• Dick Whittington Version 2

Synopsis:
Dick Whittington a poor farmboy from Gloucester, heads to London to seek his fortune after hearing that the streets are paved with gold. He is accompanied on his journey by his amazing well-educated, talking cat. On arriving in London, Dick discovers that the streets aren’t paved with gold. However, he meets a beautiful girl called Alice Fitzwarren, who’s father runs a small merchant store. Alice manages to get Dick a job in her father’s store and they eventually fall in love. Meanwhile down in the sewers something stirs, in the shape of King Rat, an evil rat-faced villain who desires to take over London using his army of rats. He also has an eye on Alice and determines to get rid of Dick and his cat. He uses jack, a shop boy who fancies Alice and is jealous of Dick’s arrival on the scene, to frame Dick for the theft of a necklace from Fitzwarren’s safe. Dick and his cat are run out of town and Fitzwarren takes Alice with him on a ship sailing for Morocco. Dick and his cat manage to get onboard the ship, which is then sunk by King Rat and all are washed up on the shores of Morocco. Where the bump into a holidaying Count Dracula. Dick and his friends are taken to the Sutan’s Palace and are sentenced to be executed, but Puss saves the day by ridding Morocco of its rat problem and Dick has a final showdown with King Rat. Thanks to the intervention of Fairy Bowbelles, who has been acting as Dick’s protector from the start, Dick defeats King Rat and returns home in triumph, marries Alice and becomes Mayor of London.

Roles:
10 principals plus several minor cameo and speaking roles and a chorus.

Runtime:
All of our scripts have a runtime of approx 120 minutes, assuming that you use the full number of suggested musical numbers and not including any interval. But this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit.

Music:
All of our pantomimes come with a full, suggested songs and music cues and SFX list.

Style:
Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.















Characters
Alderman Fitzwarren
Alice Fitzwarren
Sarah
Dick Whittington
Idle Jack
Captain Cod
Bosun Chips
Puss
King Rat
Fairy Bowbelles

Chorus /Minor Roles
Sultan of Morocco
Wazir
Count Dracula
Londoners, Sailors, Guards, Beachgoers, Harem Girls, etc.


Prologue


Music cue 1: Bowbelles enters (SR)

Bowbelles
Welcome one and all, to our pantomime, 
From Fairy Bowbelles a sprite with rhyme,
A tale of Dick Whittington and his faithful cat,
And their quest to defeat the evil King Rat.

Dick travels from Gloucester to London Town,
His destiny is to bring, that nasty rat down.
But he’ll need your help to win this fight,
So be sure and cheer him, with all your might. (exits) 

Music cue 2: Lights dim as King Rat enters (SL) and audience boo.

King Rat
Shut it! Do you know who I am? (audience respond) Who am I then? (audience respond) That’s right, I’m King Rat and I’m the big cheese around here. And soon I’ll be even bigger. and I don’t mean fatter. I mean I’ll soon be in charge of this city. Oh yes I will! (audience respond) Shut it! Or I might come down there, and give you all the plague! (cocks an ear) ‘Ello…sounds like somebody’s coming. I’d better hide. (to audience) I’m not scared or anything. It’s just that I prefer sneaking up on people from behind. So you’d better all watch yours! (exits SL laughing)

Dick enters (SR) carrying a pack on his shoulder, closely followed by Puss. 

Puss
Are we nearly there yet?

Dick
No, Puss. We still have a few more miles to go.

Puss
My poor paws are red raw. I wish I hadn’t agreed to come with you in the first place.

Dick
You didn’t, Puss. But wherever I go, you must also go.

Puss
Why must I?

Dick
Because I’m your master, and without a master you’d be just another stray. And you know what they do with strays around here, don’t you?

Puss
(covering his vulnerables) Yes, and just thinking about it makes me shudder. Anyway, I believe that all pets should have freedom of choice. And should be able to ignore their owners if they want to.

Dick
Since when have cats ever taken any notice of their owners?

Puss
Us cats value our independence. Can you really imagine me fetching your smelly slippers in my mouth? 

Dick
No, I can’t imagine you ever doing anything useful like that. Anyway Puss, you know I see you more as a friend than a pet.

Puss
And quite right too.

