• Aladdin Version 2

Synopsis:
The traditional story of the poor laundry boy, who gets ideas above his station. Aladdin is determined to catch sight of the Princess Lychee even at the risk of his life. He eventually manages this and they immediately fall in love. This almost costs Aladdin his head, but just as the executioner is about to cut his life short he is rescued by the mysterious Abanazer. He in return, asks Aladdin to retrieve a lamp from inside a deep dark cave. But an argument ensues and Abanazer seals Aladdin in the cave and leaves him there to die. But helped first by the Spirit of the Ring and then by a Genie, he eventually escapes and goes on to defeat Abanazer, win the hand of the Princess Lychee and make his family rich. A terrifically funny panto, with some great jokes and one-liners. Also includes a traditional ‘it's behind you' routine involving a Yeti, plus a brilliant laundry scene and many other comic set-piece routines.

Roles:
14 principals plus several minor speaking roles and a chorus.

Runtime:
All of our scripts have a runtime of approx 120 minutes, assuming that you use the full number of suggested musical numbers and not including any interval. But this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit.

Music:
All of our pantomimes come with a full, suggested songs and music cues and SFX list.

Style:
Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.










Characters
Aladdin
Widow Twankey
Wishee Washee
Princess Lychee
Peek-a-boo
Abanazer
Kung
Foo
Emperor
Empress
Grand Khazi
Won-hung-lo
Genie of the lamp
Spirit of the ring

Chorus/Minor roles
A Yeti or Gorilla
King Rambo-teety-tutti-frutti (a Mummy)
Laundry workers
Palace guards
Royal attendants
Abanazer's guards
Dancers, etc


Prologue


Music cue 1: Abanazer enters (SL) and moves centre stage.

Abanazer
(false friendly greeting) Greetings, friends! My name is, Abanazer. Magician  extraordinaire, caring philanthropist and all round Mr nice guy. I am on a special  quest to obtain a magic lamp, containing a most powerful Genie. And once I have it  I will use its power to enslave…I mean…ensure, world peace. But first I must find  someone capable of retrieving it for me. For it lies in a cave protected by magic,  which only someone pure of heart and brave of will can enter. I will consult the spirit  of the ring to help find me such a person. (rubs a large ring on his finger)
‘Raging winds and seas of fire,
Bring me that which I desire.
Spirit of the ring hear my command,
And before my very person stand’!

Music cue 2: Spirit of the ring enters (SR)

Spirit of ring 
You rubbed the ring and made me appear,
Now tell me why you’ve brought me here.

Abanazer
Find me someone who can enter the Cave of Wonders, and retrieve the Genie’s 
lamp for me.

Spirit of ring
Only Aladdin can retrieve this thing,
And you will find him living in old Peking.

Abanazer
Then I shall go there, find the boy and fulfil my destiny. 

Spirit of ring
You will need the magic words to enter the cave,
And even though I am your slave.
I know them not, so you’ll have to guess,
If the Cave of Wonders, you wish to access.

Abanazer
Curses! That could take forever. (looking at audience - deviously) Perhaps the boys and girls here, can help me?

Spirit of ring
Oh, I don’t think they’ll know the magic words.

Abanazer
Maybe I should ask them, just in case.

Spirit of ring
I wouldn’t bother if I were you. (during following advise audience to keep quiet)

Abanazer
(to audience) Do any of you know what the magic words are? (audience respond) You’d like to ensure world peace, wouldn’t you? (audience respond) Good. Now I know it starts with ‘open’ something. (audience shout) What? Open season? Open sandwich?Open the box? No, it isn’t any of those! What? Open sesame? Of course, that’s it! Open sesame! Ha-ha-ha! You stupid fools, you have just sealed your own fate! As soon as I have the lamp, I shall return and make all of you into my slaves! Ha-ha-ha! (exits SL)

Spirit of ring
(to audience) Oh dear, I was hoping none of you would know the magic words. Abanazer’s a nasty piece of work, and is up to no good. I only hope Aladdin is a match for him. Perhaps you can help Aladdin. Whenever he enters, I want you to cheer as loudly as you can. Will you do that? (audience react) Great. See you all later! (waves and exits SR)

Blackout - cloth/tabs out - lights up.


