• Alice In Wonderland

Synopsis:
A delightful panto set in Lewis Carrol's fantastical Wonderland and featuring many of the well-known characters, such as The White Rabbit, Tweedle Dum & Tweedle Dee, The King & Queen of Hearts, The Caterpillar, Cheshire Cat and more. Alice is tired from collecting strawberries and falls 'asleep' underneath a tree. When she wakes, she spots the White Rabbit and follows him down a rabbit hole into Wonderland. There, the Knave of Spades has designs on marrying Princess Ruby of Hearts and ruling Wonderland, but first he must get his hands on a golden heart made from gold from the Wizard of Muddleup Wood’s magic goldmine. He intends to use the heart together with the White Rabbit's gold watch, to make an evil spell to achieve his aim. He hypnotises Dum & Dee and gets them to capture the White Rabbit and bring him to his castle. In order to save Wonderland, Alice and her friends must obtain another golden heart from the Wizard and place it in the Grand Shield of Wonderland before the Knave places his black heart there. On the way through Muddleup Wood, Alice and her mother encounter spaced-out hippies trying to find their way to Glastonbury and join the Mad Hatter and March Hare, for an outrageously funny tea-party. And everyone is constantly frustrated by the Joker's hopeless sat-nav. This award-winning panto contains all the elements of traditional pantomime, plus the sort of madcap antics and scenes that you would expect of a panto set in Wonderland.

Roles:
13 principals plus 2 smaller roles for the Mad Hatter and March Hare’s one big scene. Also one small scene each for the Cheshire Cat and The Caterpillar. Plus a chorus who also appear throughout the script as hippies, with many speaking lines.

Runtime:
All of our scripts have a runtime of approx 120 minutes, assuming that you use the full number of suggested musical numbers and not including any interval. But this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit.

Music:
All of our pantomimes come with a full, suggested songs and music cues and SFX list.

Style:
Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.


 

Characters
Alice
Dame Millicent Milksop
Wally The Joker
Knave Of Spades
Tweedle Dum
Tweedle Dee
Queen Of Hearts
King Of Hearts
Princess Of Hearts
Prince Of Diamonds
White Rabbit
Wizard
Mad Hatter
March Hare
Sergeant

Chorus/Minor roles
Hippies
Soldiers
Cheshire Cat
Caterpillar
Dormouse
Wonderlanders
Mineworkers
Palace retinue, etc


Prologue

A cut-out tree can be placed in front of tabs near wing (SL) next to a cut-out ‘rabbit hole’ and both can be removed during blackout. Otherwise Alice can sit on a small log/stool next to wing and Rabbit and Alice can just exit as normal.

Alice enters (SR) carrying a basket of strawberries.

Alice
(sings) #Are you going to Scarborough fair, parsley sage rosemary and thyme# (spots audience) Oh, hello. My name’s Alice. I’m just out collecting strawberries for tea, but I’ve walked miles now and I’m rather tired. (yawns) I think I’ll have a little rest before I set off home. (sits down under the tree and falls asleep)

Lights dim and UV lights on to enhance the dreamlike scene. Music cue 1: Chorus or Children enter dressed as fantasy creatures (colourful flying insects could be lowered from above for added effect during this scene) Alice ‘wakes’ and moves (CS) marvelling at all the strange creatures as they dance around her and leads the song. After song ends…All exit leaving Alice alone onstage. UV lights off and dimmed lighting on. 

Alice
(watching them exit) How curious.

SFX: Cartoon style running/whizzing sound.

The White Rabbit runs on (SR) wearing a shoulder bag across his body, containing a golden heart.

W. Rabbit
I’m late! I’m late!  

Alice
Hello Mr Rabbit.

W. Rabbit
Can’t stop! I’m late! Goodbye! 

Alice
Wait, please!

The White Rabbit stops.

Alice
Why are you in such a hurry?

W. Rabbit 
(sings) I’m late! I’m late! For a very important date. No time to say ‘hello’ goodbye, I’m late-I’m-late-I’m late!” (checks his pocket watch) Oh my ears and whiskers, I’m later than ever now!

Alice
But you still haven’t said what you’re late for.

W. Rabbit
The royal wedding of course!

Alice
A royal wedding! How exciting! Who is getting married?

W. Rabbit
Princess Ruby of Hearts and Prince Jack of Diamonds. (checks watch again) Oh my gosh, I really must dash! (crawls through a ‘rabbit hole’ SL and exits)

Alice
(calls after him) Wait, Mr Rabbit! (exits after the White Rabbit)

Blackout – cloth/tabs out – full lighting up.


