• Dick Whittington Version 1

Synopsis:
King Rat plans to use his hoards of rats in order to bring London to its knees and take it over. But he reckons without our brave hero Dick Whittington, who arrives in London penniless with his trusty cat Tommy by his side. Dick finds work at alderman Fitzwarren’s shop, which is in imminent danger of going bust. And Fitzwarren entrusts Dick with guarding his safe containing the money to pay for his trip to Morocco. But King Rat steals the money and frames Dick, much to the dismay of the Alderman’s beautiful daughter Alice who has fallen in love with our hero. Dick is forced to leave London and the action moves onboard The Golden Duck, bound for Morocco and captained by the totally inept Captain Bilgewater. But he’s discovered onboard and the ship is eventually wrecked in a storm brought about by King Rat, who has sneaked aboard with his ratlings. But Fairy Bowbelle ensures that everyone lands safely on the shores of Morocco, where King Rat is eventually defeated thanks to Tommy. Other characters include Shovel and Spade, two scheming council workmen who can double up as Mustapha and Leak in act two. Plus Sarah the Cook, who is the traditional Dame character and Lazy Jack who is the comic feed.

Roles:
14 principals (Shovel & Spade double up as Mustapha and Leak in second act) plus several minor speaking roles and a chorus.

Runtime:
All of our scripts have a runtime of approx 120 minutes, assuming that you use the full number of suggested musical numbers and not including any interval. But this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit.

Music:
All of our pantomimes come with a full, suggested songs and music cues and SFX list.

Style:
Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

Characters
Alderman Fitzwarren
Alice Fitzwarren
Sarah
Dick Whittington
Idle Jack
Captain Bilgewater
Scupper
Shovel
Spade
Fairy Bowbelle
King Rat
Sultan
Florabunda
Mustapha
Leak
Tommy The Cat

Chorus /Minor Roles
Londoners
Tourists
Harem Girls
Stan The Man
Cabin Boy
   

Scene One

Cheapside London


Music cue 3: Chorus/Londoners: After song ends…Chorus move upstage. 

Fitzwarren and Alice enter (SR)

Alice 
What a wonderful morning, father.

Fitzwarren
How can you say that Alice, when the whole of London is gripped by a plague of rats?

A Rat runs on (SR) and chases the screaming Chorus off (SL)

Fitzwarren
You see? That’s exactly what I’m talking about. They’re making everybody’s life miserable.

Alice
I know father, but we mustn’t let it get us down. Otherwise King Rat will have won.

Fitzwarren
At least we’ll get a break from them, when we sail for Morocco tomorrow?

Alice
Do you have to set sail for Morocco tomorrow, father?

Fitzwarren
Yes, Alice. Our shop is losing money hand over fist, because the rats keep breaking into our store and eating us out of house and home. I have invested everything I own in this trip. The Sultan of Morocco has placed an order with us, for five hundred barrels of our finest treacle.

Alice
Will it make you enough to retire on?

Fitzwarren
No, but it’ll see us through a sticky patch. Now let’s go and find Sarah, and see what’s for breakfast. (exits SR with Alice)

Sarah enters (SL) singing.

Sarah
#Oh what a beautiful morning# (spots audience) Oh hello! What a lot of onlookers we have today. There must be something exciting about to happen. And it sure as heck isn’t this show. It must be the Lord Mayor’s parade. Either that or Lady Godiva’s protesting against the council tax again. Oh she is a brazen hussy. I don’t know how she gets away with it. Mind you, she always manages to get a rebate. When I tried it, everybody just laughed at my ass. Maybe I should have ridden on a horse instead. 

Fitzwarren and Alice enter (SR)

Fitzwarren
There you are Sarah. What time are we having breakfast?

Sarah
I don’t know what time you’re having yours, but I’ve already had mine.

Fitzwarren
I didn’t see you having breakfast.

Sarah
That’s because I went to McDonalds.