Dick
And I’m sure you’d rather get yourself a job, instead of having me provide for you.

Puss
What sort of job do you expect me to get?

Dick
The same job as every other cat. Rat catcher! 

Puss
You must admit, I am pretty good at it though.

Dick
Only the best, Puss. And once we reach London you’ll be busier than ever. I’ve heard the place is overrun with rats. Now let’s hurry up and get there.

They exit (SL)

Blackout - cloth/tabs out - lights up.


Scene One

Old London Town


Alderman Fitzwarren’s shop is (USL) Music Cue 3: Song Alice and Londoners. After song ends…Alice moves (CS) and all form around her.

Alice
(to audience) Hello everybody! Welcome to old London town. I’m Alice Fitzwarren, and these…(indicates Chorus)…are all my friends. (Chorus wave and say hello) Well what a wonderful day for you to drop by. The sun is shining and everybody’s happy. 

Chorus 1
Is it true you’re sailing to Morocco tomorrow, Alice?

Alice
Yes. Father’s delivering several hundredweight of jellied eels to the Sultan’s palace. It seems the Sultan developed a taste for them, after visiting the London Olympics. 

Alderman Fitzwarren enters (SL)

Fitzwarren
Good morning Alice.

Alice
Good morning Father. Is everything ready for tomorrow’s voyage?

Fitzwarren
I’m afraid not, Alice. So far, I’ve had no replies to my advert for sailors. And we can’t sail without a crew. Now have you seen Jack this morning? 

Alice
No father.

Chorus 2
He’s probably skiving off somewhere.  

Chorus 3
He’s not called ‘Idle’ Jack for nothing.

Chorus laugh.

Alice
(to Fitzwarren) Are you leaving him in charge of the shop while we’re away, father? 

Fitzwarren
Not after what happened the last time I left him in charge. I told him to reduce eggs by 50% to clear, and what did he do?

Alice
Threw half of them in the bin.

Fitzwarren
Exactly. No, I want him to go and buy some stronger rat poison.  

Alice
Don’t tell me the rats are still managing to get inside the shop?

Fitzwarren
Yes, and I’m at my wits ends trying to figure out how to stop them. 

Alice
Come on father, I’ll help you look for Jack.

Alice and Fitzwarren exit into shop.

Dick Whittington and Puss enter (SL) 

Dick
London at last, Puss! 

Puss
(dismissive) Big deal.

Dick
Aren’t you excited to be here, Puss?

Puss
Not really. Beats me why you wanted to come here anyway. I mean, what do they have in London that we don’t have back in Gloucester?

Dick
Well for a start, the streets here are paved with gold.

Puss
So you keep saying. Personally, I’m not convinced.

Dick
(to Chorus) Excuse me, but where I can find the nearest street paved with gold?

Chorus 4
You’re not from round here are you?

Dick
No, I’m from Gloucester.

Chorus 5
That explains it then.

Dick
Explains what?

Chorus 
Well if you were from round here, you’d know that the streets of London aren’t paved with gold.

Dick
(shocked) They aren’t?

Chorus 1
Of course not, you wally!

Chorus exit laughing.

Dick
(crestfallen) I feel really stupid for having believed all those stories, now. I’ve left my family and friends to come here to make my fortune, and now I’ll have to return home with my tail between my legs. 

Puss
Personally, I’ll be swinging mine. (twirls his tail around)

Dick
Come on Puss, let’s go back to Gloucester.

Puss
With pleasure, master.

They turn to exit (SL) but Bowbelles enters (SR) Music cue 4: and dings her wand to freeze them.

Bowbelles
Dick Whittington we all believe in you,
Not myth or fiction, your tale is true.
Stay here Dick and don’t get down,
And you’ll become Mayor of London town. (waves her wand and exits)

Dick and Puss unfreeze.

Dick
(turns) On second thoughts puss, I think I’ll stay here and look for a job instead. 

Puss
Blimey! That was a quicker U-turn than a Lib-Dem politician! 