Scene One

The Town Square In Old Peking


Twankey’s laundrette is (USR) and a laundry basket stands outside it. Music cue 3: After song ends…Citizens exit (USL) 

Widow Twankey enters (DSL) carrying a shopping bag, and singing.

Twankey
#Keep young and beautiful, it’s my duty to be beautiful# (sees audience) Oh, hello!  If I’d known we had visitors, I’d have put on my best frock. What am I saying? This  is my best frock. Me and my sons are so poor, we get clothes parcels from Oxfam. (audience respond) We're poorer than that. (elicit audience sympathy) I tried  supplementing my income by taking a job as a contortionist, but I still couldn’t make  ends meet. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Widow Twankey and I run  this here laundrette with my two sons, Aladdin and Wishee Washee. Wishee was supposed to be helping me fetch the shopping from Tesco this morning. I don’t know where he is, but I wish-he would hurry up. ‘Wishee’ would hurry up? Ha-ha-ha! I made a little joke there. (wryly) Pity you didn’t notice it. 

Wishee Washee walks on (SR) scratching his head and yawning.

Wishee
(to Twankey) Hi, mum.

Twankey
What time do you call this, Wishee?

Wishee
Breakfast time?

Twankey
Try ‘lunchtime’.

Wishee
Sorry mum, I overslept. 

Twankey
You sleep more than a catatonic cat on tranquillisers.

Wishee
Well I’m awake now. (to audience) Hiya boys and girls! Hey, do you wanna be in my gang? (audience respond) I said ‘do you wanna be in my gang’? (audience respond) Great. Now every time I come on, I’ll shout ‘wotcha gang’, and I want you to shout back ‘wotcha Wishee’!  Will you do that for me? Right, let’s have a practice. (exits and re-enters) Wotcha, gang! (audience respond) Have they all gone home, mum? 
 
Twankey
No, but they might as well, ‘cos it doesn’t get any better.
 
Wishee
(to audience) Let’s try it again. (exits and re-enters) Wotcha, gang! (audience respond) Briliantl! (pointing to Twankey’s bag) What’s in the bag, mum?
 
Twankey
It’s my new frock. I got it in the 50% off sale at Primark. (takes half a frock out of the bag) Now I just need to find a shop that’s selling the other 50%. Well now you’re here you can help me fetch the shopping.

Wishee
Huh! We’re so poor all our shopping ever consists of is baked beans and sprouts. If it weren’t for the musical evenings our diet provided, life could get really boring round here. According to Jamie Oliver, I should be eating a balanced diet.

Wishee
(wafting behind his bottom) 

Twankey
You do eat a balanced diet.

Wishee
How do you make that out?

Twankey
The sprouts on your plate weigh the same as the beans. Anyway, today I thought I’d buy a nice joint of pork with some new potatoes, and all the trimmings. And then fill up the freezer with some nice juicy steaks, pizza and ice cream.

Wishee
(rubbing his tummy) Oooh, lovely!

Twankey
But then I realised I’d spent most of the money on half a dress, so we’ll have to settle for beans and sprouts. Now come along.

Wishee
But I haven’t had breakfast yet.

Twankey
I’ll buy you lunch at that new Chinese-Italian restaurant. ‘Gino’s Hot Wok Pasta Bar’.

Wishee
Forget it. I went there once, and came out hungrier than I went in.

Twankey
How come?

Wishee
Have you ever tried eating spaghetti with chopsticks? I ended up knitting myself a sweater.

Aladdin runs on (SL)

Aladdin
Help!  I'm being chased by a lunatic!

Wishee
Quick, Aladdin. Hide in the laundry basket!

Aladdin
Thanks Wishee. (climbs inside the laundry basket)

An angry Merchant runs on (SL) 

Merchant
(to Wishee) Where’s that useless brother of yours?

Wishee
What do you want with him?

