• Aladdin A Genie-us Panto

Synopsis:
The traditional story of the poor laundry boy, who gets ideas far above his station. Aladdin is determined to catch sight of the Princess Jasmine even at the risk of his life. He eventually manages this and they immediately fall in love. This almost costs Aladdin his head, but just as the Emperor's executioner is about to cut his life short he is rescued by his 'Uncle' Abanazer. He in return, asks Aladdin to retrieve a lamp from inside a mountain cave. But an argument ensues and Abanazer seals Aladdin in the cave and leaves him there to die. But helped first by the Spirit of the Ring and then a Genie, he eventually escapes and goes on to defeat Abanazer, win the hand of the Princess Jasmine and make his family wealthy. A wonderfully funny panto, with some great routines, jokes and one-liners. Also includes a traditional ‘it's behind you' routine involving an Abominable Snow Woman, plus a terrific laundry scene and much more.

Roles:
12 principals plus several minor speaking roles an Abominable Snow Woman and a chorus.

Runtime:
All of our scripts have a runtime of approx 120 minutes, assuming that you use the full number of suggested musical numbers and not including any interval. But this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit.

Music:
All of our pantomimes come with a full, suggested songs and music cues and SFX list.

Style:
Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.







Characters
Aladdin
Princess Jasmine
Widow Twankey
Wishee Washee
Abanazer
Emperor
Empress
Suki
Chop
Suey
Genie of the lamp
Spirit of the ring

Chorus/Minor roles
Sandra (an Abominable Snow-woman)
Air Hostess
Guards
Dancers
Laundry workers
Palace retinue, etc


Prologue


Music cue 1: Abanazer enters (SL) and moves (CS) laughing wickedly.

Abanazer
(to audience) Feeling scared? You should be. For I am Abanazer, the world’s greatest magician! Actually, I’m the world’s only magician. That’s because I made all the others disappear. (runs finger across throat) Permanently! Now cower in fear, as I demonstrate my powers and conjure up a fearsome dragon. (casts a spell SL) 

SFX: Pyrotechnic flash (SL) and a cuddly toy dragon is thrown onstage.

Abanazer
Okay, that one needs a bit more practice. But look! (pulls flowers from his sleeve in dramatic fashion) See? Didn’t I tell you I was a great magician? But good as I am, my magic powers aren't enough to enable me to take over the world. But never fear, for I have a cunning plan. See this ring? (rubs large ring on his hand - nothing happens) Ah, no. That’s the one I got from Poundland. It must be this ring. (shows off a large ring on his other hand) All I have to do is give it a hard rub, and something magical will happen. (to woman in audience) Don’t make your own jokes up madam, please. (rubs the other ring) 

Music cue 2: Spirit of the Ring appears (SR) 

Spirit
The Spirit of the ring is here at hand,
And my magic powers, are yours to command 

Abanazer 
I have waited long for your arrival.

Spirit 
Sorry, there was a queue at the Post Office Squire,
Now tell, me what is your desire?

Abanazer
I desire to know the whereabouts of the Magic Lamp of Balthazar.

Spirit
The lamp lies hidden from the eyes of man,
Within a cave, in the mountains of Yanshan.

Abanazer
And how do I find it?

Spirit
You can’t miss it, even if you try,
It’s four miles wide and half a mile high.

Abanazer
Not the mountain you fool! The lamp!

Spirit
It overlooks the ancient city of Peking,
Ruled by the Chinese Emperor, Ming

Abanazer 
Then take me there now, so that I may obtain the lamp. 

Spirit
Only one who is true and brave,
Can fetch the lamp from within the cave.

Abanazer 
That lets me out then. Find me someone who can act as my proxy.

Spirit
Only one person fits the description to a tee, 
His name is ‘Aladdin’ the son of Widow Twankey.

Abanazer
And where does this boy live?

Spirit
In a Peking launderette with his younger brother,
Along with their poor old widowed mother.

Abanazer
Then take me there at once. 

Spirit 
As your slave, I must do as you say,
And take you to Peking, right away. (casts a spell) Music cue 3: 

Blackout - cloth/tabs out - lights up.


