• Dick Whittington And The Caribbean Pirates

Synopsis:

The story of a poor boy from Gloucester, who comes to London seeking his fortune and ends up as Lord Mayor. But not before he encounters a nasty villain in the shape of King Rat, who frames him for stealing money from his employer, Alderman Fitzwarren. Dick is run out of London as a thief, leaving behind his true love, Alice Fitzwarren. But when all seems lost, Fairy Bowbells appears and persuades Dick to return and clear his name. Unbeknownst to Dick, Alice is about to set sail for Morocco. Along with Fitzwarren’s cook Sarah, her son Idle Jack and his girlfriend, Dozy Doris. However, the ship is skippered by part-time pirate Captain Birdseye and his crew, and they plan to hijack the ship and take it to the island of Bogadishu, where they hope to retrieve their buried treasure. Dick manages to sneak on board ship, but so does King Rat, along with his sidekicks, Nipper and Gnasher. As they near the island, King Rat hijacks the ship and orders them all into a lifeboat. But his idiot sidekicks have already pulled the plug, and the ship is sunk. They all manage to get to shore, where Dick and the rest of the crew are captured by the islanders and taken to the chief’s palace. A final showdown between Dick and King Rat takes here, and after a brief fight King Rat is defeated. Dick returns to London, marries Alice and becomes Lord Mayor of London.

Roles:
14 principals plus 2 cameo roles, and a chorus.

Runtime:
All of our scripts have a runtime of approx 120 minutes, assuming that you use the full number of suggested musical numbers and not including any interval. But this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit.

Music:
All of our pantomimes come with a full, suggested songs and music cues and SFX list.

Style:
Traditional British pantomime, incorporating visual comedy, slapstick and audience participation.

 

Characters
Alderman Fitzwarren
Alice Fitzwarren
Sarah the Cook
Dick Whittington 
Idle Jack<
Dozy Doris
Captain Birdseye
Boson
Mate
King Rat
Nipper
Gnasher
Fairy Bowbells
Tommy 
 
Chorus/Minor roles
Island Chief
Gorilla
Rats
Londoners
Sailors
Islanders


Prologue


Music cue 1: King Rat, Gnasher and Nipper enter (SL)

King Rat
(sneering at audience) Greetings. You dirty…smelly…disgusting…humans. My name is King Rat.

Gnasher
‘Cos he's a King.

Nipper
And he's a rat.

King Rat
(introducing Nipper & Gnasher) And these are my rodent assistants.

Gnasher
I’m Gnasher.

Nipper
And I’m Nipper.

King Rat
Us rats are everywhere. In your gardens.

Gnasher
In your homes.

Nipper
Even in the kitchens of this ‘ere theatre.

King Rat
So if I were you, I wouldn’t eat anything that looks like it has raisins in it. (laughs) Anyway, I’ve decided that us rats are going to take over London. Up to now, we’ve had to hide from you humans. But soon it will be you lot who are hiding from us!

Gnasher
(points to audience) Look, boss! Children!

King Rat
(leering at audience) I…hate…children! (audience boo) Boo all you like; you can't stop me. ‘Cos I am so evil. (audience boo) I am so clever. (audience boo) And I am so handsome. (audience boo) Oh yes, I am! (audience respond)

Nip & Gnash
Oh yes, he is!

SFX: Pyrotechnic flash.

Fairy Bowbells enters (SR)

Fairy
Oh no, he isn’t!

King Rat
Who are you?

Fairy
I’m Fairy Bowbells of London, dear,
And now that I’m here I’d like a cheer! (encourage audience to cheer)

King Rat
(sarcastic) Oh, dear. A fairy. I am so scared.

Fairy
So you should be. For I bring a boy to London town,
And your rat empire he will bring down. 
Our hero Dick and his faithful cat,
Will beat you good, you nasty rat.

King Rat
Who is this…Dick?

Bowbells
A lad called Whittington, who will deal with you, 
(pointing at Gnasher & Nipper) And all your rotten cronies too.