Merchant
I paid him to look after my stall. And when I returned, the stall was empty and there was only fifty pence in the till!

Twankey
Well he isn’t here.

Merchant
I’ll catch him if it’s the last thing I do. (exits SR)

Wishee
(lifts basket lid) You can come out now.

Aladdin
(climbs out of the basket) Phew! That was close.

Twankey
What have you been up to this time, Aladdin?

Aladdin
Bogof!

Twankey
How dare you speak to your mother like that!

Aladdin
It means ‘you buy one you get one free’.

Wishee
(mimicking TV ad) You buy one you get one free.

Twankey
(mimicking TV ad) I said you buy one you get one free.

Aladdin
You see, the stallholder told me to sell everything as buy one get one free. But I got a bit confused, and put up a sign saying ‘buy one and get the rest free’.

Twankey
If only you still had the brains you were born with, Aladdin.

A Chorus of Citizens rush on (SL) chattering excitedly.

Wishee
What’s all the excitement? 

Chorus 1
Haven't you heard?

Wishee
Well not much, since the last time mother shouted in my ear.

Chorus 2
Princess Lychee is coming to Peking for a spot of royal shopping.

Chorus 3
Apparently she’s looking for a wedding dress.

Aladdin
(aghast) The Princess is getting married!

Wishee
(to Aladdin) Bad luck, bruv. I know you had a thing for her.

Twankey
He never stood a chance there. (to Chorus) Who’s she marrying?

Chorus 4
Won Hung Lo!

Twankey
I know. (adjusts her bosom) I could do with those one’s that lift and separate. 

Chorus 5
He’s the son of the Grand Khazi. 

Aladdin
But she can’t marry him!

Chorus 1
She has no choice. 

Chorus 2
Her parents have arranged everything.

Wishee
I'm glad I'm not royalty. I‘d rather decide for myself who I marry.

Twankey
You’re never awake long enough to get married.    

Aladdin
I was hoping to marry Princess Lychee myself one day.

Wishee
But you’ve never even seen her, Aladdin.

Aladdin
I know, but I hear she’s very beautiful. And I’d risk anything to catch a glimpse of her. 

Twankey
But everybody knows, it’s death for commoners to look upon the Princess.

Wishee
Royal walkabouts must be pretty quiet affairs then. Music cue 4:

Kung
(shouts off) Clear the streets! Clear the streets!

Twankey
It’s the royal party! We’d best scarper, quick!

All exit (USR) bar Aladdin who climbs back into the laundry basket unnoticed. 

Kung and Foo enter (SL) brandishing their truncheons.

Foo
Look out! Look out! 

Kung
Mind what you do!

Foo
Or the Chinese police will come for you!

Kung    
We’re the toughest coppers you'll ever meet!

Foo
So hurry up and clear the street!

Kung 
Our duties are conducted with rigorous pride!

Foo
And if you misbehave, you'll be quick stir-fried!

Kung    
My name's Kung!

Foo
And my name’s Foo!

Kung & Foo
And we'll give you a taste of the old one two! Music cue 5: (Kung-Fu style mock fight) After number ends…

Man runs on (SL)

Man 
Help! Police!

Kung
What seems to be the trouble, sir?

Man
I need to find a chemist, quick!

Foo
What for?

Man
A bee’s just stung me on the finger!    

Foo
Which one?

Man
I don’t know, they all look alike to me!

Foo
Buzz off! (hits him with his truncheon)

Man staggers off (SR)  

Woman 1 enters (SL)

Woman 1
Oh, officers.

Kung
Yes, madam?

Woman 1
Could you tell me the name of the road where Poundland is?

Foo
Oh, I know it like the back of my hand. (thinking hard) No don’t tell me, the name’s on the tip of my tongue.

Woman 1
Stick it out then.

Foo
What for?

Woman 1
So I can see the name of the road.

Kung
(prods her with his truncheon) On your way, missus.

Woman 1 exits (SR) 

Woman 2 enters (SL)

Foo
(places a hand on Woman’s shoulder) Excuse me madam, but would you mind accompanying us to the station?

Woman 2
Whatever for officer?