Scene One

Outside Twankey’s Launderette In Peking Square


A practical door is (USR) and a large laundry basket is (USC) Music cue 4: Chorus. After song ends…Chorus exit (SL) 

Wishee enters from the launderette (USR)

Wishee
(to audience) Hello boys and girls! (audience respond) I said hello boys and girls! (audience respond) My name's Wishee Washee, and I'm the toughest, meanest, strongest laundry boy in the whole of Peking! I’m fully trained in Karate, Judo, Kung-Fu, Jujitsu and Origami! Who wants to be in my gang? (audience respond) Great. Now whenever I shout ‘hiya gang’ you have to shout ‘hiya Wishee.’ Do you think you can do that? (audience respond) Okay, let's have a go. (exits and re-enters) Hiya gang! (audience respond) I’m afraid you’ll have to shout much louder than that. Let’s try it again. (repeat business) That's better. (leaves stage and hands out membership cards) You’re all now signed up members of, ‘Wishee's Washup Gang’. Which means that whenever mum asks me to wash a load of dirty, smelly laundry. You all have to give me a hand. Okay? (audience respond) I think some of you are having second thoughts already. Well it’s too late to back out now.  Read the small print.

Lots of clattering and shouting is heard off stage. 

Twankey
(shouts off) Look out! Runaway laundry!

Chorus run on (SL) followed by Widow Twankey, riding on an old-fashioned bicycle with a basket on the front, piled high with washing.

Twankey
Help! Gangway! 

Chorus run around stage to avoid being hit, as she circles the stage, narrowly missing them. She eventually crashes off into the wing (SR) 

SFX: Crashing sounds.

Twankey staggers back on, with various articles of laundry draped over her.

Wishee
What on earth are you doing, mum? 

Twankey
I had to collect a load of laundry this morning, so I thought I’d use that old bike.

Wishee
But the brakes on that haven’t worked in years.

Wishee
So I’ve just found out! (removes the items of laundry from around herself)

Chorus 1
You could have caused someone a serious injury just then!

Twankey
I think I have…me.  (rubbing her bottom) Ooohh! I think my big end’s gone

Wishee
(glancing at her bum) No, I’m afraid it’s still there mum. 

Twankey
Watch it! (removes items of laundry from around herself and hands them to Wishee) Go and put these clothes in the laundry basket. 

Wishee
Okay, mum. (takes the items and goes over to the laundry basket)

Chorus 2
(to Twankey) Didn’t you notice the speed limit sign, Mrs Twankey?

Twankey
Yes, but I was going too fast to read it.

Chorus 3
You could get arrested for speeding you know.

Twankey
And where’s the proof that I was speeding?

Chorus 4
The speed camera will have snapped your face.

Chorus 5
(to Chop) That’s another one bust, then.

Twankey
Cheek! Clear off, before I kick you all up the dim-sums! (chases Chorus off SL)

Wishee rejoins Twankey (CS)

Aladdin enters (SR)

Aladdin
(to Wishee & Twankey) Hello, you two.

Twankey
(to Aladdin) And where have you been all morning, Aladdin?

Aladdin
Here and there.

Wishee
Doing what?

Aladdin
This and that.

Twankey
(suspicious) You didn’t happen to go anywhere near the royal palace, by any chance?

Aladdin
I might’ve done.

Wishee
Don't tell me you're still trying to catch a glimpse of Princess Jasmine. 

Twankey
Especially when you know what the penalty is, if you’re caught.

Aladdin
I'm sorry, mum. But I’m determined to get a look at her, and see what all the fuss is about. 

Wishee
But anyone caught peeking at the Princess, is immediately sentenced to death. 

Aladdin
I know, Wishee. But the thought of seeing her is driving me out of my mind.

Twankey
You're already out of your mind, if you ask me.

SFX: Police whistles.

Wishee
It’s the police!

Twankey
Oh, no! Someone must have spotted you at the palace, Aladdin!

Aladdin
I’d better hide! But where?

Wishee
(holding up laundry basket lid) In this laundry basket! (to audience) Where else?