Fitzwarren
Well now that you’re back, you can make mine breakfast.

Sarah
No can do I’m afraid, the pantry’s empty. 

Alice
But I went shopping at Asda only yesterday.

Sarah
Yes, and the rats went shopping last night.

Fitzwarren
Oh, not again! And I’m starving!

Sarah
I’ve managed to salvage a few bits and pieces, so I could try and scrape something together for you. What would you like?

Fitzwarren
I’ll have two rashers of bacon burnt to a crisp. An egg boiled so hard you’d need a hacksaw to get the top off. A slice of blackened toast, and a cup of tea that tastes like sludge.

Sarah
I can’t make you a breakfast like that!

Fitzwarren
Well you managed it yesterday.

A Rat runs back across stage. 

Sarah
When are you going to do something about all these rats? 

Fitzwarren
I’ve tried everything from traps to poison. The traps didn’t work and we’ve run out of poison.

Sarah
Have you tried Boots?

Fitzwarren
I want to poison them, not kick ‘em to death.

Jack enters (SL) carrying a small bag containing a pair of swimming trunks.

Idle Jack
Eh-up, it’s like a line-up for a spaghetti western.

Alice
What do you mean?

Idle Jack
(points to Alice, then Fitzwarren then Sarah) The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Fitzwarren
Where have you been?

Idle Jack
I’ve just been having a lie down. I’m knackered after all that packing I’ve had to do, ready for your trip to Morocco.

Fitzwarren
Did you manage to stay awake long enough to pack my trunks?

Idle Jack
Yes. (hands bag to Fitzwarren) Here they are. 

Fitzwarren
(takes out swimming trunks) Swimming trunks? I meant my ‘sea trunks’ you idiot!

Idle Jack
You can use them in the sea!

Sarah
(to Jack) It beats me why Alderman Fitzwarren ever employed you?

Fitzwarren
You said you needed a short order cook.

Sarah
Yes, and look what I got. Someone with a short order brain.

Fitzwarren
If you want a job doing properly, do it yourself. (exits SR)

Alice
How come you’re so good at being lazy, Jack?

Idle Jack
You know what they say, ‘practice makes perfect’.

Sarah
Well you’ve certainly perfected being lazy.

Idle Jack
I don’t know why everybody’s got it in for me. I work hard I do.

Sarah
Name one job you had before we employed you? 

Idle Jack
I used to be a lumberjack in the Sahara. 

Sarah
But there aren’t any trees in the Sahara!

Idle Jack
Well not anymore there aren’t! And before that I was a painter and decorator. But I got sacked when my boss caught me painting a kitchen, wearing two Macintoshes.

Alice
Why were you wearing two Macintoshes?

Idle Jack
‘Cos it said on the tin. ‘For best results, use two coats’. I got my own back on him though. When he fell asleep at lunchtime, I shaved off his eyebrows.

Alice
I’ll bet he was surprised when he woke up.

Idle Jack
Yes, but you couldn’t tell. (to audience) Think about it.

Sarah
All right then, name one job you’ve done this week.

Idle Jack
I put the holes in all those doughnuts you baked yesterday.

Sarah
It’s what you used to put the holes in that worries me. It’s not hygienic!

Idle Jack
I cleaned it first.

Sarah
Well you still shouldn’t have used a toilet-brush handle. Honestly Jack, you’re such a durr brain.

Idle Jack
I don’t have to work here and listen to this.

Sarah
No, you could work somewhere else and listen to worse. Now come and help me make some more dough…dough…

Idle Jack
…Nuts?

Sarah
Yes, but you’ll have to do ‘til I find someone else. Now move it. (shoves him off SR)

Alice
(walks downstage) London used to be such a lovely place before the plague of rats. Father’s shop was prosperous, the streets were clean and everybody was happy. I only wish things could be back the way they were, before that horrible King Rat turned up. Music cue 4: Alice. After song ends…

Jack re-enters.