Kung    
It's in a rough area, and we’re frightened to go on our own.

Woman 2
(hits them with her handbag) Clear off, you big wusses! (exits SR)

Young Boy enters (SL) dressed in shorts.

Boy
(to Foo) Please sir, can you tell me where I can buy some long pants?

Foo
How long do you want them?

Boy
From October to March.

Kung
Who taught you to be cheeky?

Boy
No one, I’m self-taught.

Foo
Well here’s another lesson for you. (hits Boy on head with truncheon)

Boy
(wails) I’ll tell mum on you!

Foo
Well while you’re at it, tell her I’ll be late home for tea.

Boy
Yes, dad. (exits SR)

Grand Khazi enters (DSR)

Khazi
Make way for their Imperial Majesties! (to Kung & Foo) Clear the streets!

Kung & Foo
(shooing Citizens offstage) Clear off you lot!

Citizens exit (SL)

Music cue 6: The Emperor and Empress enter (DSR) 

Empress
Where are our subjects?

Khazi
We’ve cleared them all from the streets as usual your majesty.

Emperor 
Well bring them back at once! I have an important announcement to announce.

Khazi
Yes, your excellency. (shouts) Citizens of Peking, draw near and listen to your beloved Emperor!

Citizens re-enter (SL)

Emperor
Loyal objects I bring you good news! Princess Lychee is to be married tomorrow and the day will be a public holiday!

Citizens
Hooray!

Empress
But it will be unpaid.

Citizens
Boo!

Emperor
There will be a huge party in the palace grounds!

Citizens
Hooray!

Empress
But none of you are invited.

Citizens
Boo!

Emperor
The pubs will stay open all day!

Citizens
Hooray!

Empress
But we’ve doubled prices to pay for the royal wedding.

Citizens
Boo!

Emperor
Princess Lychee will be going on a royal walkabout!

Citizens
Hooray!

Empress
And I’m going shopping for some fabulous new designer outfits, expensive jewellery and celebrity-endorsed perfume.

Emperor
Boo! 

Empress
(to Khazi) Princess Lychee’s entourage will be here soon, and no commoner must gaze upon her face. See to it Khazi.

Khazi     
Yes, your excellency. (to Citizens) Clear the streets you rabble!

Citizen 1
(moans) ‘Clear the streets’. ‘Come back again’. I wish they’d make up their minds.

Citizen 2
Who does she think she is anyway? 

Citizen 3
She’s the Grand Khazi.

Citizen 4
I thought she looked a bit…(mimes pulling a chain)…‘flush’. (laughs)

There is general murmuring amongst the Citizens. 

Empress
(to Emperor) The citizens are getting restless. Let’s leave before they turn ugly. 

Khazi 
They couldn’t get much uglier than they already are.

Emperor
Well we’re not taking any chances. (to Empress) Come dear.

The Emperor and Empress exit (SL)

Khazi 
(to Kung & Foo) Clear all these commoners from the streets, immediately!

Kung & Foo
Right’o.

Kung and Foo draw their truncheons and herd the Citizens off (SL)

Kung & Foo 
Clear the streets! Clear the streets!

Citizen 
All right we’re going! (to audience) I don’t know, you can’t walk the streets these days without being hassled by the fuzz.

Citizens exit (SL) Followed by Kung and Foo and the Khazi. 

Lychee
(shouts off) Hurry, Peekaboo!

Princess Lychee runs on (SR) followed by Peekaboo.

Peekaboo
(gasping) What’s all the rush, your highness?

Lychee
(looking around) Well I had hoped to get here before they cleared the streets, but it seems I’m too late. Oh Peekaboo, I’m so bored with being cooped up inside the palace. I never get to talk to anyone outside its walls.

Peekaboo
But you’re to be married to Won Hung Lo tomorrow, your highness. It wouldn’t be right for you to be seen talking to lots of strange people.

Lychee
I don’t want to talk to strange people - just normal ones. Anyway, I don’t even love Won Hung Lo. In fact, I believe he loves another and I think I know who.