Aladdin climbs into the side the basket and shuts the lid)

Chop & Suey enter (SR) blowing their whistles.

Wishee
If you’re looking for Aladdin, he went that-a-way. (points SL)

Suey
Thanks! (to Chop) Let’s get after him constable Chop.

Chop
Forget it, we don’t have time. The Princess Jasmine will be arriving shortly, and we have to remind everybody about the royal protocol. 

Wishee
But we all know the royal protocol.

Chop
Yes, but this lot…(indicates audience)…won’t. Tell them, Constable, Suey.

Suey
(to audience) People caught peeking at Princess Pomegranate, will perish painfully.

Chop
(to audience) So whenever the Princess enters, you must all keep your eyes shut tight until she leaves. Right?

Twankey
(to audience) And she’s on quite a bit, so you’re probably not going to see much of the show. 

Chop
(to Twankey) When you see Aladdin, tell him we want to question him.

Twankey
You’ll be wasting your time asking him questions. He can’t even get those ones on the telly competitions right. (to audience) You know the ones. What do you call the big bright yellow thing in the sky? A: A Mirage? B: The Sun? Or C: A fried egg?

Suey
(to Chop) ‘Ere! I entered that competition! 

Chop
And what did you put as your answer?

Suey
A fried egg.

Chop
Why on earth did you put, a fried egg?

Suey
I thought it might be a trick question.

Chop
(pushing Suey off) Let’s go, before people start thinking that all police officers are stupid.

Twankey
Perish the thought.

Chop and Suey exit (SL)

Wishee
(lifting basket lid) You can come out now, Aladdin. They’ve gone.

Aladdin
(climbing out) I don’t know why the police have always got it in for me.

Twankey
Me neither. Especially after all the times you’ve helped them with their enquiries.

Aladdin
Listen mum, I’ve got some marvellous news!

Twankey
Don’t tell me they’ve found a cure for idleness.

Wishee
(worried) They haven’t, have they?

Aladdin
Relax Wishee, it’s not that.

Twankey
Then what is it?

Aladdin
I’ve decided to get married!

Twankey
That’s a bolt from the green!

Wishee
Don’t you mean, ‘blue’?

Twankey
No, green. I’m colour blind. (to Aladdin) So who are you marrying?

Wishee
Is it that girl from the shoe shop, who took a shine to you.

Aladdin
No, Wishee.

Twankey
Is it that girl from the fish shop, who thinks you’re a good catch?

Aladdin
No, mum.

Wishee
Then who is it?

Aladdin
Princess Jasmine, of course!

Twankey
Don’t be ridiculous Aladdin. Everybody knows it’s death for commoners to look upon the Princess’s face, let alone anything else of hers. 

Wishee
You’d have to be richer than a Russian oligarch in order to marry a Princess, Aladdin.

Aladdin
Call me silly, if you like. But I have this feeling that one day, I’ll have piles of money.

Twankey
You might have piles, but it won’t be money.  Now stop all this silly talk, and both of you come with me. You’re going to do something you’ve never done before. 

Wishee
What’s that then?

Twankey
Work!

Aladdin 
(rubbing his elbow) I’d love to mum, but I’ve got a touch of tennis elbow. 

Wishee
(rubbing his knee) Ooooh! Me too.

Twankey
That sounds like a racket to get out of doing any work. Now get inside the pair of you, before I serve up a couple of backhanders! (to audience) ‘Racket’? ‘Backhanders’? ‘Tennis’? Oh, forget it. (shoves Aladdin and Wishee off into launderette - all exit)

Music cue 6: Abanazer enters (SL)

Abanazer
(looks at sign) ‘Twankey’s Launderette’. This looks like the place.  I must be careful not to let Aladdin know, why I want the lamp. As soon as I have it, I will dispose of him by sealing him in the cave forever! Ha-ha-ha! (knocks on the shop door)

Wishee enters from the launderette. 

Wishee
Hiya gang! (audience respond - to Abanazer) What do you want chum?

Abanazer
Don’t call me ‘chum’! It makes me sound like dog-food

Wishee
Sorry, pal.

Abanazer
Do you know where can I get hold of Widow Twankey?