Alice
That was quick. Are the doughnuts done already?

Idle Jack
Almost. They just need the holes putting in. 

SFX: Loud explosion. 

Sarah & Fitz
(screams off) Arrgh!

Idle Jack
I think they’re in now.

Sarah
(shouts off) Jack!

Alice
Sarah doesn’t sound very happy. 

Idle Jack
I wouldn’t be happy if I had a face like hers. She looks like a bulldog that’s been licking nettles, covered in vinegar.

Sarah enters (SR) pulling bits of dough and ceiling plaster from her hair. 

Sarah
(to Jack) What did you put in that doughnut mix, Jack?

Idle Jack
Gunpowder.

Alice
(exclaims) Gunpowder!

Sarah
(to Jack) Why on earth did you put gunpowder in the doughnut mix?

Idle Jack
I thought it might blow holes in them while they were cooking, and save me a job. 

Sarah
It blew holes all right. (furious) In the flaming kitchen wall!

Alice 
Is father all right?

Sarah
The last time I saw him, he was clinging to the ceiling-light. 

Fitzwarren
Arrgh!

SFX: Crashing sound.

Sarah
Well he was.

Alice
(exclaims) Father! (exits SR)

Sarah
(to Jack) That’s the last time I let you near my kitchen…what’s left of it.

Idle Jack
There’s just no pleasing you, is there?

Sarah
(sweetly) There is something you can do to please me, Jack.

Idle Jack
And what’s that?

Sarah
(fiercely) Stand still while I throttle you! (reaches for his neck)

Idle Jack
Ohwerr!

Jack runs off (SR) with Sarah in hot pursuit.

Sarah
Come back here, you lazy good-for-nothing!

Dick enters (SL) carrying a pack over his shoulder and stops centre stage. 

Dick
London at last. I’ve walked all the way from Gloucester to seek my fortune, in the city where the streets are paved with gold. I haven’t seen any yet, but I’m sure it won’t be long. Oh, but what a journey it’s been. I’ve walked for days without food or company. I didn’t mind going without food, but it’s a lonely life on the road without some friendly company. Still, it’ll all be worth it when I find the gold and return home rich as a king. 

Tommy is chased on (SL) by a group of Children. 

Children
(variously) Clear off moggy! Smelly old cat! Dirty old fleabag! 

Tommy
(cowers centre stage) Meow! 

Dick
(to Children) Leave that poor cat alone! Go on, clear off the lot of you!

Children exit (SL)

Dick
What a mean bunch. (goes to help Tommy)

Tommy backs away.

Dick
It’s all right, I’m not going to hurt you. (strokes Tommy)

Tommy snuggles against Dick’s leg.

Dick
What’s your name fella? 

Tommy
Meow!

Dick
Silly me, you can’t speak can you? I shall call you ‘Tommy’. Are you hungry, Tommy?

Tommy
(holds his tummy and nods) Meow!

Dick
Me too. If only I had the money to buy us something to eat. I don’t suppose you know which streets are paved with gold, do you?

Tommy
(stands and shakes his head) Meow!

Dick
I thought not. But as soon as I find them, I’ll take us both to a posh restaurant for a slap up meal.

Shovel and Spade enter (SL) carrying a workman’s hole-guard and a spade.

Spade
This looks like a good place.

Spade puts the hole-guard down and Shovel starts to dig.

Dick
Excuse me, but what are you digging for?

Spade
Gold of course.

Dick
So it’s true, the streets of London really are paved with gold?

Shovel
They certainly are.

Dick
If only I had a spade to start digging right away.

Spade
You can borrow ours if you like. 

Dick
That’s very kind of you. Oh, but won’t you need it?

Spade
Nah. We’ve dug five holes already today, so we’re rich enough as it is.

Shovel
Here you are then. (hands the spade to Dick)

Spade
You’ll also need this. (hands a paper/plan to Dick)

Dick
What is it?

Spade
It’s a hole plan.