King Rat
I could beat this Dick now, but then there’d be no show. (sneering at audience) And I wouldn’t like to disappoint all the ickle boys and girls. (to Bowbells - menacingly) I’ll see you later, fairy. (exits with Gnasher & Nipper)

Bowbells
He talks a good talk, but don't be down-hearted, (pauses and wafts her nose)Phoar! I do believe, he’s gone and…ahem!Now it’s off to London, to get this show started. (waves wand Music cue 2:  and exits)

Blackout - cloth/tabs out - lights up.


Scene One

Old London Town


Music cue 3: Londoners. After song ends…They gather in groups and chat.

Dick enters (SR) with Tommy.

Dick
So this is London, Tommy. The city where we'll make our fortune. (thigh-slap)

Tommy
Meeow! (rubs stomach)

Dick
Yes, I'm hungry as well Tommy. It's been a long walk from Gloucester.

Chorus gather around Dick and Tommy.

Chorus 1
(to Dick) You’ve walked all the way from Gloucester?

Dick
Yes. (to audience) Well they don’t have public transport in the 14th century. 

Chorus 2
Well now you’re here. Welcome to London! (shakes hand)

Chorus 3
(offers Dick a Snickers Bar) Here my friend, have a Snickers.

Dick
(takes the Snickers) Why, thank you! But what about Tommy? He’s hungry too.

A rat on string zips across stage, Tommy pounces and catches it.

Chorus 4
With all these rats around, this little fella will never go Hungry.

Chorus 5
And the more rats he eats, the better for us Londoners. 

Sarah enters (SL)

Sarah
(to audience) Hello right-side! Hello left-side! Hello front-side! Hello back…well, you know what you are. My name is Sarah. I'm sorry if I'm a bit late, but it takes me a little time to make myself look as good as this. 

Chorus 1
That’s true. (to audience) She started in Sept.

Sarah
(snaps) How would you like a kick up the Old Kent Road?

Chorus 2
(Dick) Come with us, and we’ll show you around London?

Dick
Thanks! (to Tommy) Come along Tommy.

Chorus exit (SR) with Dick and Tommy.

Sarah
(to audience) And now we’re alone. (poses) How do you think I look? (audience respond) Who said fat? I'll have you know I'm on a diet. Actually I'm on two diets. Well you don't get enough food with just one, do you? (laughs) Anyway I've come down to London because of my son, Jack. You see he emigrated here from Yorkshire, and I want to check that he’s all right. I'm the only person he's got, you see. (elicit audience sympathy) I lost my husband in a tragic accident. He fell down a wishing well. Which came as a complete surprise to me. I didn't realise those things actually worked. Mind you, he always was a big let-down. (laughs) Well? Let-down? Oh, never mind. Here, I wonder what the men are like in London. I'll just have a look around. (scans audience or leaves the stage and goes amongst them. To man in audience) Well hello, handsome. (to another man) Ooh! And you're even more handsome. (reacts as if to an ugly man) Evening. (returning to stage) Now if you’ll excuse me, I must just use the little girls’ room. Only on the way here, I had a couple of shandies in…(name of local pub)…and it’s going right through me. See you in a mo. (crouches, and runs off SL)

Music cue 4: Jack and Doris enter (SR) being dragged on by empty dog leads. They ‘work’ the ‘invisible’ dogs as they speak.

Jack
Ey up, kids! (audience respond)

Doris
(to audience) Oh, I’m sure you can do better than that.

Two Chorus Member enter (SL)

Doris
(to Chorus members) Here, hold our dogs a minute will you.

The Chorus Members take the leads and look at them bemused, but keep working them nonetheless.

Jack
My name’s Jack. But most people call me, ‘Idle Jack’. I don’t know why, ‘cos I do work…sometimes.

Doris
And I’m his beautiful girlfriend, Doris. But most people call me ‘Dozy Doris’. 

Jack
Well I don’t think that’s very fair, Doris. After all, you were clever enough to go out with me.

Doris
(aside to audience) It was after that, when people started calling me 'Dozy’ Doris. 

Jack
(to audience) Now in order to make sure you're all paying attention, we're going to have a little competition. So whenever I shout ‘ey up, lads’! I want my side…(points at his side of audience)…to shout ‘ey up Jack’!

Doris    
And whenever I shout ‘hello, girls’, I want my side…(points at her side of audience)…to shout ‘hello, Doris’. Let's try it then.