Wishee
Anywhere you like, she’s not fussy.

Abanazer
Is she at home?

Wishee
Yes, but she’s otherwise engaged at the moment.

SFX: Flushing toilet.

Wishee
I think she’s available now. I’ll just go and tell her you’re here. (calling as he exits) Mum! There’s a man out here who wants to grab hold of you.

Twankey rushes on.

Twankey
(to Wishee) Here I am! Now where’s the lucky man?

Abanazer
(bowing) Good day, madam. My name is ‘Abanazer’.

Twankey
‘Ali Baba’! I think you’re in the wrong panto.

Abanazer
It’s ‘Abanazer’!

Twankey
So Mr Acapella, what can I do for you?

Abanazer
I am your husband's long-lost brother.

Twankey
You can’t be, my husband never had a brother.

Abanazer
And I'm the brother he never had. I’m also incredibly rich.

Twankey
(suddenly interested) Rich? Oh yes, now I remember. He used to talk about you all the time.

Abanazer
I’m glad to see that your memory has returned. Tell me, how is my dear sibling?

Twankey
I’m afraid he’s no longer with us. 

Abanazer
You mean, you’re divorced?

Twankey
No but we are separated. 

Abanazer 
Do you think he will ever return to you?

Twankey
I certainly hope not. He’s been dead ten years. 

Abanazer
My poor brother is dead?

Twankey
Well I should hope he was, ‘cos we buried him. 

Abanazer
(feigning grief) Oh, woe is me! My one and only brother - dead! 

Twankey
(sits on the bench and pats it) Come and sit down for a bit.

Abanazer
(aside to audience) Maybe if I flatter the old bag, she’ll allow Aladdin to come with me. (joins Twankey on the bench) How exactly did my poor brother die?

Twankey
He died in a gas explosion. 

Abanazer
How dreadful!

Twankey
Yes, but it was his own fault. I told him not to have that vindaloo and a crate of brown ale for supper. Tell me. Are you by any chance…married?

Abanazer
No, I’ve never met the right woman…until now that is. I don’t wish to be forward, but would you mind if I wooed you? 

Twankey
Not, at all. (grabs his hand and places it on her knee) Feel free.

Abanazer
(gazing at her face) Oh, those eyes…those lips…those cheekbones...those chins! (to audience) She’s got more chins than a Chinese phone directory. 

Twankey
Flatterer! I’m not usually this forward on a first date, but you may kiss me if you like. (closes her eyes and puckers up)

Abanazer
(grimaces) All in good time. First I wish to meet your son Aladdin, and get his blessing.

Twankey
What for? He’s a laundry boy, not a flaming vicar.

Abanazer
But you do have a son called ‘Aladdin’?

Twankey
(suddenly wary) I might have.

Abanazer
Don’t you know?

Twankey
Well that all depends.

Abanazer
On what?

Twankey
On why you’re asking.

Abanazer
I’d like to borrow him, for a bit.

Twankey
(shocked) A bit of what!?

Abanazer
I have some work I want him to do for me.

Twankey
If you manage to get Aladdin to do any work, then you’re a better man than me. Er…not that I’m a man, mind. I have a husky voice, that’s all.

Abanazer
(aside to audience) It compliments her ‘dog’ rough face. (to Twankey) I will pay you handsomely for his services. (hands her a bag of gold)

Twankey
Dear me, where are my manners. Of course you can borrow him. (shouts) Aladdin! Wishee! Get out here now!

Aladdin and Wishee enter from the launderette.

Wishee
Hiya gang! (audience respond) 

Aladdin
What is it mum?

Twankey
Boys. I’d like you to meet your Uncle Appetizer. He’s your father’s brother.

Wishee
But I thought dad was an only child.

Twankey
So did I, but it appears we were wrong.

Aladdin
(suspicious) How do you know he’s really our uncle?

Twankey
Because I’ve just vetted him…(patting the bag of money)…personally. 

Wishee
(indicating audience) In front of all these people? 

Aladdin 
(still not convinced) So what can we do for you…uncle?

Abanazer
I discovered that my dear brother’s family were dirt poor, which is why I’m here. 