Dick
(produces a mobile phone) I’ll just check on my Job Search app. (taps on screen)

Puss
(to audience) This could take a while, and I’m hungry. I’ll see if I can scrounge some food from that shop over there. Well nobody can resist a cute little pussycat, can they?  I’d better not speak, though. Not many people have met a talking cat, and I don’t want to freak the owner out. (goes over and meows outside the shop door)

Alice enters from the shop.

Alice
(to Puss) Hello there. My, what a pretty puss you are. Where’s your master? 

Puss points to Dick. 

Alice
(goes over to Dick) Excuse me, but is this your cat?

Dick and Alice face each other and both are instantly smitten.  

SFX: Bell chimes.

Dick
Yes, it is. Why? Is he bothering you in any way?

Alice
No, but I think he might be hungry.  

Puss
(holding his tummy) ‘Ravenous’ would be a better description.

Alice
(to Dick) You said that without moving your lips.

Dick
Oh that wasn’t me, it was my cat.

Alice
(laughs) A talking cat? Why that’s absurd! Anybody who believes in talking cats, would have to be crazy. 

Dick
(laughs and covers up) Yeah…ha! Talking cats…as if…

Puss
…Excuse me…! (Dick clamps a hand over Puss’s mouth)

Dick
No, that was me doing my ventriloquist act. (acts) Gottle of geer. Gread and gutter. Puss here is just a normal cat…nothing special. And he definitely doesn’t talk. (Puss moves away in a huff) So what’s your name? If you don’t mind me asking.

Alice
It’s ‘Alice’.

Dick
Hi Alice, I’m Dick. And I’ve come here all the way from Gloucester.

Alice
Pleased to meet you Dick. And what brings you to London?

Dick 
I’ve come here to seek my fortune.

Alice
Well I’m glad you haven’t asked which streets in London, are paved with gold. Ever since somebody posted it on Twitter, we’ve had lots of gullible people arriving looking for gold. Can you imagine anybody being stupid enough to believe that ridiculous story? 

Dick 
(bluffing) Ha! They’d have to be pretty thick, wouldn’t they? I’d never believe anything as ridiculous as that. (to Puss) Would I Puss?

Puss
Of course not. (dryly) Why, it’s almost as silly as believing in talking cats.

Alice
You don’t have to keep on throwing your voice, Dick. 

Puss
(tired of the pretence) He didn’t. 

Alice
(to Dick) I could’ve sworn your cat spoke just then.

Puss
(to Alice) Watch my lips, dear. (slowly) I…am…a…talking…cat!

Alice
(startled) My goodness! It’s a talking cat!

Puss
(to audience) I think the penny’s finally dropped.

Dick
(to Alice) Yes, sorry about earlier. But he really can talk. (wryly) In fact he hardly ever stops. I just pretended it was me, because I didn’t want you thinking I was a looney. 

Alice
Well now I’m the one who feels foolish.

Dick
And I really did believe the streets of London were paved in gold, so that makes us even I suppose. But now I’m stuck here with no job, no money and nowhere to live. 

Alice 
I could try and get you a job in my Father’s shop, if you like.

Dick
You’d do that for me?

Alice
Yes, Dick. And if your cat’s any good at catching rats, father will be pleased. Our shop is overrun with rats.

Dick
Puss will sort out your rat problem in no time at all. (to Puss) Won’t you Puss?

Puss
Yes, well I’ll think about it.

Alice
Come with me, Dick.

All exit (SR)

Idle Jack walks on (SL) yawning and scratching his head.

Jack
(to audience) Hiya boys and girls! I’m Jack, and I work for Alderman Fitzwarren…well sometimes. And every morning before starting work, I always have a little snooze in the stockroom. Well wouldn’t you have an extra forty winks if you had the chance? (audience respond) You would? In that case, you’re all just as lazy as me. ‘Ere, will you do something for me? (audience respond) That’s very brave of you, seeing as you don’t know what I’m going to ask you. Anyway, Mr Fitzwarren said if he ever caught me sleeping on the job again, he’d sack me. And I’ve been told that whenever I’m asleep, I sometimes snore really loud. So if you ever hear me snoring, I want you all to shout as loud as you can ‘wake up Jack’! Will you do that? (audience respond) Thanks. That way I’ll wake up and won’t get found out. And every time I come on I’ll shout ‘hiya gang’ to wake up any of you that’s fallen asleep. And judging by this script, that could be quite a few of you.  And you can shout back ‘hiya jack’! Let’s have a practice then. (usual routine until…) That’s brilliant! And guess who else works here. Only the most beautiful girl in London, Alice Fitzwarren. (in a daze) Yesterday I asked her if she’d consider going out with me, and she said ‘yes, when hell freezes over’. So now I’m just waiting for a really cold snap. (yawns) Right then, I’m just off for my pre-work snooze. See you all later! (exits SL)

Music cue 5: Sarah enters (SR) carrying a small basket.