Scene One

Wonderland


Music cue 2: Wonderlanders. After song ends…

Wally the Joker enters (SR)

Joker
(brightly) Hiya folks!

W’landers
Hiya Wally!

Joker
I say, I say! What’s red and wobbly and flies in the air? Give up? A jellycopter! (falls about laughing)

Wonderlanders groan.

W’lander 1 
Give it a rest Wally.

Joker
But it’s my job to get everyone in a happy mood, ready to cheer the Queen of Hearts when she arrives. If she doesn’t get the welcome she expects, she’ll have my head. Couldn’t you at least force a titter?

W’lander 2
Sorry Wally, but we’ve heard all your jokes before. 

W’lander 3
(indicating audience) But this lot won’t have. 

W’lander 4
(dryly) I wouldn’t bet on it.

W’lander 5
(to Wally) Why don’t you try your jokes out on them, Wally?

Joker
Good idea. (to audience) Hiya folks! (muted response)

W’lander 1
If that’s the best they can do, you’re definitely gonna lose your head, Wally.

Joker
(confident) I haven’t even warmed up yet. (to audience) Hi there, my name’s Wally and I’m the royal Joker. Every time I come on and shout ‘hiya folks’ I want you all to shout back ‘tell us a joke, you funny bloke’, and I’ll tell you one of my brilliant jokes. Okay? (audience respond) Let’s have a practice then. (exits and re-enters) Hiya folks! (audience respond) That wasn’t very good was it? Now listen boys and girls. I had a word with your mums and dads on the way in and they’ve all agreed that you can shout as loud as you want today. Tomorrow you’ll have to be quiet because they’ll all have hangovers. Let’s have another go. (exits and re-enters) Hiya folks! (audience respond) I don’t think the mums and dads were joining in, were they boys and girls. We’ll have another go and this time make sure they all join in. (exits and re-enters) Hiya folks! (audience respond) I say, I say! My mother-in-law has just gone to Moscow.

W’lander 2
Is she Russian?

Joker
No, she’s taking her time! (laughs)

Wonderlanders groan.

Joker
I’d better get to the palace before the queen sets off. See you later folks. (exits SL)

W’lander 3
Poor Wally. It must be dreadful working for the Queen of Hearts, knowing that any day you could get the chop.

W’lander 4
(drawing a finger across their throat) Literally.

Alice crawls on (SR)

Alice
Mr Rabbit, where are you? (realises she can stand) Thank goodness I can stand again. That rabbit hole was ever so cramped. (sees the Wonderlanders) Oh, hello. You haven’t seen a white rabbit have you?

W’lander 5
No but I’ve seen a red herring. 

W’lander 1
I once saw a dark horse.

W’lander 2
And last night I saw a pink elephant. 

W’lander 3
Yes but you had just come out of the…(local pub)…dear. 

Dame Milly enters (SL)

Dame Milly
There you are Alice! I’ve been looking all over for you. You’re late for your tea again.

Alice
Sorry mum. 

SFX: Cartoon style running whizzing sound.

White Rabbit runs on (USL)

Dame Milly
Oh look, it’s the Easter Bunny. 

W. Rabbit
(stops and checks his watch) Oh my, I’m late for the royal wedding!

Dame Milly
Royal wedding! Is Prince Harry getting married now? (or other royal)

Alice
No mum, the Princess of Hearts is marrying the Prince of Diamonds.

Dame Milly
The Princess of Hearts and the Prince of Diamonds…’marrying’. (laughs) Oh Alice, you are a card. 

W. Rabbit
(checks watch again) I’m late! Goodbye! (exits SR)

Alice
Wait Mr Rabbit! (exits after the White Rabbit)

Dame Milly
(calls after her) Alice!  (annoyed) That’s it, I’ve had enough I’m not running after her anymore. Who wants to go to a stuffy old royal wedding anyway?

Music cue 3: Lights dim and Knave of Spades enters (SL)

Knave
Did I hear someone mention a ‘royal wedding’?

Dame Milly
With ears like that, you could hardly have missed it.

Knave
So who is getting married?

Dame Milly
Well if you believe the rumours, the Princess of Hearts and the Prince of Diamonds.

Knave
Curses! 

Dame Milly
Don’t tell me you’re late as well.

Knave
I should be marrying the Princess!

Dame Milly
Are you a vicar, then?

Knave 
No! I should be the royal groom!

Dame Milly
Never mind, I’m sure there are plenty of other stables you can work at.

Knave 
(pointing at her) With a face like that, it’s you who ought to be in stables.

Dame Milly
How dare you! Just who are you anyway?