Peekaboo
(innocently) Who your highness?

Lychee 
Come-come Peekaboo, it’s obvious that you and Won Hung Lo love each other.

Peekaboo
(confesses) It’s true your highness. But I fear we can never be together. (cries)

Lychee
(comforting her) Don’t cry, Peekaboo. I’ll think of a way to get us out of this awful predicament.

Peekaboo
But how?

Lychee
I don’t know, but I’m sure I’ll think of something. Now run along and touch up your make-up. You don’t want Won Hung Lo seeing you, with mascara running down your face. 

Peekaboo
Yes, your highness (exits SR)

Aladdin throws back the basket lid and stands up.

Aladdin
Hello Princess!

Lychee
(startled) Oh! 

Aladdin
(climbing out of the basket) I’m sorry your highness, I didn’t mean to startle you.

Lychee
Who are you? And what are you doing hiding in that basket?

Aladdin
My name’s Aladdin. And I hid in there, to find out if you really are as beautiful as everyone says. 

Lychee
I see. (curious) And…?

Aladdin
And you’re not.

Lychee
(disappointed) Oh!

Aladdin
You’re much more beautiful. 

Lychee
You flatter me Aladdin, but you have taken a great risk. If you’re caught, my father will have you executed.

Aladdin
It was worth the risk.

Lychee
Aren't you afraid of death?

Aladdin
(boldly) I’m afraid of nothing. Well, except for mother when she’s on the warpath.

Lychee
Oh Aladdin, it's so nice to meet a real person for a change. 

Aladdin
Is it true that you’re about to be married, your highness?

Lychee
It’s true that my father is forcing me to marry someone I don’t love.

Aladdin
No one should be forced to marry against their will. Why I would climb mountains, swim oceans and scale the highest walls, for the girl I love.

Lychee
(sighs) How romantic. I wish I could meet someone who would do all that for me

Aladdin
Maybe you just have, Princess.

Lychee
You mean…?

Aladdin
Do you believe in love at first sight, Lychee?

Lychee
I didn’t…until now. Music cue 7: Lychee and Aladdin. After song ends…

Police whistles are heard offstage.

Lychee
You must leave, Aladdin! You risk your life being here!

Aladdin
I’d risk anything to be with you Lychee. If it weren’t for the fact that I’m incredibly poor, I would ask for your hand in marriage right now.

Lychee
And I would gladly accept. But my father won’t allow me to marry anyone who is not, fabulously wealthy.

Aladdin
Then I will go, make my fortune…(slaps thigh)…and then return for you.

Louder police whistles are heard offstage.

Lychee
(looks to wing) Hurry, Aladdin! They’re almost here!

Aladdin
(walks slowly backwards to DSR) Farewell Lychee, I shall return when I am fabulously wealthy.

Kung and Foo enter (SL) blowing their police whistles.

Kung    
Stop in the name of the law!

Foo    
(to Aladdin) You're under arrest for gazing upon the Princess’s face!

Aladdin
And very nice it was too. 

Kung & Foo
Get him!

Aladdin turns and runs off (SR) chased by Kung and Foo.

Lychee
(shouts) Run Aladdin! (runs off after them)

Blackout - cloth/tabs in - lights up.


Scene Two

A Side Street In Old Peking


Twankey enters (SL) 

Twankey 
What a day I’m having. The dryer’s broken down again, and I can't get the royal laundry dry. I'll never get paid at this rate and I’m flat broke. It’s all my late husband’s fault I’m so poor. He insisted we open a joint bank account. I kept depositing, and he kept withdrawing. I worked in the launderette, and he was a shift worker. Whenever I mentioned work, he shifted. And talk about lazy. The only way I could get him to exercise, was to put the TV remote between his toes. 

Wishee enters (SR)

Wishee
Wotcha, gang! (audience respond) What’s the matter mum, you look a bit down?

Twankey
I’ve just been telling everyone how hard up I am these days.

Wishee
Cheer up mum, I know how you can make some money. But it involves a little bet. 

Twankey
What kind of bet? 