Jack
(to his side) Ey up, lads! (audience respond)

Doris
(to her side) Hello, girls! (audience respond)

Jack
(to audience, hands on hips) Did you do it then?

Doris
Well my side did. Yours were rubbish.

Jack
All right, we'll try it again and I'll prove that my side are the best. (to audience) Ey up, lads! (audience respond) Fantastic! (to Doris) Beat that.

Doris
Easy-peasy. (to audience) Hello, girls! (audience respond) Brilliant! (to Jack) I think that proves that my side were the best.

Jack
Oh no, they weren’t!

Doris
(encouraging audience to join in) Oh yes, they were!

Sarah enters (SL) and spots Jack.

Sarah
Jack!

Jack
(turns) Mum! What are you doing here?

Sarah
I was worried about you, Jack. I’ve heard there are lots of sailors in London, all frustrated and wanton. (aside to audience) And I know just what they're a-wantin'.

Jack
You don’t have to worry about me, mum. I never go near the docks.

Sarah
(dryly) I wasn't thinking about you, Jack.

Jack
Mum, I'd like you to meet Doris.

Doris
Pleased to meet you, Mrs Jack. (does awkward curtsey)

Jack
Doris is my girlfriend.

Sarah
(double take) Girlfriend? Well I never did! Well…(looks at Jack)…once maybe. Anyway Jack, how are you doing in London? 

Jack
I’m doing fine thanks, mum. 

Sarah
And have you managed to get yourself a nice little job?

Jack
Yes, mum. I work in a big store, and I sometimes help Doris with her dog-walking.

Doris
(to Chorus) Thank you for looking after the dogs, for us. (takes leads back) 

Chorus Members exit (SR) shaking their heads and giggling.

Doris is working the leads.

Sarah
(examining the leads) But, there’s nothing there!

Jack
That’s because they’re virtual pets.

Sarah
And you’re both virtually daft.

Doris
If people are willing to pay me to walk their virtual pets, then who’s the daft ones. 

Sarah
(to audience) I’d like a job like that. Getting paid for doing virtually nothing.

Alderman Fitzwarren and Alice enter (SL)

Jack
Good morning, Mr Fitzwarren! 

Doris
Good morning Alice!

Alice
Hello you two!

Jack
(introducing Sarah) This is my mother, Sarah.

Fitzwarren
(to Sarah) Pleased to meet you, I’m sure.

Alice
(to Sarah) And what brings you to London?

Sarah
I wanted to make sure that my Jack wasn’t being exploited by some nasty, Fagan-type employer.

Jack
(introducing her to Fitzwarren) Mum, this is Mr Fitzwarren - my employer.

Sarah
(posh voice) Oooh! One is pleased to meet one. Jack speaks very highly of you.

Doris
He’s an Alderman.

Sarah
(walking her fingers up Fitzwarren’s arm) I much prefer an older man. They have so much more...experience.

Fitzwarren
(removing her hand) Not as much of you, I’ll wager. (to Jack) Now then Jack. If you ever decide to start work today, the first thing I want you to do, is the stocktaking.

Jack
Yes, Mr Fitzwarren. I’ll just help Doris take these dogs back to their owners first. (takes an empty lead from Doris) Let’s go Doris.

Doris
(to empty leads) Walkies! 

Doris and Jack are both are ‘dragged’ off (SL) by the invisible dogs.

Fitzwarren
I hope you’re all packed and ready to go on our big sea voyage tomorrow, Alice.

Alice
Yes, father.

Sarah
Oooh! Going anywhere nice?

Alice
Morocco. 

Sarah
‘Morocco’! That’s abroad, isn’t it?

Fitzwarren
(sarcastic) Well obviously. Why else would we be going on a sea voyage? 

Sarah
And why are you going to Morocco, if you don’t mind me asking?

Fitzwarren
Dates.

Sarah
(pressing against him) Why go halfway round the world, when you can pick up a date right here? 

Fitzwarren
(pushing her away) I’m picking up a cargo of dates for my shop.

Sarah
Oh, I see. I don’t like those sort. They stick in me teeth, and I have to get them out with a wire-brush.

Tommy enters (SR) with a mouthful of dead rats.

Alice
Look, father! This clever cat has caught all these rats!

Fitzwarren
I wish I had a cat like that, to guard my shop against all those thieving rats.