Dick
Why do I need a hole plan?

Shovel
Well half a plan’s no good, is it?

Dick
I suppose not.

Spade
Now the council have specified, that all gold-digging holes must be of standard size. 

Shovel
It’s called ‘the gold standard’. 

Spade
So make sure you follow the measurements on that plan, and we’ll pop back later to see how you’re getting on.

Dick
Ok. (to Tommy) Let’s get digging, Tommy. (starts digging behind the hole-guard)

Tommy helps by digging with his paws.

Shovel and Spade start to exit (SL) stopping briefly near the wing to whisper.

Spade
(to Shovel) That was a great idea of yours, to spread rumours about the streets of London being paved with gold. 

Shovel
Yeah. The yokels have been flooding in ever since, and we haven’t had to dig a hole in months.

Shovel and Spade exit (SL) sniggering. 

Dick
(stops digging) Phew! This digging certainly is hard work Tommy. (lifts the spade and pushes down to continue digging)

SFX: Sound of pneumatic drill.

Dick picks up the spade and looks at it puzzled.

Jack enters (SR)

Idle Jack
(to Dick) What are you doing?

Dick
I’m digging for gold.

Idle Jack
(exclaims) You’re what?

Dick
There’s lots of gold under here, and me and Tommy are digging for it.

Tommy nods.

Idle Jack
Well I’ve lived here all my life, and I’ve never seen any gold.

Dick
If you lend me a hand with digging, I’ll share it with you.

Idle Jack
No thanks, it looks too much like hard work to me.

Dick
Wouldn’t you like to get rich?

Idle Jack
Only if I can do it lying down. (stretches-yawns) Just watching you, is tiring me out.

Dick
Fine. I’ll just carry on then. (pushes the spade down again to continue digging)

SFX: Sound of pneumatic drill.

Dick picks up the spade again, and both he and Jack look at it puzzled. 

Sarah, Alice and Fitzwarren enter (SR)

Fitzwarren
What’s all that noise?

Sarah
(spots Dick) I don’t believe it! They’re digging up the road again! (to Dick) What is it this time? Gas? Electric? Broadband? Or just for the heck of it?

Dick
Neither. I’m digging for gold. 

Sarah
(to audience) Not only are they letting them out. But now they’re giving them shovels.

Alice
(to Dick) What’s your name?

Dick
Dick.

Sarah
(dryly) It suits you.

Fitzwarren 
(to Jack) And why are you standing there, watching him making a fool of himself?

Idle Jack
Well I was going to have a lie down and watch a bit of daytime telly. But this is much more entertaining.

Sarah
Having teeth pulled without anaesthetic, is more entertaining than daytime telly.

Alice
(to Dick) If the streets of London really were paved with gold. Don’t you think we’d be digging for it?

Dick
Maybe you’re rich enough.

Alice
Do I look rich?

Dick
Well…no. But you do look very pretty.

Alice
(flattered) Why, thank you. But there really isn’t any gold here, Dick.

Dick
You mean the streets of London, aren’t paved with gold? 

Sarah
Listen…Dick! The only thing the streets round here are paved with, is doggy-doo.

Tommy checks underneath his paws. 

Dick
But I’ve walked all the way from Gloucester, to seek my fortune here.

Idle Jack 
Then you’ve walked a long way for nothing.

Fitzwarren
Who told you there was gold here anyway?

Dick
Two council workers.

Alice
Well I’m afraid they were fibbing.

Sarah
(sarcastically to audience) Fancy that. Council workers - fibbing.

Dick
(embarrassed) What a fool I’ve been.

Alice
You must be very disappointed?

Dick
Yes, but at least I’ve had the consolation of meeting you.

Fitzwarren
You’d better fill that hole in again. I don’t want my customers falling into it. I have few enough as it is.

Dick
Yes, sir. (starts filling the hole in again)

Shovel and Spade enter (SL)

Dick
(pointing at them) They’re the ones who told me about the gold!