Sarah                  
(to audience) Hello everybody! My name’s Sarah, and I’m Alderman Fitzwarren’s cook. Now every time I come on I’ll shout ‘hello everybody’ and I want all the posh ones amongst you to reply…(posh voice)…‘hello Sarah’ and all the common ones amongst to shout…(common voice)…‘wotcha cock’! Okay? (audience respond) Let’s try it then. (loudly) Hello everybody! (audience respond) You’re a lot more common than I thought. Oh, it’s been one of those mornings you know.  I was in town doing my weekly shop, when this big burly bloke ambushed me in the back ally and said, ‘give me all your money’!  I told him I didn’t have any money on me, and he said ‘I don’t believe you and I’m going to search you all over’. Well I thought ‘I’ve got half an hour to spare’, so I said ‘carry on’. And he did. Oh, and he was thorough. After a while he stopped and said ‘all right, I believe you’. I said ‘keep searching and I’ll write you out a cheque’. (showing her basket) Now I’ve just been shopping for the Alderman’s dinner, but I got a bit carried away and bought lots of sweeties as well. I can’t possibly eat them all myself ‘cos I’m watching my figure, and I was wondering if anybody would like some. (audience responds and she throws sweets out)

Music cue 6: Captain Cod and Bosun Chips enter (SL) 

Captain
Excuse me madam.

Sarah
Yes?

Captain
(indicating himself and Bosun Chips) We’re seafarers, and we were just wondering if you could do us a small favour.

Sarah
Well I have been known to do favours for sailors. Now how can I help you?

Bosun
Do you know the way to Fitzwarren’s Store?

Sarah
Well I ought to, seeing as I work there.

Captain
(indicating himself & Bosun Chips) I’m Captain Cod, and this is Bosun Chips.

Sarah
Cod and Chips, eh? Well how about wrapping this up, and telling me what you want.

Bosun
We’re responding to your ad.

Sarah
(to audience) At last! Someone’s answered my Lonely Hearts ad! (to Captain & Bosun) Well as you can see, I’m even more gorgeous than the ad said. My hobbies are cooking and naturism. Although combining the two, can be a bit hair-raising.

Bosun
No, no! (takes out newspaper ad and shows it to her) He means this ad here! 

Sarah
That’s Mr Fitzwarren’s ad, for sailors.

Captain
That’s right. 

Sarah
Oh, what a disappointment. 

Bosun
Don’t say he’s already got a full crew.

Sarah
No, I was thinking of something else entirely. Now I must warn you, Alderman Fitzwarren will only have trustworthy people aboard his ship. 

Bosun
We’re trustworthy. 

Sarah
So if you were to tell you a secret, you wouldn’t repeat it to anyone?

Captain
Cover me in batter and deep fry me, if I repeat it to a single soul. 

Sarah
Well, most people think I’m no older than twenty-five. But really I’m…(whispers)

Captain
(exclaims) Forty-two! (or whatever age is appropriate)

Sarah
I thought you said you wouldn’t tell a single soul?

Bosun
He didn’t tell a single soul. (indicating audience) He told a crowd of them. 

Sarah
Well as it happens, I was just testing you out. That isn’t my real age at all.

Captain
How old are you then?

Sarah
Old enough to spot an idiot when I see one.

Bosun
(to Sarah) Now about the ad?

Sarah
Forget it. Mr Fitzwarren won’t want blabbermouths like you aboard his ship.

Fitzwarren enters from the shop.

Fitzwarren
There you are, Sarah. Have you seen Jack anywhere?

Sarah
No I haven’t, Mr Fitzwarren.

Captain
(to Fitzwarren) Are you Alderman Fitzwarren?