Dick runs on (SR) and goes up to Tommy.

Dick
There you are, Tommy! (checking out the dead rats) Look at you go. At this rate London will soon be rat free.

Fitzwarren
Is this your cat, young man?

Dick
Yes, sir. His name’s Tommy, and he's the best rat-catcher in the whole of England.

Alice
(strokes cat) He certainly is a lovely pussy. 

Dick
(to Alice) He seems to like you.

Sarah
(aside to audience) And by the look in his eyes, his cat’s not the only one.

Fitzwarren
(to Dick) What is your name young man?

Dick
‘Dick Whittington, sir’! And I’ve come to London to seek my fortune! (thigh-slap) But I could do with a job to get me started.

Fitzwarren
Then I might be able to help you. My shop is over-run with rats, and I will happily employ and your cat to get rid of them.

Dick
We’ll take the job, sir.

Alice
(pleased) I do hope you’ll like working here, Dick.

Dick
I’m sure I will, Miss…?

Alice
Alice…Alice Fitzwarren.

Fitzwarren
And I’m her father, Alderman Fitzwarren.

Dick
(shaking his hand) Pleased to meet you, sir.

Fitzwarren
Alice, take Dick inside and show him the ropes.

Alice
Yes, father. (to Dick) Come with me, Dick. 

Alice, Dick and Tommy exit into the shop.

Sarah
(to Fitzwarren) I don’t suppose you have any jobs going, for a hard-working, conscientious and eager young lady, have you?

Fitzwarren
I might have. (looking about) Where is she?

Sarah
It’s me, you silly shopkeeper!

Fitzwarren
Well I am looking for a new cook. Tell me, are you experienced? 

Sarah
Yes, and I’m a good cook as well. My soup will make you cock-a-hoop. My cottage pie will gladden your eye.  And my onion tart will make you...come back for more.

Fitzwarren
Sounds wonderful.

Sarah
But I won't work for less than £10 an hour.

Fitzwarren
(exclaims) £10 an hour! Can't you go any lower?

Sarah
(deep manly voice) £10 an hour. ls that low enough?

Fitzwarren
I’ll pay you minimum wage.

Sarah
Done! (hoikes and spits on her hand, grabs his hand and shakes it) 

Fitzwarren
(looks at his hand, grimaces and wipes it on his jacket) I also have another job going. But it's a more unusual position.

Sarah
I’m used to unusual positions. (pressing against him suggestively) Tell me more.

Fitzwarren
I require a cook to sail with us to Morocco, and see to the needs of the whole crew. 

Sarah
(preening her hair) I think I can manage that.

Fitzwarren
But you’ll need a strong stomach, because you might get tossed about quite a bit.

Sarah
I’m used to being tossed about. I used to work as a product-tester, for a bouncy-castle manufacturer.

Fitzwarren
I must warn you. The ship is full of lusty sailors, who haven't seen a woman in months.

Sarah
(quickly) Where do I sign?

Fitzwarren
Come inside and I’ll take down your particulars.

Sarah
(knowingly to audience) Now there’s an offer I can’t refuse.

They exit into the shop.

Blackout - cloth/tabs in - (a cut-out ship’s bow is pushed on SR) - lights up.


Scene Two

London Docks


Music cue 5: Sailors. After song ends…All exit onto ship (SR)

Music cue 6: Captain Birdseye limps on (SL) with peg leg and crutch. Accompanied by Boson and Mate. 

Captain
(to audience) Ahoy, shipmates! (looks warily left and right as do Boson & Mate) I be Cap'n Birdseye, part-time pirate and master of the good ship ‘Crispy Pancake’. Me and me crew have just returned from a dangerous voyage. Aaarr!

Boson/Mate
Aaarr! (encourage audience to join in each time they ‘aaarr’)

Captain
Long and treacherous it be.

Boson/Mate
Aaarr! 

Captain
It be longer and more treacherous that that, shipmates!

Boson/Mate
Aaarr! (encourage audience to be louder)

Captain
Treasure we did find on our travels, shipmates.

Boson/Mate
Aaarr! 

Captain
But on the way home, The Crispy Pancake was Shipwrecked. (wipes away a tear) 

Boson/Mate
Aaarr!