Wishee
You’ve brought us some free washing powder?

Abanazer
No. I’m offering Aladdin the chance to make you all wealthy, beyond imagination!

Aladdin
Imagine that mum!

Twankey
I can’t. 

Wishee
Why not?

Twankey
‘Cos he just said it was ‘beyond imagination’.

Aladdin
(to Abanazer) And what do I have to do in return? 

Abanazer
I have a little job that needs doing, badly.

Twankey
(dryly) Well you’ve certainly picked the right person. Aladdin does everything badly.

Aladdin
It doesn’t involve any heavy lifting does it? Only I have this back problem, see.

Twankey
(to Abanazer) Ignore him. The only back problem he has, is lifting it off the bed in the morning.

Abanazer
Don’t worry, it involves very little effort.

Aladdin
In that case, I’ll do it.

Abanazer
Good. I will pick you up tomorrow at 6am.

Twankey
That’s a bit early isn’t it. (coyly) I might have to answer the door in my nightie. 

Abanazer
On second thoughts, I’ll call back later today. (exits SL)

Aladdin
Gosh, mum. We could soon be millionaires!

Twankey
Millionaires! Music cue 7: Twankey, Aladdin & Wishee. After song ends…

Wishee
I can’t wait to be filthy rich!

Twankey
Well you’re halfway there already. But until then, we’ll carry on as normal. Now let’s get inside and get washing.

Aladdin
Okay mum, I just have to do something first.

Twankey
What?

Aladdin
I think I might’ve dropped my buss pass outside the palace, and if the police find it they’ll assume I’ve been peeking at the Princess.

Twankey
They’d assume right.

Wishee
But if you go back for it, they might nab you.

Aladdin
That’s a chance I’ll have to take Wishee. Bye! (exits SL)

Twankey
Aladdin! Come back! He’s gone. (to Wishee) Let’s go and get that washing done, Wishee. It’ll take my mind off Aladdin getting caught by the police.

Twankey and Wishee exit into launderette.

Jasmine and Suki enter (SR)

Suki
I don’t think sneaking out of the palace was such a good idea, your highness. The police are looking for a thief called ‘Aladdin’, who tried scaling the palace walls. And we don’t want to bump into the desperado, do we?

Jasmine
Ironic isn’t it? This Aladdin is trying to break into the palace, and for years I’ve been trying to break out of it.

SFX: Police whistles.

Aladdin runs on (SL) looking for somewhere to hide, but the basket has gone.

Aladdin
(to Princess & Suki) Please hide me! The police are after me! 

Suki
It must be the thief, Aladdin! Help! Police! 

Aladdin
Please don’t give me away! I’m not a thief, I promise!

Jasmine
That’s what they all say.

Aladdin
But it’s true - honest!

Suki
I don’t believe you.

Jasmine
Well I do.

Suki
Why?

Jasmine
I’m a good judge of character, and he has an honest face. (aside to Suki) Plus, he’s very handsome. (to Aladdin) Don’t worry, we won’t give you away. (to Suki) Will we Suki?

Suki
But…

Jasmine
(firmly)…Will we Suki?

Suki
(sighs) No, your high…(Jasmine places a hand over her mouth) 

Jasmine
…Someone’s coming! Hide behind us, Aladdin!

Aladdin
Thanks! (hides behind them)

Chop and Suey run on (SL) blowing their whistles.

Chop    
(looking around) All right, where is he? 

Jasmine
Who, officers?

Chop
Aladdin Twankey! We were chasing him just now and he ran this way.

Jasmine
I didn’t see anyone.  

Suey
(to Suki) And what about you?

Jasmine
She didn’t see anyone either.

Chop
Can’t she speak for herself?

Jasmine
(Suki opens her mouth, but Jasmine interrupts before she can speak) No! She’s…erm…a mute! (Suki stares at Jasmine open-mouthed and Jasmine gently pushes her chin up to close her mouth) 

Chop
I’ll ask this lot…(indicates audience)…if they’ve seen him. (to audience) Did Aladdin run through here just now? (Jasmine shakes her head and encourages audience to say ‘no’) 

Suey
(to audience) Are you sure? (audience respond) 

Chop
Never mind, we’ll catch him. (to Jasmine & Suki) And if you’re telling fibs, we’ll return and nick you both.