Wishee
I’ll ask you some questions, and you have to answer ‘chopsticks’ every time. And I’ll bet you a fiver you can’t do it.

Twankey
So if I say ‘chopsticks’ after every question you ask me, I’ll win a fiver?

Wishee
That's right.  

Twankey
You’re on. (places money on floor) There’s my fiver.

Wishee
(places money on floor) And there’s mine. Now, are you ready?

Twankey
Yes, I'm ready.

Wishee
(picks up money) That's a fiver I’ve won.    

Twankey
What do you mean?

Wishee
You didn't say ‘chopsticks’.

Twankey
But I didn't know we’d started.

Wishee
Sorry mum, but you heard the rules.

Twankey
Can I have another go?

Wishee
Yes, if you like. Put your money down again.

They both put another fiver on the floor.

Wishee
Now you know what you have to say, don’t you?

Twankey
Chopsticks!

Wishee
I’m not going to fool you this time, am I?

Twankey
No, you’re not.

Wishee picks up the money.

Twankey
What are you doing?

Wishee
You didn't say ‘chopsticks’.

Twankey
Oh no, I’ve been diddled again!

Wishee
(to audience) It’s like taking candy from a baby.

Twankey
Let me have one more go.

Wishee
All right then, just one more go. 

They both put their money down again.

Wishee
Are you ready?

Twankey
Chopsticks.

Wishee
I didn't get you that time, did I?

Twankey
Chopsticks.

Wishee
You're getting good at this, aren't you?

Twankey
Chopsticks.

Wishee
Which would you rather have, the money or the chopsticks?

Twankey
Chopsticks!

Wishee
Right then, I’ll have the money. (picks up money and exits SL)

Twankey
(to audience) He’s done it again!  I'll have to get my money back somehow.  (looks SR) Here comes Aladdin, I’ll try it out on him.

Aladdin runs on (SR) and stops (CS)

Aladdin
(to audience) I think I’ve managed to shake them off.

Twankey
Hello, son. How would you like to earn yourself a fiver?

Aladdin
(wary) What do I have to do?

Twankey
Don’t worry, it doesn’t involve work.  I’ll ask you some questions, and you have say ‘chopsticks’ after every question. And I’ll bet you a fiver you can't do it.

Aladdin
That sounds easy. You’re on mum. (places money on floor) There's my fiver. 

Twankey
(places money) And there's mine. (aside to audience) Hee-hee-hee! This is where I win all my money back. (to Aladdin) Now, are you ready?

Aladdin
Chopsticks.

Twankey
You’re on the ball aren’t you?

Aladdin
Chopsticks.

Twankey
What did you have for breakfast?

Aladdin
Chopsticks.

Twankey
What’s your favourite colour?

Aladdin
Chopsticks.

Twankey
(aside to audience) Hee-hee! This is it. (to Aladdin) Which would you rather have, the money or the chopsticks?

Aladdin
The money. (picks up the money and starts to exit)

Twankey
‘Ere, you're not supposed to say that!

Aladdin
Oh yes I am, Wishee taught me that one a long time ago. Bye mum! (exits SR)

Twankey
Come back, you rotten twister! (chases after him)

Kung and Foo enter (SL)

Foo
It’s no use, we’ve searched everywhere and there’s still no sign of Aladdin.  

Kung
Why don’t we ask this lot…(indicates audience)…if they’ve seen him.

They separate and face the audience with their backs slightly turned to each other. Kung faces (SL) and Foo faces (SR)

Foo
(to audience) Have any of you lot seen Aladdin? (audience respond)

Kung    
Which way did he go?

Foo
That way? (points SL)

Kung    
That way? (points SR)

Kung & Foo
Thanks!

Kung turns to run off (SR) and Foo turns to run off (SL) they bump into each other and fall down, then scramble to their feet.

Foo
You’re going the wrong way! 

Kung
No, you're going the wrong way! 

Kung & Foo
Out of my way!

They simultaneously hit each other with their truncheons and stagger around the stage. Finally, Kung staggers off (SL) and Foo staggers off (SR) 


Aladdin Version 2

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