Alice
(to Shovel & Spade) Fancy tricking poor Dick like that. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Dick
(to Shovel & Spade) The streets of London aren’t paved with gold.

Shov & Spa
(mock horror) No!

Spade 
Never mind, at least you’ve dug the hole for us.

Shovel
(looks over the hole-guard) He’s filled it in again!

Spade
(to Dick) What did you go and do that for?

Fitzwarren
I told him too.

Shovel
Why don’t mind your own business, Alderman?

Fitzwarren
(wryly) If things carry on like they are. I might not have a business left to mind. 

Sarah
(to Shovel & Spade) Go and dig your dirty great holes somewhere else.

Spade
(to Shovel) Come on, let’s go and find some other gullible idiot.

Shovel and Spade take the hole guard and the spade from Dick and exit (SL)

Dick
I suppose I’d better make my way back to Gloucester now.

Alice
(has fallen for him) Do you have to, Dick?

Dick
Well there isn’t any gold here. And me and Tommy have nowhere to stay, and nothing to eat.

A toy rat is pulled across stage. Music cue 5: Tommy pounces on it ‘killing’ it.

Idle Jack
Did you see that?

Fitzwarren
What a marvellous rat-catcher!

Dick
Well, Tommy’s got his supper. Now that only leaves me.

Alice
You’re not going to eat rats too, are you?

Dick
I might have to if I don’t find work soon.

Fitzwarren
I have a proposition for you, young man.

Dick
Yes, sir?

Fitzwarren
My shop is overrun with rats. But with your cat on the premises, they wouldn’t dare enter my store.

Dick
Oh no, I couldn’t let you have Tommy. He’s my dearest companion now.

Tommy snuggles against Dick.

Fitzwarren
Then I will employ you and your cat. I can’t afford to pay any wages mind, but there’ll be a roof over your head and food on the table. Now what do you say?

Alice
Oh please say yes, Dick.

Dick
Very well. (to Fitzwarren) I accept your kind offer sir.

Fitzwarren
Excellent! 

Dick
I’m sure I’ll enjoy working here with Alice…I mean, I’m sure working here will be nice. 

Fitzwarren
(taking Dick Downstage) You look like a man I can trust Dick.

Dick
Why thank you, sir.

Fitzwarren
I want you to guard my safe tonight. All the gold to pay for my trip to Morocco is in there. But with you to guard it, I shall sleep soundly in my bed

Dick
You can rely on me sir.

Fitzwarren
Good man. Now come inside and Sarah will fix you up a hot meal. 

Idle Jack
Whether it’s edible or not is another matter.

Sarah
Ignore him Dick. I’ve had numerous awards for my cooking.

Fitzwarren
I’ve never seen any.

Sarah
Well I don’t like to brag, but my ring doughnuts have received commendations from Michelin.

Idle Jack
(to audience) Michelin tyres.

Sarah
And I’m known throughout London for my roly-poly.

Idle Jack
We’re not interested in your private life.

Sarah
I come from a long line of famous cooks. 

Idle Jack
(to audience) They go all the way back to Lucrecia Borgia.

Sarah
At least my family worked for a living. 

Idle Jack
So did mine! 

Sarah
I find that hard to believe.

Idle Jack
My parents were in the iron and steel business. 

Dick
Really?

Idle Jack
Yes. Mum did the ironing and dad did the stealing.

Sarah
That doesn’t surprise me.

Alice
Are they still in the iron and steel business?

Idle Jack
No. Mum got done for money laundering. And dad got sent down, for pinching an out-of-date calendar from the newsagents.

Dick
What did he get?

Idle Jack
Twelve months…backdated.

Sarah
I’m not wasting time listening to this drivel. (to Dick) Come along Dick, and I’ll fix you up that hot meal.

Dick
What is it?

Sarah
Ratatouille!

All exit (SL)

Blackout - cloth/tabs in - lights up.