Knave
I am the Knave of Spades. The King of Hearts and I had an understanding, that one day his daughter and I would marry. But it seems that he’s gone back on his word.

Alice enters (SR)

Dame Milly
(to Alice) Did you catch the White Rabbit, then?

Alice
No mum, he was too fast for me.    

Knave
(to himself) White Rabbit, eh. (to Alice & Milly) I too am after the White Rabbit, and will pay a handsome reward to anyone who helps me catch him.

Dame Milly
He went that-a-way. (points SR)

Knave
Thanks! (runs off SR)

Dame Milly
(shouts after him) Just make the cheque out to ‘Milly’!

Alice
Why did you tell him where the White Rabbit went, mum? I don’t like the look of him.

Dame Milly
Never judge people by appearances Alice. I thought he was an ugly ner-do-well at first, until I started to notice his better qualities.

Alice
When?

Dame Milly
The moment he mentioned ‘handsome reward’. 

Music cue 4: Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee enter (SL)

Dame Milly
Eh-up, it’s the Chuckle Brothers.

Dee
(to Milly) Hello to you.

Dum
(to Alice) Hello to you.

Dee
(to Milly) Hello to you again.

Dum
We’ll introduce ourselves if we may.

Dee
Or if you like we’ll go away.

Dum
I’m Tweedle Dum.

Dee
I’m Tweedle Dee.

Dum & Dee
And Tweedly twins are what we be.

Dum
(to Milly) Now who are you?

Dee
(to Alice) And who are you?

Dum
(to Milly) And who are you again?

Dame Milly
(points to herself and Alice in turn) I’m me, that’s her - that’s her, I’m me - but I’m not her and she’s not me. I can be silly too you see.

Dee
And very well you do it too. 

Dum
A little recitation entitled ‘Father William’. 
‘You are old father William’ the young man said. (an Old Man enters SR)
‘And your hair it has grown very white 
And yet you incessantly stand on your head (Old Man tries standing on his head)
Do you think at your age it is right’?

Dame Milly
(to Old Man) I think ‘aerobics for octogenarians’ is next door, love.

The Old Man finally gives up exits (SR) shaking his head

Dee
Another recitation entitled ‘The Sea.’
I must go down to the sea again,
To the lonely sea and sky.
I left my vest and pants on the beach,
And I want to see if they’re dry. 

Alice
(to Dum & Dee) Excuse me, but you haven’t seen a White Rabbit have you?

Dum
That is correct - we haven’t. 

Alice
Only I was chasing him just now.

Dee
Are you hunting him?

Dum
With a spear?

Dee
With a gun?

Dum
Or perhaps, a sticky bun?

Alice
No, he’s going to the royal wedding and I’d like to go too. Only I don’t know the way.

Dee
There’s only one way in Wonderland.

Dame Milly
And which way’s that?

Dum
The Queen’s way of course. 

Dee
She makes the law and sets the rules. 

Dum
And we obey ‘cos we’re no fools.

Queen
(off) Out of my way!

Alice
Who is that?

Dee
It’s the Queen of Hearts!

Alice
She sounds angry.

Dum
She’s always angry. 

Dee
Not at all like the Queen of Diamonds

Dum
Or the Queen of Clubs. 

Dee
Or the Queen of Spades.

Dame Milly
Blimey, this place has more Queens than an Elton John party.

Queen
(off) Out of my way!

Dum 
(to Dee) Shall we scarper, brother?

Dee
That would be prudent.

Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee turn to Alice and Milly.

Dum 
(to Alice) Goodbye to you.

Dee
(to Milly) Goodbye to you.

Dum
(to Alice) Goodbye to you again.

Dum and Dee exit (SR)

Wally enters (SL)

Joker
Hiya folks! (audience respond) I say, I say! What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite! 

Dame Milly
And that was about as funny. 

Joker
(to Milly) Who are you?

Dame Milly
I’m Dame Milly and this is my beautiful daughter, Alice. 

Joker
(to Alice) Pleased to meet you Alice. 

Alice
Likewise, Mr…?

Joker
Pratt. Wally M. Pratt.

Alice
What’s the M for?

Joker
It’s a motorway from London to Bristol. (laughs) Ha-ha-ha! I’ve got a million of ‘em.

Dame Milly
And if they’re anything like that, you can keep them.

Joker
I’m the royal joker and it’s my job to get everyone in a happy mood, before the King and Queen arrive.

Dame Milly
You’ll have your work cut out with this lot. (indicates audience) They all look as though they’ve lost a tenner and found 10p.

Joker
I’ll soon have them rolling in the aisles, watch. (to audience) I say, I say! What sort of bees live in a graveyard? Give up? Zom-bees! (mimics a zombie)

Dame Milly
Speaking of the undead. (indicating audience) Where did they dig this lot up? 