Fitzwarren
Yes, I am. Can I help you? 

Bosun
(pointing at shop sign) It was right under our noses all the time, Captain!

Sarah
(aside to audience) Remind me never to sail on any ship he captain’s.

Captain             
(to Fitzwarren) I hear you is looking for a ship’s crew.

Fitzwarren
I am indeed.

Captain 
Then look no further. I’m Captain Cod, and this is Bosun Chips. And we’ll happily crew your ship. 

Sarah
He’ll need more than two crew.

Fitzwarren
Well it’s a start. I’m just puzzled as to why we haven’t had more sailors applying.

Bosun
That’s probably due to the name of your ship.

Sarah
I did warn you against hiring a ship called ‘The Leaky Tub’.

Fitzwarren
It’s all they had left. (to Captain) Isn’t there anything that might persuade sailors to join my ship?

Captain
Well maybe if we had a beautiful woman aboard.

Sarah
(preens) It’s funny you should mention that, because I’m ship’s cook for the voyage.

Bosun
I’m not sure I want to go now, Captain. 

Captain
Why not, Bosun?

Bosun
Well we both like our grub, and we don’t know if her cooking’s up to standard.

Fitzwarren
Actually, Sarah is head cook for Fitzwarren’s famous shop café. 

Sarah
Have either of you tried my spotted dick? 

Captain
No, we haven’t had the pleasure.

Sarah
Well I’m sure we can soon rectify that on the voyage. 

Bosun
I don’t want anything ‘rectifying’, thank you!

Captain
(to Fitzwarren) I just need to check your ship over, to make sure we have everything required for a long voyage. 

Bosun
The hard job will be persuading more sailors to join us. (aside to audience indicating Sarah) Especially now she’s aboard.

Fitzwarren
(to Captain) You’ll find ‘The Leaky Tub’ moored down at the docks, Captain. Meanwhile, I’ll see if I can get some more crew from an employment agency.

Captain
Very good Alderman. (to Bosun) Come along Bosun.

Captain and Bosun exit (SL)

Fitzwarren
(to Sarah) I only hope I can persuade enough crew to join our ship.

Sarah
Don’t worry, Alderman. Once word gets out that I’m sailing with you. You’ll have sailors queuing up to climb aboard. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to put this shopping away. (exits inside shop)

Fitzwarren
And I’d better carry on trying to find Jack. (to audience) Cheerio for now, and do come and visit my shop sometime. (exits DSR)

Blackout - cloth/tabs in - lights up.


Scene Two

An Alleyway Behind Fitzwarren’s Shop


Jack enters (USL)

Jack
Hiya gang! (audience respond) I’ve just been in the stockroom, and I couldn’t find anywhere to lie down for a snooze. That’s because the place is packed to the rafters, with Christmas stock. (or stock ready for the January sales if after Christmas) So I’m going to have to find somewhere inside the shop, to have a kip.

Fitzwarren enters (USR) and spots Jack.

Fitzwarren
There you are at last, Jack! I’ve looked everywhere for you.

Jack
You can’t have.

Fitzwarren
Why not?

Jack
‘Cos you didn’t look where I was.

Fitzwarren
Well now that I’ve found you, I want you to get inside and start doing some work

Jack
Sorry, I’m on my lunch break. 

Fitzwarren
Lunch break?

Jack
The law entitles all workers to a lunch break, Mr Fitzwarren.

Fitzwarren
That law doesn’t apply to you.

Jack
Why not?

Fitzwarren
(snaps) Because you never do any flaming work! 

Sarah enters (USL) carrying a silver tray with a dome covering it. Underneath the dome is a rat attached offstage by fishing-line.

Jack
‘Eh-up! I didn’t know we’d started doing takeaways.

Sarah
We haven’t. I’ve come outside to have my lunch, well away from any rats.

Fitzwarren
What have you got under there, Sarah?

Sarah 
I’ll show you. (opens the lid and a prop rat is pulled off) Aaaah! 

Jack
(to Sarah) I didn’t know you’d started eating rats, now.

Sarah
The dirty rat! And I was really looking forward to some nice cheese and crackers. (to Jack) I thought you were supposed to be putting poison down for the rats, Jack.