Scene Two

In The Sewers


Music cue 6: King Rat enters (SL) 

King Rat
So that gullible youth is Dick Whittington, eh. This will be easier than I thought. Old droopy drawers must be losing her touch. Destroying him will be a piece of cake. (to audience) I bet you’re all on the side of that stupid Fairy, aren’t you? Well you’re wasting your time there, nobody gets the better of King Rat…oh no, they can’t! (work audience) Ah, shut up! I’ll get the better of Fairy Bowbelle, just you wait and see.

Music cue 7: Bowbelle enters (SR) 

Bowbelle
Think again you dirty rat-face,
I will win this particular race.
You’ll not harm Dick try as you may,
And I will see that he wins the day.

King Rat
You stupid Fairy with your stupid rhymes,
You can’t stop me from committing my crimes.
I’m better and prettier than you, yes I am,
And your acting’s worse than a useless ham.
With a face like yours I’d stay indoors,
Even my rhymes are better than yours. Ha-ha-ha! (exits SL)

Bowbelle
Oooh! He makes me sick and gives me hot flushes,
Which isn’t surprising, as he never washes.
He’s slimy and slippery like a jellied eel,
I’ll need your help to bring him to heel.
So whenever he appears, boo with all your might,
Whilst I help Dick Whittington, win the fight. Music cue 8: Bowbelle.  After song 
ends…(exits SR)

Blackout - cloth/tabs out - lights up.


Scene Three

Inside Fitzwarren’s Shop


Music cue 9: Chorus. After song ends…All exit.

Jack enters (SR)

Idle Jack
(to audience) Sarah won’t let me near the kitchen, so I’ve been left in charge of the shop. I just hope it isn’t hard work serving customers. (moves behind the counter)

Children enter.

Idle Jack
(to Children) Hiya kids, what can I get you?

Child 1
I’d like some jelly mummies and daddies, please.

Idle Jack
There’s no such things as jelly mummies and daddies.

Child 1
Oh yes, there is!

Idle Jack
Oh no, there isn’t!

Child 1
Then where do you think Jelly Babies come from?

Idle Jack
How should I know? Why don’t you ask Mrs Bassett? 

Children snigger.

Child 2
I’d like a gob-stopper please.

Idle Jack
Certainly. (takes a gob-stopper from a jar on the counter and hands it over) Here you are.

Child 2
Thanks.

Idle Jack
(to Child 3) Do you want a gob-stopper as well?

Child 3
No, I want hundreds and thousands.

Idle Jack
But I only have six left.

Children snigger.

Child 4
Have you got midget gems?

Idle Jack
Who’s been talking?

Children
Everybody!

Children laugh.

Idle Jack
Clear off you cheeky monkeys! (chases them off and returns behind the counter)

Customer 1 enters through door (SR) carrying a small window, and crosses to opposite side of stage.

Idle Jack
Can I help you Madam?

Customer 1
(about turns) No thanks, I’m just window-shopping. (exits)

Idle Jack
(calls after her) Pain! 

Customer 2 enters and goes up to the counter.

Customer 2
I’d like a metre of shot silk please.

Jack
(hands her a piece of material) There you are, madam.

Customer 2
(examining it) This isn’t shot silk!

Jack takes a gun from under the counter and shoots the piece of cloth.

Idle Jack
It is now.

Customer 2
(opens the cloth revealing a large hole) That’s no good, it’s got a big hole in it!

Idle Jack
In that case I’ll let you have it ‘hole’ sale.

Customer 2
Have you got any blue material?

Idle Jack
Yes, but this is a family show.

Customer 2
(outraged) Well, really! (throws cloth at Jack and exits)

Customer 3 enters holding a custard pie.

Customer 3
This pie I bought earlier is off.

Ignoring her, Jack picks his nose and wipes it on his sleeve.

Customer 3
Euggh! Don’t you have any manners?

Idle Jack
No, but I can always order you some.