Suki
(forgetting herself) I don’t think you realise who you’re talking to. 

Suey
(to Suki) I thought you couldn’t speak!

Suki
Well I can! (pointing to Jasmine) And this is Princess Jasmine!

Chop
(sarcastic) And I’m Simon Cowell!

Suey
Really?  I hought your name was ‘Constable Chop’.

Chop
(hits Suey with truncheon) Shut up! 

Suki
You don’t believe me?

Chop
Do I look stupid?

Suki
Yes!  

Jasmine
Perhaps my ring with the royal seal will convince you. (displays the ring)

Chop
(checks the ring closely) Oh, ‘eck! It really is Princess Jasmine! 

Suey
What are you doing outside the palace alone, your highupness?

Jasmine
I’m not alone. I have Suki with me and we’re travelling incognito.

Suey
Is that a type of royal rickshaw or something?

Jasmine
No. It means I don’t want anyone to know I’m here.

Suki
Especially her parents.

Chop
We’ll if you’ll excuse us, we have to nick Aladdin. (to Suey) Let’s go, constable. 

Chop and Suey exit (SR)

Jasmine and Suki part to reveal Aladdin.

Aladdin
(bowing low) Please forgive me your highness! I had no idea it was you! 

Suki
Are you the thief called, Aladdin?

Aladdin
My name is ‘Aladdin’, but I’m no thief. I’m a poor boy…(slaps thigh)…but honest.

Jasmine
Then why are you trying break into the palace, if it’s not to steal gold and jewels?

Aladdin
I’ll admit to trying to break into the palace. But I’m after stealing something far more precious than gold and jewels.

Suki
I knew it! He’s nothing but a common thief your highness!

Jasmine
Hush, Suki. (to Aladdin) And what is this precious thing, you’re trying to steal Aladdin?

Aladdin
A glimpse of you, your highness.

Jasmine
You mean, you risked your life just to see me?

Aladdin
Yes, your highness.

Jasmine
Well now that you have, you no longer need to risk your life.

Aladdin
But then how would I ever see you again?

Suki
Don’t you realise that you could be executed, for daring to even look at the princess? 

Jasmine
I’m afraid she’s right, Aladdin. My father is terribly strict.

Aladdin
I don’t care. I’d risk anything to see you again.

Jasmine
Oh, Aladdin. All my life I’ve longed to escape from the palace and meet someone brave and adventurous like you.

Aladdin and Jasmine gaze into each other’s eyes, oblivious to Suki who mimes putting fingers down throat.

Suki
We’d better return to the palace your highness. Before anybody discovers that you’re missing.

Jasmine
You go back to the palace alone Suki, and I’ll follow you shortly.

Suki
But what shall I to tell your parents if they ask where you are?

Jasmine
I’m sure you’ll think of something. Now please leave us.

Suki
(reluctantly) Yes, your highness. (exits SR)

Jasmine
(to Aladdin) Would you really risk anything to see me again, Aladdin?

Aladdin
Yes, your highness.

Jasmine
You may call me ‘Jasmine’.

Aladdin
Do you think it possible that we could see each other again, Jasmine?

Jasmine
I’d love to. But my father plans to marry me off soon, to the richest man he can find.

Aladdin
Well as it happens, I’m about to become very rich myself. Maybe you could stall him until I return, and present myself as a suitor for your hand?

Jasmine
(taken aback) You mean, you wish to marry me?

Aladdin
With all my heart, Jasmine.

Jasmine
That’s a bit sudden isn’t it?  Even for, a panto. 

Aladdin
I know, but if your father intend to marry you off soon. I can’t exactly hang about, now can I?

Jasmine
Then it’s lucky that I feel the same way about you, Aladdin.

Aladdin
You do?

Jasmine
From the moment our eyes first met.

They hold hands and walk downstage. Curtains/tabs close behind them, lights dim and a spotlight comes up on them.

Aladdin A Genie-us Panto

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