Captain
Now it be a soggy pancake, at the bottom of the briny. But we managed to salvage the treasure and buried it on a Caribbean island, and made our way home on a lifeboat. And now we is about to go back and get it.

Boson/Mate
Aaarr! 

Captain
(looks left and right cautiously, and Boson & Mate copy) Now it just so happens that a certain, ‘Alderman Fitzwarren’ needed a captain and crew to sail his ship to Morocco, and he’s hired me and me shipmates for the job. And we’re going to use the opportunity to get our treasure back.

Boson
(puzzled) But our treasure ain’t buried in Morocco, Captain.

Captain
I knows that! Which is why I intends to sail ‘is ship to the island, without telling ‘im. 

Mate
But won’t’ he realise we isn’t goin’ to Morocco, Captain?

Captain
No, ee’s never sailed afore and wouldn’t know the Isle of White, from an egg-white. (to Boson & Mate) Once we land, we’ll dig up the treasure whilst they is browsing in the duty free shop. And then take off with their ship, stranding them on the island. So are you with me, shipmates? 

Boson/Mate
Aaarr! Cap'n! 

Captain
(to audience) And what about you, shipmates? Are you with us?

Boson/Mate
(encourage audience to join in) Aaarr! Cap'n!

King Rat, Gnasher and Nipper enter (SL)

King Rat
Good day, Captain. (pointing SR) I must say, that's a fine ship you have there.

Captain
Aaarr! That it be sir, and we sails in her tomorrow.

King Rat
Indeed? And where if I might ask, do you plan on going?

Captain
We be taking Alderman Fitzwarren, on a loooong sea cruise. (to Boson & Mate) ‘Ain’t that right, shipmates? (obvious wink to Boson & Mate)

Boson/Mate
Aaarr! Cap'n! (they wink back at him)

Pirates all laugh.

King Rat
I suppose a trip like that would come expensive, Captain.

Captain
Aaarr! All the Alderman’s life savings, is what I hears. I just 'opes he has somewhere safe to keep the money, till we sets off tomorrow. Which reminds me, I 'as to get some supplies from ‘is shop. (to Boson & Mate) Let’s go, shipmates.

Boson/Mate
Aye-aye! Cap’n!

Captain, Boson and Mate exit (SL)

King Rat
His life savings, eh? I could do with that money, in order to bribe Londoners to vote for me, in the upcoming election for Mayor. But where would he keep it?

Nipper
In a piggy-bank. That’d be safe.

Gnasher
You've got it, Nipper!

King Rat
It wouldn't be safe in a piggy-bank! Well not from me, anyway.

Gnasher
No! (draws square shape with hands) ‘Safe’!  He’ll keep all his money in a safe!

Nipper
(to the others) See? I’m not as stupid as I look.

Gnasher & K. Rat 
Yes, you are!

King Rat
Now we just need to find out where he keeps his safe. (paces round, pondering. Gnasher and Nipper follow him, copying his actions with a slight delay. Has an idea and stops suddenly) Aha!  (Gnasher cannons into him, and Nipper 
cannons into them both) Idiots! Now I want you both to go and hide in Fitzwarren’s store, listen for clues and then report back to me. 

Nip & Gnash
Yes, boss! (they crouch and sneak off SL)

Music cue 7: Fairy Bowbells enters (SR) and prompts audience to cheer.

King Rat
(sneers) Oh look, my stalker’s back. I ought to get a restraining order on you.

Bowbells
You’re the one who needs restraining,
Judging by the number of people complaining.
And planning to steal Fitzwarren’s lolly,
Is far and away, your biggest folly.

King Rat
Me? I'm innocent as an MP filing his expenses claim.

Bowbells
I'm wise to your tricks, and if you pinch the cash,
You can be sure that I'll be there, in a flash!

King Rat
Flash all you like Tinkerbell, you'll never stop me! (exits SL)

Bowbells
He’s obviously scared, see how he flees,
He knows I will bring him to his knees.
Dick and his puss will be my trump card,
And we’ll hit that nasty Rat, real hard. (exits SR)

Dick Whittington And The Caribbean Pirates

  • Product Code: dickwhittingtonpiratesFS
  • Availability: In Stock
  • £40.00


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