosie

But what about us?

Thumpem

You’ll have to stay here and wait to be rescued.

Jim

Can’t we come with you?

Thumpem

No, we’re going to be on the run for the rest of our lives.

Bashem

We’ll be outlaws just like Robin Hood.

Thumpem

Bye kids.

Bashem

Good luck.

Bashem & Thumpem exit.

Rosie

I’m scared Jim.

Jim

And It’s getting dark.

FX:

Wolf howls.

Rosie

What was that?

Jim

It sounded like a wolf.

Rosie

Are we going to die, Jim?

Jim

Of course not Rosie. I’ll protect you.

Rosie

I’m ever so tired.

Jim

Maybe we should get some sleep

FX:

Various animal noises.

The Babes sit and huddle.

Rosie

I’m too frightened to sleep.

Jim

Maybe if we sing one of the songs that Nursie taught us. We’ll stop being frightened and fall asleep.

Music cue 17: Babes. After song ends…The Babes fall asleep. Music cue 18: Forest animals enter and cover the sleeping babes with leaves. Then exit – Nursie enters.

Nursie

Hurry up Tyson (to audience) Never take a dog into the forest. It’s taken us three hours to travel half a mile.

Tyson enters.

Hayrick enters dressed as Sherlock Holmes. He looks at the ground through a large magnifying glass, then ends up at Nursie’s feet and moves the glass up her body until he comes to her face.

Hayrick

(yells) Ahhh! (realises) Oh it’s only you Nursie. I’m hot on the kidnappers trail. I think they have a dog with them.

Nursie

You’ve been following me and Tyson you great twit!

Robin and Merry Men enter.

Marion

Nursie!

Robin

Hayrick!

Nursie

Any sign of the Babes?

Robin

No Nursie. We’ll just have to keep searching.

Nursie

I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t we just cut out the next three scenes of us walking about aimlessly in the forest, and ask that lot (indicates audience) if they know where they are?

Robin

Good idea Nursie (to audience) Do any of you know where the babes are?

Audience

Yes!

Robin

Where?

Audience

There!

Robin moves the leaves to reveal the sleeping Babes.

Marion

It’s the babes!

Nursie

Oh my little babes!

Babes

(waking) Nursie!

Nursie

Thank goodness you’re both safe.

Robin

Take them to Mrs Miggins boarding house, Nursie. Then meet me at Nottingham castle. It’s time to sort the sheriff out once and for all.

Nursie

All right Robin. Come along kids.

Nursie exits with the Babes.

Marion

I’ll hurry ahead to the castle, Robin. I can help you get inside by leaving the back door open.

Robin

Ok Marion.

Marion

Be careful, Robin. The sheriff is a treacherous opponent.

Robin

Fear not Marion. I will have my trusty Merry men with me.

Marion

See you at the castle then (exits)

Robin

To the castle men!

All exit.