SFX: Royal fanfare.

The Queen of Hearts sweeps on (SL) tamely followed by the King of Hearts. 

Joker
Three cheers for their majesties! Hip-hip-hooray! Hip-hip-hooray! Hip-hip-hooray! 

Queen
That wasn’t much of a welcome!

King
(weakly) I thought it was all right dear.

Queen
(snaps) When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you!

King
(cowers) Yes dear, thank you dear.

Joker
(to Queen) I’m sorry your majesty, but this audience appear to have left their sense of humour at home.

Dame Milly
And I’ll bet they wish they’d stayed home with it.

Queen
(bellows) Send for the army! 

King
(calls) Send for the army! Send for the Army! Her majesty has spoken, yes indeed. (to Alice & Milly) Isn’t she loud? Mmmm?

Joker
Oh, no!

Alice
(to Joker) Don’t worry Wally, I can’t see them being any funnier than you.

All move upstage as Soldiers dressed and playing cards enter (SL) followed by the Sergeant. Music cue 5: Music ends and the Soldiers line up fidgeting about and pushing and shoving each other - one faces wrong way, etc.

Sergeant 
(to Soldiers) No shuffling in the ranks! (bawls) Atteeeeeenshun!

The Soldiers snap to attention and Soldier 1 falls over.

Dame Milly
(to Alice) Not exactly the Coldstream Guards, are they?

Sergeant
(shouts at Soldier 1) Who told you to fall out soldier?

Soldier 1
No one sarge.

Sergeant
On your feet you ‘orrible little card!

Soldier 1 scrambles to his feet.

Sergeant 
(salutes) Card division reporting for duty, your majesties!

Queen
(to Sergeant) The Joker has failed in his royal task, and one is not amused.

King
A very serious offence don’tcha know.

Queen
For which there is only one punishment. (pointing at Wally) Off with his head!

Sergeant
(to Soldiers) Take him away!

Soldiers take hold of Wally.

Joker
(pleading) Please give me another chance your majesty! I’m sure I can make them laugh.

Dame Milly
I wouldn’t hold out too much hope if I were you. I’ve seen your lines. 

Alice
(to Queen) You can’t chop someone’s head off, for not making people laugh.

Queen
(turns on Alice) Who are you?

Alice
I’m Alice your majesty and…(introducing Milly)…this is my mum.

Dame Milly
(awkward curtsey) Charmed I’m sure.

Queen
You're newcomers to Wonderland, I take it.

Alice
Yes, your majesty.

King
(gushing) Visitors! How nice! (shaking their hands) Welcome to our kingdom! Isn’t it lovely? Mmmm?

Alice
(unsure) We-eell…

Queen
And now the pleasantries are out of the way. (pointing at Alice and Milly) Off with their heads!

Dame Milly
Some welcome!

Alice
But what have we done wrong?

King
You uttered the two words that must never be directed at the queen.

Dame Milly
I don’t recall either of us calling her ‘big bum’.

King
Those aren’t the forbidden words.

Dame Milly
You mean we can call her ‘big bum’?

Joker
Sssssh! You’ll only make things worse.

Alice
What could be worse than having your head chopped off?

King
The forbidden words are ‘you can’t’. 

Queen
(to Sergeant) Take them all to the chopping block!

Sergeant
Yes, your majesty. (to Soldiers) Bring them along.

Soldiers take hold of Alice and Milly.

Dame Milly
Take your hands off me, or I shall be forced to deal with you! (to audience) Deal? Cards? (gives up) Oh, forget it.

King
(nervously to Queen) Do we have to chop their heads off, dear? Mmmm? It’s so messy. Can’t we just throw them in the palace dungeons instead? Mmmm? Pretty please. Mmmm?

Dame Milly
(pleads) Oh, please don’t put me in the dungeons! I suffer from ogitrev!

King
What’s ogitrev?

Dame Milly
Well you’ve heard of vertigo?

Queen
Yes, it’s the fear of heights.

Dame Milly
Well ogitrev is just the reverse. (to audience) Think about it. (to Queen) I can’t bear the thought of being underground.

King
But you’ll end up underground eventually.

Dame Milly
Over my dead body!

Joker
That’s the usual way.

Queen
(bellows with laughter) Ha-ha-ha! ‘Over my dead body’! How terribly droll! I love dark humour. Just for that, I won’t chop your heads off after all. (to Sergeant) Sergeant. Take your men and return to barracks.

Sergeant
Yes, your majesty. (to Soldiers) All right you ‘orrible lot! At the double! Quick march! Left…left…left, right, left!