Customer 3
How dare you! (‘pies’ Jack and exits)

Customer 4 enters also holding a custard pie.

Customer 4
This pie I bought yesterday had a maggot in it. I just can’t find the words to express my disgust.

Idle Jack
(holds up a book) Would you like to buy a dictionary?

Customer 4
Cheek! (‘pies’ Jack and exits)

Idle Jack
(to audience) Running a shop is boring. I think I’ll sit in the garden and watch the grass grow instead. (exits USL)

Sarah, Fitzwarren and Alice enter (DSL)

Fitzwarren
Where’s Jack? He’s supposed to be looking after the shop.

Sarah
It’s him that needs looking after. Preferably by somebody in a white coat. 

Captain Bilgewater and Scupper enter the shop.

Bilgewater
Ahoy shipmates! Hoist me topsail, splice me mizzen and tie me kangaroo down sport!

Fitzwarren
Ah, Captain Bilgewater!

Sarah
Don’t tell me he’s your Captain?

Alice
You two have met before?

Sarah
I’ll say. I was cook aboard one of his many ships that sank. Just as we were going down for the third time, he rushed down from the bridge shouting ‘women and children first’. Which I didn’t think was very fair.

Scupper
Why not?

Sarah
He was wearing a dress at the time. 

Alice
(to Fitzwarren) Do you think it’s safe to sail with him, father?

Fitzwarren
Don’t worry, Alice. Captain Bilgewater’s an experienced old sea dog.

Sarah
Well he’s certainly barking. I spent ages polishing his anchor, then he went and chucked it over the side. The only thing he’s experienced at, is swimming back to shore. His ships sink faster than…(football team)…after Christmas. He spends more time underwater than a submarine Captain.

Bilgewater
I’ll admit I’ve had a run of bad luck recently.

Sarah
Bad luck!? You’re the only Captain ever to have a ship sink in dry dock!

Bilgewater
(to Scupper) One time, Scupper! One time! And they never let you forget. 

Scupper
(sighs) No, Cap’n.

Sarah
(to Captain) I don’t think a ship of yours, has ever made it back to shore.

Bilgewater
What about the Saucy Sal?

Sarah
Rowing boats in the park don’t count. 

Bilgewater
Well ‘The Golden Duck’ is virtually unsinkable.

Fitzwarren
I thought your ship was called ‘The Golden Cow’?

Scupper
We changed the name for safety reasons.

Alice
What safety reasons?

Bilgewater
Well who ever heard of a duck sinking?

Sarah
You don’t think changing the name’s going to make any difference, do you?

Scupper
(dryly) Every little helps.

Fitzwarren
How much will it cost to take us to Morocco and back, Captain?

Scupper indicates loads of money to Bilgewater.

Bilgewater
Two hundred pounds.

Fitzwarren
(shocked) Two hundred pounds! I could buy myself a ship for that!

Bilgewater
You could buy my ship for fifty pounds.

Fitzwarren
In that case, I’ll buy your ship.

Scupper
(slaps his forehead) Doh!

Bilgewater
Ah, but then you’ll need a crew to sail it.

Fitzwarren
And how much will that cost?

Scupper again indicates loads of money to Bilgewater.

Bilgewater
Another fifty pounds.

Fitzwarren
Done!

Scupper
(wryly) I think he just has been.

Sarah
(to Bilgewater) You certainly know how drive a hard bargain, Captain.

Bilgewater
You have to in this game, otherwise people take you for a fool.

Sarah
I’d never take you for a fool, Captain. A flaming idiot, maybe.

Fitzwarren
Meet me tomorrow morning at London docks, Captain.

Bilgewater
Very good Alderman. (to Scupper) Come along Scupper.

Bilgewater and scupper exit.

Fitzwarren
(to Sarah) Now let’s all go and finish packing for our trip.


Dick Whittington Version 1

  • Product Code: dickwhittingtonV1PS
  • Availability: In Stock
  • £3.00


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