Jack
I did.

Sarah
So what happened?

Jack
They ate the lot, and left a note asking for seconds. 

Sarah
We obviously need to use stronger poison.

Fitzwarren
I’ve been trying to find Jack all morning, to tell him to fetch some.

Jack
(to Fitzwarren) Or we could just leave them some of Sarah’s bread pudding instead. One taste of that, and they won’t be back for seconds.

Sarah
Cheek!

Fitzwarren
(takes the tray and hands it to Jack) Get inside, and sort out those pesky rats!

Jack
My work description doesn’t mention anything about rat catching.

Fitzwarren
It doesn’t mention anything about sleeping on the job either, but you seem to manage that all right. Now do as you’re told.

Jack
Fine! But if one bites me I could be off work for weeks.

Sarah
I don’t think anybody will notice.

Jack
Oh, hardy-har! (exits USL)

Dick, Alice and Puss enter (DSR)

Alice
(to Fitzwarren) There you are, Father. I’d like you to meet Dick. He’s looking for work, and I said you might give him a job.

Fitzwarren
(to Dick) Well young man. I trust you’re from good stock?

Dick 
Yes, sir. My parents are both hardworking people.

Fitzwarren
And what they do for a living?

Dick
Mum's an onion farmer and dad’s a greengrocer

Sarah
So you’re from vegetable stock.

Fitzwarren
(to Dick) I see you have a cat with you, Dick.

Dick 
Yes, sir. Puss here, is the best rat catcher in the business.

Sarah
Well we could certainly do with a good rat catcher. 

Fitzwarren 
How does a permanent job with career prospects, plus four weeks paid holiday per year? And a final salary pension scheme sound, Dick?

Dick
(delighted) It sounds fantastic!

Fitzwarren
It does, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, I can’t even afford to pay minimum wage. But you’ll have a roof over your head and plenty to eat.

Alice
And we’ll be working together, Dick.

Dick
(to Fitzwarren) I’ll take it!

Sarah
(aside to audience, glancing at Alice) He’s obviously expecting fringe benefits.

Fitzwarren
(to Dick) Excellent! Come with me and I’ll introduce you to Jack. 

Dick
Yes, sir. (to Alice) See you later Alice. 

Fitzwarren and Dick exit (USL)

Sarah
(patting Puss) So you’re a top rat catcher, Puss?

Puss
That’s right.

Sarah
(jumps back in alarm) Aaaah! A talking pussy! (to Puss) But how can a cat speak?

Puss
I use my mouth. What orifice do you use?

Sarah
(aside to audience) Not only a talking cat. But a sarcastic one at that. 

Alice
(to Sarah) It startled me at first, but you soon get used to it. (to Puss) Come inside Puss, and I’ll get you a nice bowl of milk.

Sarah
I suppose a cappuccino and a croissant is out of the question?

Alice
I think we can manage that.

Alice and Puss exit (USL)

Sarah
Well I never! A talking cat. It’s like a scene from a panto. Actually, a cappuccino and a croissant sounds lovely. See you later, boys and girls! (exits USL)

Music cue 7:  Lights dim as King Rat enters (DSL)

King Rat
So some idiot called ‘Dick Whittington’ has arrived in town, eh. What’s he about then? I do like that Alice though. She’s a bit tasty ain’t she? Too good for that Dick bloke, that’s for sure. Anyway I’ve taken a sudden dislike to him, so I’m gonna get rid of him and his rotten cat. And I have plenty of subjects who will do my bidding. Have you met them yet? (audience respond) Well there’s no time like the present. (calling) Enter my subjects!

Rats enter (DSL)

King Rat
Beautiful creatures, aren’t they? (audience respond) Oh yes they are! (to Rats) Come my pretties, it’s time to start putting my plan into action. (exits laughing)

Rats follow him hissing at audience as they exit.

Music cue 8: Bowbelles enters (DSR)

Bowbelles
King Rat is issuing nasty threats,
But if I were him, I wouldn’t lay bets.
For boys and girl I can promise you,
I’ll stop King Rat, if it’s the last thing I do. (exits)


Dick Whittington Version 2

  • Product Code: dickwhittingtonV2PS
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