Soldiers march off (SL) in a hopelessly inept manner. 

Queen
(to Alice & Milly) How would you both like to come to the palace for tea and tarts? I made them all on a summer’s day you know.

Alice
Thank you your majesty, we’d love too. 

Queen
(to Alice & Milly) Do you play croquet?

Dame Milly
What’s croquet?

Joker
It involves hitting balls with a large wooden mallet.

King
(covers his vulnerables and bends his knees) Oooohh! Can’t we play tiddlywinks instead dear? Mmmm? Croquet is such a violent game.

Queen
(snaps) Only when you get in my way! Now shut up and come along!

King and Queen begin to exit (SR) followed by Alice, Milly and Wally.

Queen
(turns to Alice & Milly) Where do you think you’re going?

Alice
To the palace with you, your majesty.

Dame Milly
You invited us for tea, remember?

Queen
Yes, but one is not going to the palace. One is going to open a new supermarket. 

King
(excited) Can I cut the ribbon, dear? Can I? Mmmm? Pretty please? Mmmm? (uses his fingers as scissors) Snip-snip. 

Queen
There’s only one snip you’ll be getting, if you interrupt me again! (to Alice & Milly) You’ll just have to make your own way to the palace. 

King and Queen exit quickly (SR)

Alice
(calls after them) But we don’t know the way!

Joker
Don’t worry, I’ll take you there. Follow me. (leads them off SL)

Blackout - cloth/tabs in - lights up. 


Scene Two

Near Muddleup Wood


SFX: Cartoon style running/whizzing sound.

White Rabbit runs on (SL)

W. Rabbit
I’m late! I’m late! (exits SR)

Knave of Spades rushes on (SL) and crosses to (SR)

Knave
(peering into wing) Curses! The White Rabbit has disappeared into Muddleup Wood. I shall need help, capturing him now.

Music cue 6: Dum and Dee enter (SR)

Knave
(aside to audience) And these two idiots could be just what I’m looking for.

Dee
(to Knave) Hello to you.

Dum
(to Knave) Hello to you.

Dee
(to Dum) Hello to you.

Dum
(to Dee - shaking hands) Hello to you again.

Dee
(to Knave) We’ll introduce ourselves if we may.

Dum
(wary of the Knave) But on second thoughts, we’ll go away.

Dum and Dee turn to go.

Knave
(to Dum & Dee) Don’t go, gentlemen. I’m looking for two handsome, intelligent individuals like yourselves, to assist me in a financial matter.

Dum and Dee stop and turn.

Dee
‘Intelligent’ you say?

Knave
Indeed, I do. 

Dum
And ‘handsome’?

Knave
That also.

Dee
In that case, we’d be happy to assist you.

Dum
Financial matters are our speciality.

Dee
One and one makes a couple. 

Dum
Two couples make a party.

Dee
Parties cost money.

Dum
And money equals finance.

Knave
I can see that you’re both well qualified, gentlemen. 

Dee
We certainly are. Now how can we be of assistance?

Knave
(takes out a large jewel on a chain) Take a look at this jewel, which I recently purchased from a car-boot sale, and give me your thoughts.

Dum
We can’t do that! 

Knave
Why not?

Dee
‘Cos if we give all our thoughts away, we won’t have anything left to think about.

Knave
(aside to audience) Jackpot! (to Dum & Dee) Your opinion will suffice gentlemen. Now look deep into the jewel (swings the jewel in front of their eyes) 

SFX: Tick-tock sound as jewel is swung back and forth.

Knave
Deep…deeper. (snaps his fingers

SFX: Loud snap like a whip snap - synchronised with Knave snapping his fingers.

Dum and Dee immediately stand bolt upright, and repeat the Knave's words parrot fashion.

Knave
You are both under my control.

Dee/Dum 
We are under your control.

Knave
You will enter Muddleup Wood.

Dee/Dum
Righty-tighty!

Knave
Capture the White Rabbit

Dee/Dum
Okely-dokely!

Knave
And bring him to me.

Dee/Dum
Indeedly-doodly!

Knave
Now go!

Dee/Dum
At once your nastiness.

Dum and Dee exit (SR)

Knave
Once I have the golden heart, I will use it to take over the Kingdom of Hearts. But why stop there. I’ve recently discovered that the White Rabbit’s watch is also made of gold, from the wizard’s magic goldmine. With the added power of the watch, I can take over not only Wonderland, but the whole world. Ha-ha-ha! (exits SL)


Alice In Wonderland

  • Product Code: Aliceinwonderland
  • Availability: In Stock
  • £40.00


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